Long Long Journey
by midnyteblue
Summary: Jack and Daniel Story. From the begining there was something there waiting to be discovered. Inspired from the sounds and lyrics of the beautiful Enya (Friendship for now - Eventual Slash)
1. Anywhere Is

**Anywhere Is**

******Author:** Midnyteblue (AKA: angels_slayer_lol)**  
****Pairing:** Jack/Daniel friendship (Eventual Slash)  
******Rating:** PG13  
******Spoilers:** Stargate - The Movie  
**Summery: **What led Jack to Daniel  
**Disclaimer: **Not mine, never have been or will be. Thankyou also to the beautiful Enya for your inspiring Lyrics.  
**Notes: **1st story in my 'Enya Chronicles' fics which I am currently renaming as I now have a whole series in mind (name suggestions would be welcome). The rest of my stories can be found under my old pen name but will gradually be deleated as I frame them into some semblance of order.  
**Notes 2: **Thoughts are in *-*, Lyrics in Italics.  
**Notes 3:** What first started as a set of oneshot singfics have turned into a series in my mind. It's been a long time between fics (8 Years) and whilst this was the last one I wrote back then, it is essentially the 1st in my series. the next chapter is brand new!

* * *

_I walk the maze of moments  
but everywhere I turn to  
Begins a new beginning  
but never finds a finish_

Jack had always been a pretty typical guy. In School he had excelled in sports, he loved shop class and the only time he set foot into the library was when they got a new book on cars or planes. He would surprise everyone with his above average grades and brush them off as pure luck and his teenage rebellious phase was spent reading up on ambush tactics and the latest military combat units.

Jack was the kind of person that everybody loved. Sure he had his own group of friends, but he never excluded anyone. He detested bullying of any nature no matter the circumstances and he would help anyone who needed it. As such he was well liked but he also made his fair share of enemies

His dad was a retired Navy Captain and his mum was a registered nurse with the Army. His sister was a Marine, a lawyer. Growing up in a military family, Jack had always known what was expected and upon his graduation he became the dutiful son and enlisted in the United States Air Force Academy. Although his whole family had a thing for the sea, he wanted to fly.

Jack took to the Air Force like a duck to water. He made new friends, learnt what he had to and made darn sure he was good at what he did. He played the gun happy pilot and all round good guy who always had a smartass comeback and a glare that became famous by the time he graduated.

Every day at the Academy was a new experience. Not a day passed where he didn't learn something either about his chosen career or his friends and teachers.

Upon his graduation, Jack knew exactly what field and type of craft he was going to specialize in. He had flown the Copters, the Bombers, various aircraft but his real passion was for the Fighters. He loved being up in the clouds, going higher than most people dream of.

Jack played up to the typical Air Force standard but deep down he had a side that few rarely saw and in that side was the dream to one day go higher than the clouds. He always tested the limits of his craft, going higher than he should but it was all in the notion that there was more out there.

As his career progressed and he moved up the ranks, each time he tried something or said something, a door would open to new options and before too long he was being recruited for missions he had never thought to dream about.

_I walk to the horizon  
and there I find another  
it all seems so surprising  
and then I find that I know_

It didn't take Jack too long to realise that the missions he was being sent on were the basic training ground for something much larger but he didn't question and as such, on his 30th birthday, he was promoted to the rank of Colonel and the next day, flew out on his first Black Ops mission.

By 36 he had provided many "Great Services" to his country, among them, time in various prisons in countries that weren't exactly holiday destinations on orders that officially were never issued about matters that officially never existed. The time spent leading the missions had hardened Jack and to all those he met, he came off as very intimidating and unlikeable. It wasn't always his fault, when people found out the stuff he did wasn't exactly a nine to five job, they immediately became wary and put their guard up, all except one.

Jack met Sara during a post mission relaxation meeting, in other words, a night at the local bar. Sarah and her friends had been among the many patrons but they just happened to be the ones that Jack's buddies had picked for their fun that particular evening. Jack rarely joined in on the 'fun' and this night was no different. As always he had to deal with the worst of the last mission and his knee was a testament to that, still tightly bandaged.

When his friends had moved to 'engage' the young women, Jack had stayed put. He downed his drink and was about to order another when he noticed one of the girls laugh at something his friend Lou had said. He watched her tilt her head slightly and the way her eyes lit up as she grinned playfully. He disregarded his empty glass and walked over.

The others were quite surprised to see their commanding officer actually join them but they made light of the fact and included him into their current conversation. From that night, Jack and Sara were only apart when Jack was on a mission and after one particularly nasty incident 11 months later in which Jack was sure he would never see her again, he proposed. A year to the day they got married.

_You go there you're gone forever  
I go there I'll lose my way  
If we stay here we're not together  
anywhere is_

Jack was swept along the road of partnership, every bump in the water he navigated and every new turn he looked ahead with optimism.

He continued to be sent out on missions, though less intense than before now that he had a wife to consider, yet there was still a part of him that wasn't settled, that wasn't content with the way things were and as the years passed his craving for the unknown strengthened and he began to feel as if there was still something missing. He was stuck in his life and with everything around him changing he began to feel a little lost.

_The moon upon the ocean  
is swept around in motion  
but without ever knowing  
the reason for its flowing_

Five years after they were married Sarah became pregnant and nine months, four days and thirteen hours later gave birth to a son who they named Charlie. Jack took to parenting with ease and every spare second he could manage was spent with his family.

His "Missions" became less and less frequent and by Charlie's third birthday his Black Ops days were over though he was given a large amount of desk time which also meant frequent trips to Washington on which he took Sarah and Charlie whenever he could.

_In motion on the ocean  
the moon still keeps on moving  
the waves still keep on waving  
and I still keep on going_

He accepted his life, happy with each new day as they brought him new possibilities and new adventures to share with his son. But still, late at night he felt unsettled, a state which didn't go unnoticed by Sarah but she never said anything, figuring it had something to do with his old life and the missions he never spoke of.

Jack was ecstatic with Charlie. Sara smiled, never voicing her thoughts and Charlie was the happiest kid alive, The O'Neill's life was picture perfect.

_You go there you're gone forever  
I go there I'll lose my way  
If we stay here we're not together  
anywhere is_

For Charlies ninth birthday, Jack bought him a telescope which unknowing to Sarah, served two purposes. One, it meant that Jack and Charlie would be able to share in another activity that was educational to the young boy but it also settled some of Jacks own discontent with the way things were going.

Every time Jack and Charlie would look through the lens, whether it be day or night, Jacks love and passion for the sky would be re-kindled he even took up a job offer made by the Pentagon to train new recruits and as such he once again began to fly, sometimes taking Charlie with him

_I wonder if the stars sign  
the life that is to be mine  
and would they let their light shine  
enough for me to follow_

Jack's interest in Astronomy grew and each night he would spend hours just gazing at the formations of twinkling dots. Only Charlie would ever disturb him, Sarah didn't care too much for anything beyond her own ability to reach. One day Charlie came home from school and told Jack he had learnt something new about the stars - That they could tell a person what was going to happen in their life.

Jack sat down and explained to Charlie that there were people who believed that but that didn't mean it was necessarily true.

"Mum thinks it's true." Jack blinked in surprise  
"Does she now. How do you know that?"  
"She told me. Do you think it's true?"

Jack looked at his son thoughtfully before answering

"No, no I don't. But that doesn't mean I don't respect other people's beliefs. You shouldn't judge someone because they don't believe the same things you do. Will you remember that?"  
"Ok dad, so I should start being nice to Jordan even though I don't believe she should have a boy's name."

Jack chuckled and hugged his son,

"I think that's a good place to start."  
"Hmm, okay."

With that Charlie ran off and the next day when Jack picked up Charlie from school, he was introduced to Charlie's new friend, Jordan Walker

_I look up to the heavens  
but night has clouded over  
No spark of constellation  
No Vega, no Orion_

Jack couldn't get what Charlie had told him about Sarah believing in Astrology out of his mind, it was a quirky unknown fact about his wife and it started him wondering what else about Sarah he didn't know. It wasn't that they kept secrets from each other it was more that they just didn't tell each other things. He would rarely talk about his Black Ops days...and for good reason, it was nightmarish enough without having to re-hash any events to another person.

Over the next weeks, Jack continued his nightly retreat into space and he even looked a few times at the Astrology section of the paper, He could find nothing that convinced him that the twinkling orbs above him could tell his future. He told Sara this on the one and only occasion they talked about it and in the end, each agreed to disagree and life continued, predicted or not in the O'Neil home

In the coming months, Jack never stopped wishing the night sky he loved had told him something.

_The shells upon the warm sands  
have taken from their own lands  
the echo of their story  
but all I hear are low sounds_

Charlie Tyler O'Neil was buried eight days after his tenth birthday, a single gunshot wound to the chest being the cause of death.

Doctors worked for over an hour on the boy's body before pronouncing it. An official inquiry into the death took place due to the nature and circumstance but no blame was laid and it was reported as 'Accidental with no Fault or Intent.' but that didn't stop Jack from blaming himself.

It was his gun. He hadn't put it away properly after cleaning it that morning. He should have come home earlier. He should have retired when Charlie was born. He should have done...something.

Charlie's death took a toll on both Sara and Jack, Sarah became worn and the light that used to shine in all her features was extinguished. She couldn't laugh, couldn't smile and each day was a battle for strength and survival.

Jack stayed strong. He stood straight backed and blank expression at the funeral, holding Sara who was having trouble holding herself upright as her grief weighed her down.

Although he never requested any, Jack was given a few months personal time. Jack rarely took leave and he had a pile stocked up. He was told he would be contacted when the occasion arose for him to resume active duty - Jack didn't argue.

He had closed himself off and distanced himself from everyone he knew, even Sarah. He went about a daily routine, exchanged the appropriate pleasantries as a husband should and continued his life as best as he could manage. It took him nearly a month before he could bring himself to walk into Charlie's room.

It was a bright sunny morning that Jack walked past the closed door as he did every day but on this particular morning he stopped and stared. Almost blindly he reached out an turned the handle.

Memories assaulted him as he stepped across the threshold. Sarah had been in plenty of times; she had cleaned the room and left it exactly as if Charlie would run in there at any second. Jack wandered like a ghost around the room, fingers fleetingly touching anything within reach. The trophy's and awards, his baseball and glove, his desk. Jack breathed in deeply, his mind reeling as Charlie's sent surrounded him. He sat down heavily on the bed and for the first time since the hospital waiting room, his military demeanour shattered and he let the tears flow

Sara walked by at one point but didn't go in; she didn't want to disturb him. It was the first time Jack had shown more than a moment of emotion. She knew neither of them would ever heal from what had happened but maybe they would be able to continue their life and perhaps this was finally the moment for Jack.

Jack spent the whole day in the room and only left because Sarah made him realise he was hungry. The next day he returned and this time instead of passing by the rooms contents he took each one in his hands and gave himself over to their memories, each one a story - a moment in time that was all about his son

_As pillow words are weaving  
and willow waves are leaving  
but should I be believing  
that I am only dreaming_

What Sara first believed was a phase turned into habit. Each morning Jack would get up, do any chores and odd-jobs that needed doing and then by mid-morning he would return to Charlie's room and just sit. A few times Sara tried to sit with him but she couldn't stand the uncomfortable silence that reigned.

At night, the pair would talk about Charlie; neither forced the topic it just always happened. One would share a memory and together they would relive it. Sarah always remembered happier times but Jack could never laugh. That part of him died with his son and Sara began to accept that she would never be able to regain the man she had loved. The man she slept next to every night was as much of a stranger now than ever.

One day randomly, Jack suggested they go to their cabin, Sara was surprised but eager and the next morning they left. The two week trip only lasted a few days. Jack had hoped that some time away from the house would help him deal with everything; help him to perhaps move on. It took all of fifteen minutes after they'd reached the cabin for him to realise that nothing was going to help. He tried, for two days he tried. He and Sara walked and talked and walked some more. He tried showing emotion, he even tried laughing but the sound was so foreign to him now he stopped quickly and shook his head as if to clear his ears of the sound.

Jack told Sara he wanted to go home and for the first time since Charlie's death Sara showed some other emotion than sadness. Her anger came out in full force. She yelled and screamed, ranted and raved for nearly an hour. Jack just stood and took it all. Every insult, every hit, everything that was thrown his way. Eventually Sara broke down, Jack went over and held her close but he could only manage one word

"Sorry" No feeling, no emotion just one mumbled, blank word. They went back the next day but the damage was done.

Instead of spending time with his wife at night he would spend it on the roof, looking back out into the heavens. The few people who still came around to visit said it was as if he was searching for something and in essence he was.

Jack had begun having dreams involving Charlie. Dreams where Jack was able to save him, Dreams of times past, dreams where Jack was able to just talk. Charlie in a way became Jack's subconscious. One particular night, Jack was walking, Charlie on his shoulders and a star shot across the sky above them

"Wow, did you see that dad?"  
"Yeah, pretty sweet huh."  
"You stopped looking for a while."  
"I know."  
"How come?"  
"Because you...you went away."  
"So? Just because went doesn't mean the stars did."  
"They didn't seem as bright as before."  
"Why not?"  
"Because...I guess...you know I'm not sure, after you...left, everything lost its meaning."  
"What do you mean?"  
"Before you were born, I didn't have much of a life I guess. I lived for my work and everything seemed the same every single day, kind of like a tape played over and over but then you were born and everything was different, everything was fun."  
"But you liked the stars before I was born."  
"That's true."  
"And you used to fly a lot; you haven't done that in a while."  
"I know."  
"Why did you like to fly so much?"  
"It was a rush, remember the times I took you up, it was fun."  
"Yea it was, but there's something else, something more."  
"Well, it's not that I believe in aliens or anything, that's just too weird, but I guess I felt even more than believed that there was more out there. Like if I flew high enough I'd find something more."  
"What about now? What about mum?"  
"What about her?"  
"Do you love her?"  
"Of course I love her."  
"You love her, but you're not in love with her."  
"Hang on! You're only ten, what has you being so intuitive?"  
"I'm in your mind dad."  
"But I'm not this smart."  
"Oh you know you are you just pretend you aren't."  
"You're starting to get freaky."  
"Yeah, you get that. Now, back to mum."

Jack groaned good naturedly and he lifted Charlie into his arms and they swung around till Charlie was laughing so hard he could hardly breathe.

"I love your mum Charlie, but there's something missing. I don't know what it is and I have no idea if I ever will but...it was missing before you were born and you filled in the missing pieces. Now you're gone."  
"I'm always here dad, when you need me I'll be around."  
"Promise?"  
"I love you daddy."  
"Oh Charlie."

The pair hugged and Jack got the sense he would wake up soon.

"I miss you." he whispered into the young boy's ear.  
"Maybe you should start looking for whatever is missing."

Jack woke up with tears in his eyes. He looked across at Sarah and smiled sadly

He continued his vigil each day in Charlie's room and each night he looked into the sky in the hopes that perhaps his dreams held an element of truth. It took another month, for that truth to be revealed.

_You go there you're gone forever  
I go there I'll lose my way  
If we stay here we're not together  
Anywhere is_

Jack knew something was coming. He was always able - in a sense - to feel change.

When the Airmen left, Jack was torn. He knew this point would come, he was still officially on active duty but he didn't know if he'd ever be able to do his job properly again. Most of his patriotic sense had gone and the whole 'Fight for the future' was so overrated, he couldn't even keep his own future alive let alone the nations.

He looked around Charlie's room again and out of the corner of his eye he noticed a model F-22. He walked over, picked it up and knowingly turned it over so he could read the inscription on the base

_'The highest you can reach is wherever your dreams take you. Fly High - Love dad'_

In that moment his mind was made up. For the first time in months he took notice of his appearance, He shaved, went for a haircut and donned his Uniform. Sara took everything in without comment.

As he was leaving the next day she looked into his eyes and asked the question she already knew the answer to.

"When will you be back?"  
"I'm not sure. It's..."  
"Classified."

Sara turned and lit another cigarette, a habit she had picked up in the past month. Jack looked at it then at his wife and deep down he knew.

"Goodbye Sara."

With that he left for the Creek Mountain Complex, a folder under his arm stating various facts he needed to know and a list of names of people he would come across. One name stuck out most of all,

"Dr. Daniel Jackson, expert in Archaeology and linguistics. Fantastic." He stated sarcastically, "Nothing good comes from mixing Civilian Scientists and the Military."

As he drove up to the complex there was only one thought in his mind,

"Charlie, stay with me."

_To leave the tread of all time  
And let it make a dark line  
In hopes that I can still find  
The way back to the moment_

The mission assigned to him was unlike anything ever before, and wasn't that the understatement of the century. If they succeeded, a door would open to somewhere vastly different, somewhere out of this world...something more - His dream. But that wasn't the problem, the whole alien thing had taken on a whole new meaning because if they succeeded, someone or thing had to have built the second device and that in itself presented a whole new set of problems that thankfully had an easy solution. But who knew if it would work.

After being briefed, Jack went downstairs to the Cover stone Room where Dr Daniel Jackson had just arrived. Although the contents of the complex were classified, those who were already inside had full access to both the cover stone and the device.

Jack watched silently as the young man before him walked in and deciphered in less than two minutes a set of Hieroglyphs that according to his records had taken a week to translate. And when he corrected the presumption of 5000 years to 10, 000 years the look of absolute amazement and wonder floored him. There was something about the man before him that left him with a feeling of...Jack honestly couldn't say. But it was something that for some reason made him want to protect the younger man.

If the plan succeeded, people would get hurt, of that he had no doubt and Jack couldn't stand the thought that the shaggy haired doctor may be one of them. It was a gut feeling and those he never ignored, so he made a decision then and there that nothing about the device would be told to the Doctor unless he said so. He hoped he was doing the right thing. It had taken two years for them to bring in another scientist, two years of nothing. Jack had time to figure things out, or so he thought.

Over the next week, Jack studied the young man. He lived on a diet based on caffeine and chocolate. He pulled translations and texts from his head, When something didn't work he wouldn't give up he would just drink more coffee and try something else. There was still something about him that Jack didn't quite understand. Something that pulled Jack to him.

After a week, Jack started to concentrate on other things but the Doc was never far from his thoughts. The other Airmen would sometimes complain about him but keeping in his nature, Jack put a stop to it before it could get out of control. Then came the unexpected, Daniel or 'Danny' as Jack had taken to calling him in his head, solved the problem.

After hearing the theory of the hieroglyphs being star signs, Jack bowed to the inevitable and allowed him to see the device or the 'Stargate' as it had taken to being called - Jacksons own words. It was then that Jack saw something that made him pray he wasn't dreaming, The way Daniel's eyes lit up when he solved the mystery of the seventh symbol was enough to convince Jack that he had placed another piece of the Daniel Jackson puzzle in its place. Daniel's eyes lacked any happiness, and for some reason, it was something Jack wanted to amend

When the mission was proposed, and Daniel made a member of the outgoing team, Jack turned his fear for the younger man's safety into sarcasm in the hopes of detaching himself from the situation. He had been given orders and if there was one thing he knew anything about it was to obey.

_I took the turn and turn to  
Begin a new beginning  
Still looking for the answer  
I cannot find the finish_

After everything that went down on Abydos: almost dying, almost getting Jackson killed, almost destroying a peaceful culture, kicking some serious Ra booty, Jack - for the first time since Charlie was killed - Felt able to move on, and in reality it was because of the chicken man. Daniel had finally been able to get Jack to see the importance of life and for that, Jack was extremely grateful. He would never tell anyone that a long haired geek had saved his life but that's the way it was.

Jack had no clue as to what he would be going back home to. If he even had a home to go back to, it was after all Sarah's home that he had moved into when they got married. He had been tuned out to the world for months and now maybe it was about time he re-asserted himself into it.

Jack didn't like to leave Daniel behind, Katherine would kill him! But he had sworn to himself before leaving earth that Daniel would be happy and looking at the good Doctor next to his wife, he knew that by doing this, he would be. Still there was something else in Daniel's eyes that made him hesitate slightly.

"You sure you wanna do this?" Jack had to be a hundred precent certain  
"Yes I'm sure."  
"Are you going to be all right?"  
"I'm going to be alright." Daniel affirmed, "How about you?"  
"Yeah, Yeah I think I will." Jack gave a small but genuine laugh.

Daniel handed him Katherine's pendant to return to her and Jack went to the Stargate. Before stepping through the event horizon, Jack turned and looked at the man who, given time may have become a friend. Something inside him was saying it wouldn't be the last time he saw Daniel, and he never ignored those feelings.

"I'll be seeing you around. Doctor Jackson."

An official title maybe, but none the less it was one of respect, and coming from a Colonel of the United States Air Force, Jack knew it would mean something to Daniel.

Back on earth, Jack and his remaining team suffered through the mandatory de-briefing session where each member slightly altered the facts of the mission. As far as anyone on earth was concerned, Daniel Jackson and the inhabitants of Abydos were killed when the bomb on the other side was detonated as planned...No one said anything about Ra's ship being in orbit at the time.

The next day Jack retired from the USAF. The official reason was that Jack had done his time and wished to lead a quieter life from that point on. Feretti and Kawalsky were the only ones who suspected the truth. The mission had taken its toll on their commander and leaving Daniel behind had been the final straw. Neither could figure out why, but the doctor and Jack had come to a certain understanding.

Jack returned to find Sarah gone but a note saying she had gone away for a while to give him the chance to pack up his stuff. Jack used the majority of his savings and brought a new place, pretty big for a guy who was now single but he liked his space, and moved in a few weeks later. He completely dismissed the fact that he was now only half an hour from the Creek Mountain complex instead of over an hour.

Jack still felt that he would at some point, meet up with Daniel again but until then, he settled into his life of retirement comfortably. He met up with Sarah once or twice and they made their divorce final. The last time they saw each other before the settlement, Sarah couldn't help questioning Jack about his final mission. Jack was a little confused as to why she was asking when she knew it was classified

"You're different. that's all."  
"In what way?"  
"I don't know. I mean you're not a sullen wreck anymore but it's more than that. Something happened on that mission Jack, there's something in your eyes, a look I haven't seen in years - not since before Charlie was born. I don't know what has finally put that look back there but whatever it is, don't let it go."

Jack frowned slightly at what Sarah had said but only nodded slightly in response. They kissed for the final time and each went toward their own separate futures

_It's either this or that way  
it's one way or the other  
it should be one direction  
it could be on reflection_

For a year Jack spent his life peacefully. He made some new friends and reacquainted himself with some old ones. The dreams of Charlie lessened yet his 'dabble' into astrology continued and strengthened now that he knew a little more of what was out there.

Without even realising it, Jack began a nightly search for Abydos. Subconsciously he knew he would never see it from Earth but that didn't stop him from trying.

The anniversary of Charlie's death came and brought with it the expected pain the memories evoked yet that day also had a high point. When Jack thought of Charlie, memories of Skar'a surfaced alongside and while Jack still drank quite a large amount over what would be considered healthy, it wasn't as bad as it possibly could have been. Thoughts of Skar'a turned as always to thoughts of Daniel, wondering how the young man was doing and if he was truly okay. Jack still didn't a hundred precent believe he should have left Daniel on Abydos, but as always when it came to Daniel, What Jack said made very little difference.

Jack was forever contemplating the direction his life had taken. Fifteen years before he was a Black Ops Agent. Ten years before he was holding his one year old son. Five years ago he would do just about anything for his family. Now his son had died, he was divorced and his best friends and constant companions were the night stars that never failed to be there for him. Jack knew there were many moments in his life where a choice was made and he often wondered what would have happened if he had gone against his instincts and chosen a different way. It took him another month to realise all his thoughts were stemming from one thing, something was going happen once again that would mean another change of pace, the only questions were when would it come and what would it be.

When Jack heard a car pull up outside his home a month later, he wasn't surprised and when he heard the arrivee call out his official title he couldn't resist the urge to roll his eyes.

"Retired here people." He muttered.

When Samuel's climbed the ladder and invaded his space, Jack again wasn't surprised but he wasn't happy either. His sarcastic remarks were quietened at the mere mention of the Stargate.

What the hell does the Stargate have to do with anything at Eleven pm?

Jack sat for a moment considering his options. They were military so technically he had to go but what would it mean? This was one of the moments where he had two choices and each was going to be different futures. Jack chuckled as he realised he was thinking like a Robert Frost poem but in the end he accompanied the Airmen to go and see the General.

Hammond was not quite what he had expected but Jack took a liking to him. Once the situation had been explained, Jack realised they were fishing to see exactly what had gone down the year before, a fact clarified by Kawalsky and Feretti.

Jack was horrified at the thought of another bomb going through the gate. Thousands of people, Skar'a...Daniel. He knew that by telling the truth he had admitted to disobeying a direct order that would potentially endanger earth and as such, the Air Force would be at liberty to a full reprimand but he didn't care. It was the only choice before him.

*Not the only choice* a little voice inside told him

When the General told Jack he was 'Open to suggestions', Jack felt he was finally able to breathe. Looking at the box of tissues on the desk Jack knew how to get a message to the good doctor.

When Jack put the box through the Event Horizon he had to fight himself not to just jump through after them.

"Sir, this could take some time."

Jack walked back to the briefing room to wait. This was again one of those moments. He knew without much doubt that whatever way this played it would mean a complete change...again.

Jack thought about what the General had said about the relationship between Jack and Daniel. Hammond was correct in saying that Jack didn't quite like the guy...that was in the first minute of their meeting. After that, it wasn't that Jack decided to love Daniel or anything but he didn't 'not' like him. And over the course of the mission Daniel had grown on Jack, more than any other team member. There was just something about Jackson that made Colonel O'Neil smile

As the Stargate re-engaged and the group rushed to the gate room Jack took a deep breath, Thoughts were going a million miles through his head. Would the choice before him be simple? Would he have to live with the notion that he had left behind a team member to die. Could Sarah have been right those years ago when she told him the stars would decide their future?

The assembly watched as the tissue box re-emerged through the gate. Jack walked forward and picked it up. Brushing it off, he turned it over, grinned and looked at the General. The words 'Thanks, Send More." blared at him like flashing neon lights and in that moment Jack didn't hesitate. He knew exactly what he had to do...what he wanted to do and while deep down he knew his life was at the beginning of something huge, as ever before he had no hesitation in following his instinct -

"Permission to take a team through the Stargate Sir."

_The turn I have just taken  
The turn that I was making  
I might be just beginning  
I might be near the end_

The End...Or is It

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AN: This was one of the hardest fic's I've ever written so good or bad I'd love to know what y'all think. Thanks


	2. On Your Shore

**On On Your Shore**

**Author:** Midnyteblue (AKA angels_slayer_lol)  
**Pairing:** Jack/Daniel friendship (Eventual Slash)  
**Rating:** PG13  
**Spoilers:** Stargate - The Movie, My fic - 'Amarantine'  
**Summery:** Daniels life on Abydoss and return to Earth  
**Disclaimer:** Not mine, never have been or will be. Thankyou also to the beautiful Enya for your inspiring Lyrics.  
**Notes:** 2nd story in my 'Enya Chronicles' fics which I am currently renaming as I now have a whole series in mind (name suggestions would be welcome). The rest of my stories can be found under my old pen name but will gradually be deleated as I frame them into some semblance of order.  
Notes 2: Thoughts are in *-*, Lyrics in Italics.

* * *

Daniel watched as the event horizon closed with a woosh and sighed contentedly as he looked around at his new home. Sha'ra was beside him smiling happily, he couldn't believe that only a few days ago he hadn't even known she had existed. A week ago he hadn't known for sure there was a world with life aside from Earth (although he has suspected). Could it have only been 3 weeks since he met Kathryn…his head was aching; he needed Tylenol…something he would never have again.

He returned Sha'ra's smile and looked over at her brother Skar'a. He was smiling fondly at them both but he had a faraway look in his eyes that didn't quite match with the smile he was projecting, a look that went light years away to a small blue and green planet and to the friend he had just lost through the Stargate. He went over to his new brother and placed a hand on his shoulder

"He'll miss you too I'm sure."  
"Will he come back do you think?"

Daniel gave a small shrug and wrapped his arms around himself in a self-hug

"I don't think s Skar'a. We have to bury the gate remember. We we're meant to destroy it and because we didn't we have to pretend we did."  
"I will miss him."  
"I know, but he had a life to go back to on Earth, he couldn't stay here."  
"Did you not wish to return also?"

Daniel looked over at Sha'ra,

"No I'm good here."

Skar'a nodded and turned to walk back to the Village with his friends. Daniel expected there would be some minor celebrations in order. Sha'ra tugged on his sleeve for him to follow. Daniel took her hand and started back with her. After a few steps he turned back to face the silent ring that was the doorway to Earth. Jack had said he would see him around. He wasn't sure that would be possible but the older man's words filled the younger with hope none the less. To watch Jack leave through the gate left Daniel with a sense of sadness he couldn't explain, like something was missing.

"Daniel?" Sha'ra called out

He shook himself mentally and physically and gave a small laugh

*As If he's going to miss me, it's not like we were friends or anything. Snap out of it Jackson!*

Daniel turned and walked towards his future. Tomorrow they would bury the Stargate had he would live happily ever after with his wife…His Wife!

*It's been a VERY long day*

That night as he lay in his tent with Sha'ra curled at his side; Daniel couldn't stop thinking of the man who had saved him, the man who had come to another world to die so he could forget the life of pain he had endured

*I've been there Jack*

Daniel closed his eyes and gave himself over to his nightly ritual of memories, the ones he couldn't face by the light of day, buried so deep only his subconscious could draw them out. His parents and ultimately their death, his adolescence, collage…the emotional cost of simply being Daniel Jackson. Maybe this would be the fresh start he needed.

As his body succumbed to sleep, exhausted from the internal onslaught of emotions, Daniels mind flipped to a new scene, a tall man with a kind smile as he disappeared into a sea of blue. Daniel lost himself to the moment as warmth spread through him

_Strange how my heart beats  
to find myself upon your shore.  
Strange how I still feel  
my loss of comfort gone before_

* * *

3 Months Later

Daniel was poking around the Stargate temple, he wasn't quite sure why but the Archeologist in him had a need to explore, even if there was no one to report to. He was so far removed from the life he knew that exploring kept him grounded.

The Abydonian's didn't understand his need, nor did they care. He was still an outsider no matter where he was it would seem but at least they had accepted his presence without question. Looking back it had been a huge risk to stay on an unknown planet, not that he had been thinking too clearly at the time, but he knew he had made the right choice.

There were times when he wondered what was happening back on Earth but he tried not to think too hard, it wasn't worth it. He had made his choice and he was sure it had been the right one. Sha'ra loved him and he knew she knew he felt the same. It didn't matter that he hadn't told her. She must know he enjoyed sleeping with her at his side. If nothing else it seemed to improve his sleep in general.

His dreams had been better since coming to Abydos. He still found himself thinking about his parents but for some reason as he fell asleep he felt a certain peace. In his dreams he felt safe, like there was a calming force stopping his mother's screams from echoing through his mind. He didn't want to forget his parents but to remember them in that way killed a little of him every time. He wanted to be happy and although he wouldn't say he was happy he was doing better.

*But when will the other shoe drop.*

Daniel couldn't help but feel a little apprehensive about his situation. Nothing had ever gone right for him in the past so why should things be different now.

*No! Stop it Daniel. Enjoy it while you can.*

He was with a woman who loved him on a planet that proved all his theories that Academia had rejected were in fact right. He was good.

He looked around at what he had discovered. The Stargate was gone, laid flat with a cover stone over it. The Abydonians had worked tirelessly to cover it in the thick stone. He ignored the feeling he got when the last piece was put into place. That night was the only restless night he had had so far on the planet. He assumed it was just the culmination of everything that had happened coming to rest in his head. Sha'ra had woken him briefly, concerned he was ill. The next day when he questioned her about it she had said he was speaking in his dreams. Daniel laughed and told her about sleep talking, speaking the words in his dream out loud. It was nothing to worry about. Sha'ra nodded in understanding, hugged him and whispered,

"He can't come back."

Daniel frowned in confusion but didn't press the matter.

Standing in the Stargate chamber Daniel allowed his mind to wander. He closed his eyes and travelled back to earth. He saw Katheryn drinking a cup of tea wearing the pendant he sent back to her. He saw the mountain where the Stargate was kept…although by now it was probably in a case somewhere at Area 51. He pictured Kawalski and Feretti kicking a football around, happily enjoying the knowledge they had saved a whole planet, maybe even Earth itself. He smiled and hoped his imaginings were a reality somewhere. He knew none of the people he had worked with in saving Abydos thought about him, why would they, but still it didn't hurt to remember them.

Daniel ran his hands over the cover stone; it had been 3 months since he had last seen its blue wave shoot out towards him. 3 months since his whole world view shifted. 3 months since Jack said goodbye. He couldn't understand why it bothered him so much.

He rarely thought about the Air force Colonel but when he did it left him with an ache inside. He knew so little about Jack but what he did know was that he was married and had a son; but his son had died and on that day Jack had died as well. The Stargate mission for Jack had been a one way trip. Daniel couldn't let that happen and in the end it had been Daniel that had escaped...stayed.

"I wasn't escaping, I didn't belong on earth." Daniel muttered to himself.

He wrapped his arms around himself,

"Jack is on Earth, happily married to Sara and certainly not thinking about you. Forget about him Jackson. He can't come back and seriously, why would he want to. You're nothing more than a geeky scientist who he got stuck with on a suicide mission."

Daniel sat on the edge of the cover stone with his head in his hands. He knew he needed to stop his train of thought before it derailed completely. It didn't do him any good to remember. It was a life time ago and he had to focus on his new life, maybe start a family. Live instead of existing. Sha'ra didn't like him going out on his own but he just couldn't let go. He couldn't forget, no matter how hard he tried. He started to pack up his bag to head back to the village. As he did he vowed he wouldn't come back. He couldn't come back.

*Yeah right* His mind argued, *you can't let him go!*

Daniel shook his head and as he started back he resolved to forget everything.

_Cool waves wash over  
And drift away with dreams of youth  
So time is stolen  
I cannot hold you long enough._

* * *

Day 219

**It's been 7 months since I came to Abydos: And I think I'm finally getting the hang of living here. I've managed to learn the basics of a simplistic existence, even cooking! In saying that what I wouldn't give for a Costco for the staples! A bag of flour is all I ask! I've even managed to "Tweak" a drink the Abydonians make from a root vegetable not too dissimilar to the potato. Doesn't quite taste the same...it's stronger; I'm sure Jack would appre...Why did I go there?

I can't seem to shut him out. I've tried, God knows I've tried. I know my mind is building him up the more I don't think about him, but if I do think about him it hurts with what I can only assume is home sickness. I mean we weren't friends. Maybe in different circumstances, like if we were both completely different people who both had something in common. But in saying that they say Opposites attract...Hang on, where are you going with this? that applies to couples not 2 men. Damn it Jackson, you swore you would not do this! Okay back to the subject at hand.

We discovered another Pyramid, Just like the one holding the Stargate except this time, no Stargate. I ran into it quite literally a month or so after I got here. I wasn't focusing on where I was going after leaving the Stargate Chamber and quite literally tripped over the entrance to it. It's incredible really, there are Cartouches just like we found at Giza, hundreds of them! I've started to write them all down, 6 symbols just like before which lead me to one theory; the Stargate goes other places...hundreds of other places, maybe more! New worlds, new societies, its mind boggling - who knows how far we could actually go - where we could actually go.

I've uncovered the Stargate. I know I said I wouldn't but if my theory is correct I have to try don't I? Jack would agree. What! No he wouldn't! Exploring isn't his thing. Anyway, it's unburied; it's been sealed long enough.

Skar'a got so excited when I told him I wanted to unbury it. "O'Neill" he exclaimed and ran off to recruit his friends to help uncover the gate. I didn't have the heart to tell him Jack would not be coming back. Let the boy have some hope in life. Even if he could there is no way Jack would come back, not without a reason...an order. He is military after all.

Sha'ra wasn't as pleased. I'm still unsure what her aversion to the Stargate is. It goes well beyond what Ra did over the years. I mean Ra is gone and there is no suggestion there are any other Ra's out there. And if nothing else it brought me here and I know she is happy about that.

I have grown to truly love Sha'ra's company. Her companionship means everything to me. I know she wishes I spent more time in the village but once I knew the possibility that there was more out there it seemed I was drawn back to the gate even more than before. I couldn't stay away. Something is missing and has been for a while. Oh I'm content don't get me wrong but still...I need to be here.

The days here are starting to blur...to become the same. Maybe once the Stargate is up and running again I will find peace. I know I shouldn't be wishing for more but I can't seem to stop. I have a home, a wife, and friends. I love the Abydonians - my childhood was spent immersed in their world and now I get to live it, I wish mum and dad could see it, see me.

Damn it! I can't think like this! I have to stay strong. I can't let them see. Jack would have been strong. So he had a weak moment, but he pushed through. I have to be strong...so no one will ever know how much I miss him! **

_And so this is where I should be now  
Days and nights falling by  
Days and nights falling by me  
I know of a dream I should be holding  
Days and nights falling by  
Days and nights falling by me_

* * *

"Daniel, DANIEL! THE RING MOVES!"

Skar'a ran into the Cartouche Chamber. Daniel looked up in surprise

"What do you mean it moves?"  
"It moves like before, it spins and a blue light comes out like water."  
"When, how long ago?"  
"Only now Daniel, I ran hard to get you!"

Daniel dropped what he was doing and ran outside with Sha'ra and Skar'a close behind.

Since uncovering the Stargate Daniel had all but lived in the temple; just in case. He had used the Cartouche to try some of the different combinations but none had worked. He supposed there was a reason he just hadn't figured it out yet. Sha'ra visited him at the Temple every few days, Daniel only returned to the village once a week. He told Sha'ra he preferred the Stargate chamber as it allowed them more privacy. Sha'ra didn't quite know how that was possible as there were always a group of Abydonians keeping watch over the device. But she smiled and kept her thoughts to herself, enjoying the time she did get to spend with her husband.

It was a good 20 minutes from the Cartouche to the Stargate room; to Daniel it felt like hours. He ran up the ramp but stopped suddenly, cautioning Sha'ra and Skar'a to be quiet, not wanting to scare whoever or whatever may have come through. He looked around the entrance way and seeing only familiar faces he made his presence known.

"Daniel! This came from the great ring!"

One of his Abydonian cousins gave him a box of Kleenex. Daniel laughed when he saw it, took one out just in time for a sneeze.

"Oh I've missed you!" He breathed.

Sha'ra took the box and turned it over in her hands.

"I do not understand Daniel. What is there to miss?"  
"Oh, uh well it's called a tissue box. You use it like a piece of cloth to wipe your nose except you throw it away when you're done with it. Quite hygienic really. I miss their smell." Daniel turned towards the silent gate and grinned, "Nice one Jack."

Sha'ra gasped and grabbed Daniels hand,

"You said he would not return. You said you would stay!" Daniel looked at her confused,  
"I'm not going anywhere and I said he *probably* wouldn't be coming back. Something must of happened on Earth and this is his way of letting me know he's involved."  
"How do you know it was him? It could be a trick."  
"No, it's Jack."

Daniel was positive it was the Colonel. He wasn't sure why he was sure but somewhere inside…he knew…It made sense. He went to the fire and picked up a cooled bit of wood. He looked down at the box trying to think of what to say in return.

"Hi…nope. I'm okay…um no." Daniel looked at the gate and then to Skar'a, "Do you want to see O'Neill again?"

Ska'ra's face lit up with a huge smile. Daniel took the box and wrote 'THANKS…SEND MORE'. He dialed the gate to Earth, a sequence he had memorized without realising, and sent the box through. He couldn't believe the effort it took not to jump through after it. When the gate shut down he turned to Skar'a,

"This could take a while."

He walked over to Sha'ra and kissed her gently,

"You are mine Daniel Jackson." She whispered,  
"Who else could I belong to?" *Who else cares*, "Don't worry Sha'ra, It will all be okay. You'll see."

_Soft blue horizons  
Reach far into my childhood days  
As you are rising  
To bring me my forgotten ways_

* * *

Day 1.

**I'm so lost, I can't even think straight. Maybe it's the beer…yeah right the Moonshine was stronger than that.

It's Day 1…again…Day 1 of what? My life back on earth, my life without Sha'ra, my life with…

Back on Abydos one of the last things I said to Sha'ra was 'Don't Worry." Well she isn't worrying anymore is she? She's gone and it's my entire fault, again. Whenever I get close to someone they get hurt…I get hurt. I can't do it anymore, I'm drowning and I can't stop. Except I can and that scares me the most.

When the Stargate opened again I couldn't believe it was real. Jack came through with a slightly different team, a young captain called Sam. She seems lovely, a scientist. I could tell Jack was loving that combination as much as Root Canal Therapy but still he went with it. It was wonderful to see him again, well maybe not wonderful but certainly surreal. When I saw him I let out a deep breath, almost like I had been holding it the entire time he was gone.

It was a little awkward at first, I mean let's face, he was never coming back but obviously he was there so something had happened.

Finding out that more 'Ra's' had come to earth was not the best news I could have hoped for, I mean he was dead, but at the same time I was glad for the excuse that caused the Stargate to re-open. Maybe this time I could go back…just for a visit. Take Sha'ra and Skar'a and show them my world! Sam was interested in the Cartouche and after the storm died down we left to go to the 2nd Pyramid.

Sha'ra was acting a little strange, not her usual bubbly self, When I got up to leave she stood with me and pulled me into a huge kiss, like she was trying to tell me something, make a point maybe I don't know. She said goodbye and for some reason looking back, I think she knew I wouldn't be seeing her again. It seemed so final.

Coming back from the 2nd Pyramid I found myself walking a little behind the others, Jack adjusted his stride to match mine. He asked me how I'd been and if I was really okay. I looked at him and for some reason I couldn't quite bring out the whole truth. I told him I'd been fine, maybe a little homesick but I was okay. He nodded but still didn't seem too convinced. We hardly spoke after that but the silence wasn't awkward.

Seeing the temple in disarray left me in shock. Finding Sha'ra and Skar'a gone left me numb, discovering I had to leave and that Jack wasn't taking no for an answer didn't throw me as much as it probably should have. He was right. He told me the best chance of finding them would be for me to leave with them. So leave I did. I can't believe I'm still so calm about this. Writing this down is just making it even more real. It's my fault. My stupid brain wanting to discover things, wanting to learn. If I could have just been content none of this would have happened. I could have lived with a wife that loved me, with a family who accepted me…that were alive. Now all I've done is tear them apart. I'm no good for anyone!

Back at the mountain I didn't know what to do. I had no home, no car; I didn't even have any clothes that would be considered acceptable. I had nothing…again. I just stood watching the bustle around me. I'm not actually sure how long I stood there. It was after the briefing by Colonel Hammond, he seems nice, Firm but nice, Jack walked up to me and told me to come back to his place. I don't know why the thought made me feel a little better, just being around the older man made me feel calmer. Like everything would be alright.

Jack was great. He didn't pry; we just ate pizza and drank beer. Neither of which I particularly like but it wasn't too bad. He told me about Sara and the divorce. I'm not actually sure he has told many people. I told him a bit about Sha'ra and our life on Abydos. He seemed a little distant with me; like something was on his mind. For some reason it's bothering me, I just hope I haven't done anything wrong. **

Daniel sat up and rubbed his eyes. He was in a spare room at Jack's country style home. Jack had told him he could stay at his place whilst he found his feet again. He looked around; it was a nice room…lots of blue. He knew it was just a room but he felt comfortable…something he certainly hadn't felt in a while. Daniel laughed,

"Something Funny?"

Daniel looked up and sobered up quickly,

"Oh Jack, yes, uh I mean no, well kind of." Daniel tilted his head a little as he contemplated what to say before settling on the truth, "I was just thinking this room was comfortable and that I hadn't been comfortable in a room for a long time…which isn't hard because the Abydonians don't have rooms. Kind of made me laugh."

Jack smiled a little before going to enter the room. He pulled up short and raised a questioning eyebrow,

"Sorry, mind if I come in?"  
"It's your house!"  
"Yeah but it's your room."

Daniel was a little surprised but decided against questioning it. He just gestured and Jack took a seat at the bay window across from him.

"Everything okay in here?"  
"Yea, I mean you got your bed, a pillow, drawers…I mean seriously, I've only known dust and sand for a year now. This is heaven! A blue heaven!"  
"Oh yeah, do you like blue?" Jack asked in a nonchalant voice. Daniel tilted his head again before answering  
"Yeah I do. It's a great change…It's comforting somehow."  
"Oh good. It's my favorite color, lately anyway, so when I re-painted this room well…anyway I should let you sleep."

Jack got up to go but stopped at the door. He turned to face the younger man,

"Daniel I will get the guys who did this."  
"Who painted the room?!"  
"Sha'ra and Skar'a. I will find them and make them pay. Danny I promise you I will find her for you!"

Daniel stared at the older man. The intensity in his eyes was overwhelming and Daniel felt a few tears roll down his cheek which he hastily wiped away. Jack came back into the room and placed a hand on Daniels shoulder, squeezing gently before leaving and closing the door softly behind him.

"No one calls me Danny." Daniel mumbled as he wrapped his arms around himself once more.

He rested his head against the wall and sighed. It had been a long time since he had heard that name, even longer since he had tolerated it. He picked up his Journal again,

**I don't know what's going to happen. Jack assures me that he will find Sha'ra and Skar'a, and that we will "Get the guys who did this!" He promised...and he seemed to mean it. I'm not going to hold him to it that wouldn't be fair. I'm used to broken promises but I don't think Jack will mean to break this one, the way he said it I think he was serious. I'll have to wait and see I guess. For now I will just have to trust that for once everything will be okay. I don't know how but I have to believe it."**

Daniel closed his journal and placed it on the bed side table before turning out the light. He lay looking at the window not realising that in another room across the hall a tired Air force Colonel was doing the same.

"I believe you Jack." Daniel whispered before falling asleep once again with the thought of a comforting smile in a world of Blue

In another room Jack looked out at the sky, his precious stars twinkling in their sea of black. For the first time in a year he felt peace

"Thank you for bringing him home." He whispered before succumbing to sleep, his thoughts of bright blue eyes full of trust.

Strange how I falter  
To find I'm standing in deep water  
Strange how my heart beats  
To find I'm standing on your shore.

**The End**

* * *

**Please R&R, It would be greatly appreciated xx**


	3. One Toy Soldier

**One Toy Soldier**

**Author:** Midnyteblue (AKA: angels_slayer_lol)  
**Pairing:** Jack/Daniel friendship (Eventual Slash)  
**Rating:** PG13  
**Spoilers:** The Broca Divide (Minor)  
**Summery:** After a difficult mission, Daniel begins to doubt himself  
**Disclaimer:** Not mine, never have been or will be. Thankyou also to the beautiful Enya for your inspiring Lyrics.  
**Notes:** 3rd story in my 'Enya Chronicles' fics - Yes it's to a Christmas song and it's not a Christmas fic but hey, who cares.  
**Notes 2:** Thoughts are in *-*, Lyrics in Italics.

* * *

Jack was restless, no strike that; he was bored! SG1 were due to depart in a little over 3 hours which meant there was a little over 3 hours of time to kill. The rest of his team were off doing last minute things, they were only due to be away for two days, standard recon, but his team had a bad habit of breaking those rules so there was always something to be done before departure…just in case. He'd told his team to go call family, pay bills, read a book, whatever they had to do to stay focused. Jack smiled; he knew his team better than that. Teal'c would be meditating, Carter would be calibrating a doohickey and Daniel…well Daniel would be reading a book.

Jack usually used the time to read up on the personnel at the base, both Civilian and Military. He liked to know that when he was off world General Hammond had the right people to back him up.

There hadn't been any newbies for the past week so Jack was now sitting in his office throwing a miniature basketball through the hoop on his wall. Just as he was contemplating tripping the fire alarm for fun (He would figure out the reason later), Daniel ran past his door, came to a quick stop and poked his head through the door.

"Jack, have you seen…this?" He picked a book up from Jack's desk, "Uh, sorry I don't remember leaving this here."

Jack smirked but quickly coughed to cover it,

"Sorry I'm not sure. I was thinking of using it as a doorstop or something, being so thick and all."

Daniel blinked and turned the book over as if to understand what Jack was talking about. Jack was having issues keeping a straight face. It was a game he had started with the younger man a few weeks before. Jack would take a book from Daniel's desk and leave it somewhere for Daniel to find, usually his own office or at least where he had vision of it. He wouldn't actually let one of Daniels precious books get hurt. He never said a word but waited to see how long it would take Daniel to find it again. The longest had been 16 hours and 43 minutes, the shortest…well Jack hadn't even got it out of Daniel's office.

Daniel looked at his team leader and shook his head slightly,

*I know what you're up to Colonel, not exactly covert. Oh well as long as they aren't wrecked I guess I can put up with it…I've put up with worse.* "Uh Thanks, I need to remember where I put things I guess."

The younger man raised the book in farewell and returned in the direction he had come. Jack chuckled, he knew Daniel knew what was going on but still he kept the game going. Secretly he hoped Daniel would begin to retaliate, get in the game so to speak. If nothing else he knew that if he kept taking his things Daniel would have to leave his office at some point. It concerned Jack that Daniel spent more time in his office than anywhere else on base. Even at home Daniel spent a bit of time in his room although he was starting to come out a little more as he became comfortable.

It had been 4 weeks since the younger man had returned from Abydos and he had mentioned the other day that he would start to look for an apartment soon so he would be "Out of your way." As he had put it. Jack had been quick to assure him that it wasn't necessary and he was welcome there as long as he wanted. Jack enjoyed the younger man's presence, it gave him a sense of contentment and while there was no way he was ever going to analyse that response he did know he was in no hurry for Daniel to move out. He could talk to Daniel…when he was around, and not feel like he had to uphold some sort of stereotype. He was comfortable, and he enjoyed listening when Daniel talked…if he talked…actually come to think of it Daniel rarely said anything. Jack always talked but Daniel would just listen without responding.

Jack frowned a little as he realised Daniel hid away in private just as much as in public. There was something to that and whilst Jack had read Daniel's personnel file before the original mission he realised apart from the basics he really didn't know much about the man living in his home. He was a mystery.

Jack counted off on his fingers the things he knew about Dr Jackson.

"Multiple degrees, speaks a bunch of different languages, has a wife, likes coffee…a lot, can drive manual transmission, knows nothing about sports, likes reading, has allergies…that's it. That's it?! 8 things…really!"

Jack sat back in surprise, he was sure he knew more than that, the man lived with him, they talked…well he talked…he was his friend, wasn't he? The things he knew anyone could pick up just by meeting him. Jack opened up Daniel's file on the computer.

"Dr Daniel Jackson, Born July 8 1965 to parents Melburn and Clair Jackson: Deceased. Multi-PHD: Egyptology, Archaeology, and Linguistics (Sub: Semiotics, Discourse Analysis and Phonology), MAphil: Mythology and Folklore. *How much did he study!* Obtained 1st Diploma at 16, PHD at 20. Spoken Languages – 20, Probably 21 by now, I heard you rattling off Goa'uld the other day."

Jack stared at the screen but nothing earth-shattering came to light, it was obviously in Daniel's nature to study but he already knew that. The info was just the standard Who, What and When the Military asked everyone to fill in. Jack frowned, this was the US Military and there was way more information floating around somewhere or else the good Doctor wouldn't have gained his clearance.

Jack closed the file and left his office, taking the elevator down a few floors to the archives. There wasn't much in storage right now but Daniel was being meticulous with the cataloguing of artifacts brought back and he was sure the rooms would be filled in no time. For now they just contained the extended Personal records for the base, the things that the civilians especially didn't need or want to have on public record.

He found Daniel's file and pulled out the box. It was so light. When it was opened Jack was surprised to find only a few bits of paper.

"So much for Military efficiency" he mumbled.

Jack recognised the 1st bit of paper as the hard copy for the computer file. The other bits were new but still not much help.

"Parents deceased – 1971, God he was only 6! Ward of the state till 17, 1 Known Relative - Grandfather. ..Why didn't he look after him?"

Jack sighed for what seemed the thousandth time that day. He placed the box back on the shelf and left, locking the archives behind him.

"Still a mystery Danny-Boy, That's okay I'll figure out what makes you tick."

He went up to the Commissary and found his team minus one Archaeologist sitting together with the new doctor, Janet. As he joined them he noticed Daniel walk in, glance towards them and proceeded to sit in a corner with his coffee and book. This was a common occurrence and Jack had never really payed much attention but he did now as he watched Daniel slowly retreat within himself; it was like he was trying to be as invisible as possible.

Jack continued to watch as a few of the marines sat down at a table close to him. One of them said something to which his friends all laughed. Daniel shrunk a little more into himself, something Jack wasn't sure was possible, got up and started to walk out.

"Hey Daniel!" Jack called out to his retreating team mate. When Daniel looked around Jack motioned for him to join them.  
"Uh no it's fine I'll…" With that Daniel made a hasty retreat.  
"I didn't even see him come in." Sam remarked.  
"His actions are as always very discreet." Teal'c agreed.  
"Yeah well someone noticed." Jack grumbled.

He got up and made his way casually over to the table of Marines who were still chuckling

"Hey sir." One of them greeted in an offhand manner,  
"Is that how you greet your commanding officer Lieutenant?!" Jack asked quietly.

Noticing the underlying tone of warning in his voice, all 5 marines leapt to their feet,

"No Sir! Sorry Sir!"  
"That's better. Now what exactly did you just say to Dr Jackson?"  
"Say sir, nothing!" The Marines glanced at each other and at the Colonel trying to gauge his response.  
"Yeah see that's my problem. I just don't believe you, now I'm going to ask one more time, what EXACTLY did you say to a member of MY team that sent him packing!"

The Marines all cringed and the one closest to Jack started fidgeting. Jack noticed the Commissary had gone very quiet as everyone looked on to see what was happening.

"Well Sir we didn't say anything *to* him exactly. I mentioned that it was a bit ridiculous having all these civilian's running around the place messing up the natural order of things." Jack continued to stare un blinking, "And maybe the reason he reads all the time is to figure out how to fit in." Jack continued to stare, "But it was good to have his type around to make the place a little more pretty."  
"His Type?" Jack's voice had dropped very low.  
"Um, yes sir."

Jack's eyes narrowed and the Marines began to fear for their friend's life as well as their own. They could see now the stories of Colonel Jack O'Neill may have been true.

"His type, do you mind telling me exactly what you mean by that?"  
"It was a joke Colonel. Didn't mean anything by it, just mucking around."  
"Yeah see once again I do not believe you. I do however believe you were making reference to Dr Jackson, a senior member of this facility, in a derogatory manner. Something that I WILL NOT TOLLERATE!"

Jack's voice had risen till he was yelling at the 5 men in front of him. The whole Commissary was on tenterhooks waiting to see the outcome. Jack didn't care, he would not tolerate bullying in his command and he wanted everyone to know it.

"Dr Jackson is the reason ANY of us are here. He is the Highest ranking Civilian on this base and is way smarter than most of us combined. He will be treated with respect and dignity and if I hear of ANYONE thinking otherwise they WILL answer to me! DISMISSED!"

The 5 marines saluted smartly as did half the room and they all left quickly whether they were finished or not. Jack returned to the table with his team and continued to drink his coffee.

"Everything ok sir?" Carter ventured  
"I will not stand for a member of my team to be harassed by those low life's who feel the need to pick on anything that moves. Daniel is the reason this place even exists. Without him none of us would be here. We move out in 20 minutes."

With that Jack got up and left. The 3 remaining members of the SGC looked at each other in shock,

"I heard his graduating class at the academy had the lowest level of bullying of any class to date. I think I know why." Janet remarked  
"Colonel O'Neill is very loyal. I believe his intentions are good." Teal'c replied  
"I can't believe Daniel just took what was thrown at him. Hopefully the Colonel's message got through."

They finished up and headed out to suit up for their mission.

When Jack arrived in the control room he noticed Daniel was standing just to the side of the gate with his arms wrapped around himself. Sam and Teal'c were talking next to him but the young man had still managed to distance himself from the group. As he was watching his team General Hammond came up beside him,

"I heard there was an incident not too long ago. Care to fill me in?"  
"There isn't any time now General but in short I would like to make 5 recommendations for transfers as soon as I return."  
"We can talk about it later Jack. Is all your team focused on this one?"

Jack notice the General was looking at Daniel with a concerned look,

"Everyone is fine Sir. I will make sure of it."  
"You do that. You have a Go."

Jack went down to the Gate room ready to disembark,

"Okay kids, let's roll!"

Jack went over to Daniel and bumped his shoulder as the gate wooshed to life,

"All good?" Jack asked  
"Yes, of course. Why what's wrong have I done…"  
"No, no I was just making sure you were all good. I was thinking Pizza for dinner on Sunday. Sound okay?"  
"Sure, whatever. I mean it's your house."

Daniel walked up the ramp after his team mates, following them through the gate. Jack shook his head as he followed on,

"Not all good. Have to fix that one."

_One toy soldier stands alone  
with his drum down by his side  
one toy soldier on his own  
with his drum to keep the time_

* * *

Two days later SG1 returned from their mission as scheduled. Jack was still concerned that Daniel hadn't quite picked up from the confrontation in the commissary, the Archeologist had been very quiet the whole trip, only speaking when spoken to and following orders without hesitation, something he wasn't known for doing. There was something going on in the younger man's head that went well beyond the taunts thrown at him.

After the briefing Jack hung back and followed the General into his office.

"So Jack, want to explain what happened that caused the 2IC of my facility to dress down a couple of Marines in public?"  
"I assumed by now you would know the story General, The 5 marines in question were talking down to a member of my team and I refuse to put up with that here sir."  
"I understand that Colonel but you need to remember there is a time and place for what happened. Now I have considered your recommendation and I don't have enough evidence to transfer the men in question…"  
"But General…"  
"Jack listen, I can't just get rid of personnel because you have a difference of opinion. Without sufficient cause, your little talking to will have to do."  
"Sir I hear you but I don't agree, there is no way I can let those guys say what they said to Daniel and get away with it?"  
"Daniel is a big boy Colonel, he can deal with it. If he has a problem he can come to me personally until then I need you to remember that you are second in charge of this facility and need to show a little more restraint. Dismissed!"

Jack saluted smartly and headed for the door, as he opened it to head out he heard a quiet voice behind him

"Jack, I don't like it any more than you."  
"Sir, it's Daniel, he may not be the first choice for most of the personnel here but he is a vital member of this facility, he didn't deserve the krap they gave him. No one does"  
"I agree. Just, watch Jack. Watch and listen. As I said I don't have sufficient evidence…for now."

Jack nodded, hearing the subtle message his Commander had given him. He left the Generals office to go and find the man in question. He found his office empty and when he rang the gate he found that Daniel had already left the mountain.

"Quick aren't we Danny-boy."

Jack attended to the necessary paperwork he had to do and left not to long after. Stopping in for Pizza on the way home, jack noted the Starbucks next door and whilst he waited he went and picked up a bag of fresh beans. He had the instant stuff at home which wasn't fantastic but served the purpose, but Jack had noticed the grimace Daniel gave with every mouthful. The younger man never complained but Jack knew his preference was for the real stuff.

When he got home he noticed the house was quiet. No lights were on but Daniel's car was in the driveway so he had to be here somewhere. Jack did a quick search but couldn't find Daniel anywhere. He started to get concerned till he realised he hadn't checked the deck. Treading quietly Jack opened the back door and climbed the ladder.

Daniel was sitting at the far end in a corner with his head on his knees. Jack stood for a moment watching him. The picture was not one Jack appreciated in fact it made his stomach twist. He walked over to the younger man and sat by his side.

"So I have pizza. Want me to bring it up here?"  
"Jack?" Daniel looked up  
"I hope so; I don't think I've been anyone else lately."

Jack hoped to make Daniel smile but all he received was a blank stare. Jack sighed,

"So, wanna tell me what's on your mind or are we just going to sit here?"  
"Nothing's wrong. I'm fine."  
"You know, I'm having a hard time believing people these days so I'm really not buying it."  
"Jack it's fine, really nothing's wrong I'm probably just tired."  
"Okay…well, being hungry isn't going to help so let's go eat pizza."

Jack stood and reached down for the younger man's hand to help him up. Daniel looked at Jack's out stretched hand in confusion. Eventually he reached out a little and Jack grabbed his hand and pulled him to his feet.

"Jeeze, it's almost liked you've never been helped up before."

Daniel hesitated a little and instantly wrapped his arms around himself as he headed for the ladder. Jack blinked at the reaction and watched as Daniel headed inside.

*He has to have been helped up, everyone gets helped up. Okay this is getting strange.*

When he got inside he found Daniel had retrieved plates for the pizza and was in the process of heating up a few slices. He reached for the bag of coffee and opened it, Daniel turned at the noise and his eyes widened when he saw the beans.

"What's that?"  
"Coffee, what else would it be?"  
"Okay, but why is it here?"  
"I figured I could aid your addiction." Jack stated with a grin  
"But you have coffee."  
"Only the instant stuff. I know you prefer fresh beans…I mean it does taste better."  
"You got this because I like it? Jack that's ridiculous!"  
"Why?"

Jack was getting more and more confused by the minute, It was almost like no one had ever brought something for him before, add that to the helping thing and the quiet thing, Jack was starting to build a picture that was not very pleasant.

Daniel took the beans and inhaled softly before sealing them in an airtight container and placing them in the cupboard.

"You didn't have to get them, I was happy with whatever you had."  
"Yeah well you'll be happier with actual beans so I figured we'd get them instead."  
"If you want."  
"I do want."

Jack took his pizza and sat on the couch, Daniel followed suit a few minutes later. For a while they sat in silence as Jack channel flicked.

"Want to watch anything?" Jack queried  
"No, whatever you want to watch is fine."

Jack was becoming increasingly frustrated at Daniels apathy but he was also becoming increasingly concerned. He had seen the same behavior before in kids at the local elementary school, Kids that were bullied or maybe didn't have the best home environment, basically the kids who didn't fit in. Most of the time it only took a bit of understanding and encouragement and they would bounce back, Jack didn't know what was going on with his house guest but he wasn't liking the picture that was being painted.

He purposely changed the TV to the History channel and left it there. He watched Daniel out of the corner of his eye to see if there was any reaction. The show being televised was on the Incan culture and at first Daniel continued to only stare but slowly his body language changed till Jack noticed Daniel was finally engaging with the program. He had relaxed a little in his chair and his vision had focused, finally Daniel began to react to the commentary and for the first time in days Jack was sure the younger man was actually happy.

In the ad break Jack flicked over to ESPN to get the score on the Hockey game being played that night. He switched just in time to see his team make a play for the goal. He focused on the game and next thing he knew it was full time, his team losing by only three pints. Jack sat back and ran his fingers through his hair, as he did he noticed Daniel sitting in the same position as before. Jack blinked and groaned,

"Oh wow. I'm so sorry Danny; I forgot to change the channel back. You missed the end."  
"Daniel. And its fine, the game was on."  
"Yeah but you were watching something first and I only flicked to get the score. I'm really sorry."  
"It's ok. It's your house and your television so it's your choice."

Jack noticed that Daniels statement had rolled off his tongue, like a lesson he had been taught.

"I really am sorry; I'll tape it for you because it's bound to be on again. They usually repeat things a few times."  
"Uh, it's fine Jack…really. I know how they end anyway." Daniel tried for humor but it kind of fell flat. "I'm, uh, going to bed. Goodnight."  
"Night." Jack repeated back softly

He sat forward and put his head in his hands. He couldn't believe he had done that. He would find a way to make up for it…maybe a nice big planet with trees and rocks, lots and lots of rocks. Jack sighed, he was positive he had just set their friendship back by decades. He sat back straight in realisation,

"When did I start thinking of him as a friend?! He's Daniel Jackson, genius extraordinaire, not like anyone I've ever been friends with before…friend!"

Jack got up and went to the deck, inadvertently taking up the same position Daniel had held earlier. It was his thinking spot. The one place he didn't have to be someone he wasn't, the one place he could talk to Charlie. He stared into the night, the autumn wind beginning to turn cool

"C'mon Charlie, help your dad out would ya!"

Jack didn't expect an answer anymore but on occasion his subconscious took the voice of his son and to Jack it was almost the same thing. He never told anyone but deep down he knew Charlie would always be with him…it was something he relied on.

As he was sitting a light came on next to him. The room Daniel was staying in had a window that looked out just over the end of the deck landing. He turned slightly and watched as Daniel sat against the head board and began to write in his journal. Jack wanted to leave and give the man his privacy but he couldn't bring himself to get up. He continued to watch as Daniel alternated between writing and staring at nothing. Then Jack notice Daniel wiping his cheek with the back of his hand. He was crying. Jack was stunned and his impulse reaction was to go and comfort him. That in itself told Jack his feelings toward the younger man had shifted because whilst he felt a little awkward about the situation he wasn't as opposed as he may have once been. The conflicting emotions had Jack glued to his seat.

Daniel continued to let his tears fall and eventually he reached over and turned off the night light. Jack was torn between wanting to help and not having the answers. It was in his nature to help anyone who needed it but in this case he felt helpless himself.

He went back inside and made his way to his bedroom which was situated across the hall from Daniel's. He stopped in front of his door but instead of going in he went and put his ear to the door opposite. He wasn't prying so to speak but he did want to make sure Daniel was okay. He could hear Daniel moving and he realised the door wasn't 100% closed. He pushed it a little further and in the darkness he glanced through the crack toward the bed. Daniel had his back to him but Jack could still make out the shaking of his shoulders that told him he was still crying. Jack was about to go when he heard Daniels voice again

"I'm so sorry mama; I'm just not strong enough. I tried but I can't do this. I'm not strong like you. I'm stupid and weak and when they find out I'll get kicked out again. I can't take much more. Please forgive me, I'm so sorry."

Jack shut the door as quietly as he had opened it and returned to his room. He wanted to punch something. He threw himself face down on his bed, he was so mad at a world that let Daniel, Strong upright Daniel, be reduced to a scared little boy. Jack didn't believe a single thing Daniel had said about himself, especially about them kicking him out. In fact he was sure Daniel's position was more secure than his own, But Daniel obviously didn't believe it.

There was still so much Jack didn't know but somewhere along the way he had begun to think of Daniel as a friend, and right now his friend was struggling. Jack vowed that somehow he would figure it out and make it right.

_He keeps the beet of marching feet  
He keeps the beat so true  
He's one small toy for one small boy  
But his heart is oh so blue_

* * *

Daniel looked up from his journal, tears streaming down his face. It was the first time in years he had let his emotion gain control over him and what made it worse, he had almost lost it in front of Jack.

It wasn't that he hadn't been able to watch the TV; there was nothing on television that he couldn't find in a book. And it wasn't that Jack had forgotten he was there, It wasn't the first time and it certainly wouldn't be the last. It was everything else. The Marines, the SGC, his team, jack…

The Marines making fun of him wasn't pleasant, but he had endured worse – far worse – even if they had hit a little close to home. He wasn't sure they realised it, at least he hoped they hadn't realised…they couldn't have done, he still had a job. Maybe he should only leave his office when absolutely necessary.

The SGC itself was another matter. The program was living proof that everything he had ever theorized was correct yet he would never be able to tell a living soul. Plus he wasn't suited to that life, the Military life. He was a scholar, an archeologist, not a serviceman. He didn't fit in. He had only joined to get Sha'ra back and whilst that was still his goal, it wasn't necessarily for the reasons everyone thought.

He was responsible for her. He wanted her safe. He wanted his life with her. He loved her…but he wasn't *In* love with her. For him Sha'ra was safe, and happy and she didn't deserve what had happened to her. What he had caused. Daniel knew now that he would never be able to live on Abydos again even if they did somehow manage to get her back, but he still needed to find her. He had promised.

SG1 were a different kettle of fish. He knew he slowed them down and he had never helped any of them, only hindered. Sam was always nice about it, and Teal'c…well Teal'c never said much anyway but he was Jaffa, anything less than 100% was unacceptable, and a bumbling scientist wasn't worth his time. General Hammond only let him on the team to shut him up and even the new Chief of Medicine, Doctor Frasier was having issues with him. His allergies were a constant source of frustration for her because she couldn't come up with a concoction that would work. Even that afternoon she had said she wanted to try a new anti-histamine on Monday.

He hated being such a burden on everyone. He closed his Journal and turned out the light. Pulling the covers over himself his thoughts turned to the man he had just left downstairs. Colonel O'Neill was the source of his problems and that worried him the most.

When he had come back a month ago Daniel felt lost and in that moment for some reason he had found comfort in the older man's generosity. Now he was worried he was wearing out his welcome. It had been 4 weeks since his return and in that time he had stayed with Jack, in reality he was off world as much as he was at home but still. He was already imposing on his work life; he didn't know how much longer he would tolerate him in his home. He had told him he would start to look for an apartment; maybe he would do that tomorrow.

The problem was Daniel didn't want to leave. He liked Jack's home; he had never lived anywhere as nice and probably never would again. He liked its warmth and its charm. He had vowed he would never become attached again, not to anyone or anything.

He should have learnt from his first foster family, maybe his second. He definitely should have learnt from Sarah, he could not get attached. In the end he would end up alone, he always had. Hurt and alone. His parents had left him, no foster family had ever truly wanted him and even Sarah hadn't wanted him in the end. Sha'ra had and in the end he had hurt her. He knew he had to be strong, let no one in. He had promised his parents he would be okay…but he had failed.

"I'm so sorry mama; I'm just not strong enough. I tried but I can't do this. I'm not strong like you. I'm stupid and weak and when they find out I'll get kicked out again. I can't take much more. Please forgive me, I'm so sorry."

Daniel hugged the pillow to him and cried into it. He thought he had heard a noise behind him but he didn't care. He knew he was getting wrapped up in himself but again he didn't care. Maybe it would be a good thing if Jack caught him crying, then he would kick him out himself and Daniel wouldn't have to tear himself away.

He had to bury everything he was feeling, he couldn't afford not to. Monday morning they were shipping out on a joint mission with SG3…Marines. He had to try and not screw it up. He didn't know how much longer he would have a job if he messed something else up.

Daniel tried to dry his face in vain and in the end he let himself drift off into a restless sleep.

*I can't lose him.* were his last thoughts.

_Who can mend my broken drum  
Will it be as good as new  
I must play when morning comes  
I don't, what shall I do?_

* * *

Daniel walked across the field of P3X-797. Jack and Sam we're a little behind him and he could hear Jack teasing Sam about her little cave-woman experience. Daniel was wrapped up in his own world.

Jack caught up with him and the pair walked in silence for a little way, neither realising that their pace had increased slightly till they were a fair way ahead of the others. Jack looked over at his friend quickly assessing the younger man's condition. The limp was probably just a sprain and the torn shirt could be replaced but Jack was concerned about his mental state. It had been a very long few days and as much as Jack had been saying he would make it up to Daniel, he just seemed to be going backwards. Punching him probably hadn't helped.

"So, this is a nice planet. Maybe we could vacation here." Jack quipped  
"Well that would be fun; I enjoy a pre-historic experience as much as the next man."

Jack grimaced at Daniels tone and side stepped a small ditch, in doing so he knocked Daniel a little in the arm. The younger man flinched at the contact and stepped away but still kept time with Jack.

"Listen Daniel, I'm real sorry about what happened."  
"What do you mean? It wasn't your fault. Daniel's hand automatically went to his arm and the other wrapped around his waist. "It was a sickness. Nothing you had control over."  
"I hit you. I don't know what came over me. I don't do that."  
"Jack seriously, its fine okay. You weren't yourself and you can't be held responsible for your actions. Just like Carter didn't mean what she did…maybe…anyway, and the rest of the SGC had issues too."  
"Danny, I hurt you. That's not something I'm going to forget."  
"Daniel! And it's fine. Let's just forget about it. Please."

Daniel looked over at Jack and increased his pace even more, by the time Jack caught up they were at the Stargate and Daniel was already locking in the last Chevron.

Once through the gate SG1 were ordered to visit the Infirmary to be checked out. The four of them were seated on separate beds in a line, Teal'c at the back, Sam, Jack and then Daniel. Jack watched Daniel as he removed his jacket and shirt. Daniel had his head bowed and was trying hard to avoid everyone's look as he removed his clothing. Jack's eyes widened as he took in the extent of Daniels injuries. Aside from the scratches and his knee, Daniel had bruises on his chest and back as well as bruises on his arms that Jack was sure would match his hand size exactly.

"Oh God, Daniel."

Daniel shrunk in a little and tried to cover his injuries as best he could. Janet saw his discomfort and attended to him first. With his knee strapped and gauze covering his scratches Daniel took off as fast as he could. Jack looked at the nurse checking him out and raised an eyebrow,

"Don't mean to push but can we get this moving a little."  
"A few more minutes Colonel." The nurse smiled and continued to do her job. Jack had no choice but to wait.

Daniel pretty much ran to the change rooms, once there he debated on whether to change and head straight out or shower there. Heading home meant facing Jack whereas if he showered here he could go to his office and hibernate, no one would know he was there. He took a quick look around and seeing no one he decided to take a quick shower and then head to his office.

As he stood under the running water he blocked out everything and concentrated on the pain of the water cleaning his wounds. He was so focused within himself he missed the entrance of two of the Marines who were in the Cafeteria a few days before.

"Whoa, check out those bruises Mark, wonder how he got those!"

Daniel spun around, twisting his knee further in the process. He took a deep breath as he fought through the pain, quickly turned the water off and grabbed his towel.

"Hey guys." Daniel mumbled as he wrapped the towel around himself. He went to walk past the men but they stood in his path effectively stopping him from leaving

"Hey, so nice bruises. Your boyfriend get a little too rough did he?"  
"Please move so I can get past."  
"Oh look he's not denying it." Mark smirked.  
"Mark, Liam this has been fun but please move, I just want to go home okay."  
"Want to run home to your boyfriend? I knew there was something about you that was off. Your type does not belong here." Liam spat  
"He lives with the Colonel doesn't he? Reckon he's…you know."  
"The Colonel! Never, bet he doesn't even know about this one. Maybe we should fill him in?"

Daniel went to push past the two Marines but they shoved him back until he was pressed against the back wall.

"Please just let me go." Daniel pleaded.  
"Not until you learn your place. You and the rest of your kind."  
"I'm not g…"

Daniel's words were lost as Liam punched him in the stomach. Daniel doubled over and sunk down into the fetal position.

"Maybe the Colonel is in on it, that little speech he gave in the mess was certainly very passionate. Reckon he cares more than he's letting on?"  
"Jack does not care about me!" Daniel managed to get out as he received a kick to his mid-section  
"And I bet that's something that upsets you big-time isn't it you queer." Mark glared down at him.  
"We'd better go; the rest of them will be here soon,"

Liam grabbed Mark's arm and the pair left leaving Daniel in a heap on the floor. A few minutes later Jack walked into the change room, seeing Daniel on the tiles he ran over and went to help him up. Daniel had his eyes closed but still shied away from the sound of Jack's footsteps. He curled further in on himself and put his arms over his head.

"Daniel! It's me, Jack. What the hell happened?"  
"Jack?"

Daniel opened an eye and glanced up towards the man hovering over him. He went to move but the pain in his stomach had him quickly curling up again. Jack looked around and ran to the door to see if there was anyone around to help.

"Jack, please don't."

Daniel's quiet voice rang through loud and clear to Jack. He glanced out the door and seeing no one he ran back to Daniel's side.

"Daniel you need medical attention. I need to go and get someone, Janet."  
"No please, I've had enough of that today. Please just get me home."  
"Daniel, you need to see someone. You can barely move."  
"I'm okay, really. Just sleep. I need sleep. Home please Jack. Just help me up and I'll be okay.

Jack grabbed Daniel under his arms and gently lifted him into a kneeling position. Slowly Daniel managed to stand and Jack supported him over to his locker. He helped Daniel into a shirt but Daniel insisted on using his own power to finish.

"Jeeze Danny, who did this to you?"  
"It was no one, I slipped. Bad knee."  
"Yeah right." Jack grumbled, "I will find out Danny, you might as well tell me."  
"Just let it go Jack. I'm not…It's not worth it."

Jack watched as Daniel managed to limp out the door with his arm holding tightly to his stomach. Jack was hoping there wasn't any major damage to the Archeologist but he wasn't too sure.

Jack followed Daniel to the elevator. He needed to do one more thing before leaving the mountain but he couldn't want to leave Daniel alone…he didn't know who to trust. At that moment Lou Feretti walked past the Corridor they were in,

"LOU!" Jack called out and glancing at Daniel he ran down the hall to his friend. "Lou, need a favor, can you make sure Jackson gets to my truck. Don't let anyone near him and don't let him tell you he's okay OR let him drive."  
"Sure Jack, everything okay?"  
"No."

Lou followed Jack back towards Daniel who was waiting for the elevator to arrive.

"Hey Danny, I forgot my keys, Meet you up there."  
"Okay, Hey Lou…I don't need a babysitter Jack."  
"Who said you did? Lou was headed out anyway, right Lou?"  
"Sure was Doc, headed home to the Wife, her Lasagna is worth being early for."

Daniel nodded silently and as the elevator arrived he limped inside and rested against the back corner. Lou watched him go in and raised an eyebrow at Jack. Jack just shook his head and patted his friend on the back as he walked back the way they had come.

Jack headed towards Daniel's office and locked it up for the night before checking in on Sam's lab. Seeing she wasn't there he started to head back when he had a change of thought and ran back upstairs. General Hammond was in with SG5 when he entered the briefing room.

"Pardon me General, I need to see you."  
"Colonel, I'm in the middle of a briefing. Can't this wait?"  
"No Sir I'm afraid it can't. I need to take an extra few days down time."  
"Jack you're due to go off world tomorrow afternoon, I can't authorize that right now. Now if you can excuse us…"  
"Sir, It's…I've been…watching…just like you said."

General Hammond looked up sharply and narrowed his eyes at his 2IC.

"Bad?"  
"Oh yeah."  
"I can assume you will be able to provide sufficient evidence should I grant your request."  
"I sure hope so sir. Uh sir, I need to also request time for all involved."

General Hammond stared at his 2IC for a few moments, seeing the pleading look in his eye he knew he had to give in,

"Alright Colonel you have four days. Report back on Tuesday morning at 0800."

Jack saluted and left quickly. Hammond turned back to the table with a concerned expression, something must have happened to Daniel to get Jack on edge like that. He looked up at a very perplexed SG5 and waved his hand for them to continue.

Jack got to the top of the mountain in record time; Lou was waiting at the door watching Jack's truck to make sure Daniel stayed put.

"What's going on Jack? Daniel have a hard time Off World?"  
"Yeah, not doing so great On World either. Thanks."  
"Any time."

Lou watched Jack drive off with Daniel sitting quietly in the front seat. Jack was in protection mode, something he had personally been on the receiving end of. The Doc would be okay but heaven help whoever got in Jack's way.

Back at the house Jack helped Daniel get inside and upstairs. He wanted nothing more than to grill the younger man as to what had happened but Daniel was not in the right frame of mind yet. He helped him take his shirt off but again Daniel wouldn't let him do anything else.

"C'mon Danny, you haven't got anything I haven't got myself. Let's make this easy yeah?"

Daniel looked warily at Jack but allowed him to help him out of his long pants, leaving his boxers on, and into the bathroom. Jack turned on the shower and adjusted the temperature before leaving the younger man alone.

"I've had a shower."  
"Indulge me."

Jack went across to his room to retrieve the phone before heading into the study. He settled down with a piece of paper and began his series of calls.

Sam had just walked in the front door of her home when the phone let out its shrill cry,

"Hello?"  
"Captain, it's me."  
"Colonel! Long time no…what's up sir?"  
"Captain I need you to do your magic on the computer, but I need it kept under wraps, can you do that?"  
"Of course Sir. What do you need?"  
"I need you to look at the security cameras outside the change room and tell me who went in after Daniel this afternoon."  
"Sir, I don't think that's something I'm authorised to do."  
"I'm authorising you Carter, can you do it or not."  
"I can try. Why did something happen?"  
"Nothing I can't handle as long as I have the info I need."  
"Sure Sir, when do you need it?"  
"ASAP! We aren't shipping out tomorrow so use the time then. And Carter, if you hear anything any…rumors, let me know straight away. Get Teal'c to keep an ear out as well."  
"Sir, what's going on? Is Daniel okay?"

Jack considered telling his 2IC what had happened but he didn't think Daniel would want anyone to know.

"Just stay alert Captain. I'll see you in a few days."

Jack hung up the phone and still hearing the water running he made a quick call to Lou to get an Airman to bring back Daniel's Car. Making one last call to the local Thai Restaurant for a home delivery, Jack ordered some of Daniel's favorites before hanging up and heading back into Daniel's room.

Jack frowned as he heard the water still running. It had been a good twenty minutes. Jack lay back slightly on the bed to wait and as he did his mind ran over the past week. He knew he had to get to the bottom of what had happened earlier and although he had a fair idea of who the culprits were, without proof there was nothing Jack could do. He knew Sam would turn up something but until then he just had to wait it out, his main priority was to look after Daniel.

They had a lot of stuff to work through and Jack wasn't so sure he could do it in 4 days, heck he wasn't sure he could do it in four years, but he had to try. He had promised himself the same thing so many times over the past two weeks it was like listening to a broken record, he was even starting to annoy himself and it was becoming a case of 'Where do I start?'

"Where do I start?" Jack exclaimed out loud.

He had never backed away from a challenge before and he wasn't about to start now, even if his training didn't allow it…he couldn't. Daniel had saved him more times than he liked to think about and had been there in his darkest hour. It was time to return the favor.

"C'mon Danny, food will be here soon."

Getting no response Jack got up and poked his head into the bathroom. The area was full of steam so thick Jack couldn't see a foot in front of him. He stepped into the room and looked at the shower tub; he couldn't see a shadow behind the dark curtain so he pulled it back to make sure Daniel was okay.

The Shower was pounding down on the younger man's back as he was scrunched in a ball sitting on the floor of the tub. The water was so hot it had turned Daniel's skin a bright shade of red.

"Daniel?" Jack asked quietly so as not to spook him. Getting no response Jack reached out and touched his shoulder. Still getting no response Jack squeezed hard. Daniel slowly turned to look at him. Jack had seen that look before, in his own eyes as he stared into the mirror the days after Charlie had died.

"Oh Daniel."

Jack reached forward and turned the water off. He grabbed a towel and wrapped it around Daniel's shoulders. He stepped into the tub and pulled Daniel to his feet, getting him out of the tub. He wrapped another towel around his mid-section and led him to the bed. Gently laying him down Daniel curled up on his side and turned away from Jack, looking towards the window. Jack pulled the comforter up over his friend and turned out the light. He then went and sat in the chair that was by the window and watched as Daniel continued to stare at nothing.

The two men stayed that way all night except on Jack's part to go and get the Thai he had ordered. He put the containers straight into the fridge and returned to his chair.

Occasionally Daniel would glance over at Jack and seeing the older man's eyes on him he would quickly look away. Daniel didn't know what to do. He was so lost he was afraid to go to sleep; scared he wouldn't be able to wake up.

Jack had helped him both at the SGC and once they got home, and although he had wanted him too it was a shock to his core that Jack had actually done it. No one had ever helped him before; except his parents and that was so long ago he wasn't a hundred percent sure those feelings were real.

He glanced over at the man occupying both his thoughts AND a chair in his room. He couldn't understand why Jack was so worried about him; no one else had ever cared so having someone seem to do so now was a little disconcerting. Daniel knew he would be okay, the punch had winded him and the kick Mike had given him had actually impacted his arm not his stomach. His arm and wrist hurt but if that was his only concern then he didn't have too much to worry about on that end.

What he was worried about was what this would do not only to him but also to Jack. The Marines had hinted at something he didn't want to think about but having Jack implicated was unimaginable. He had to get away from the man as soon as possible, for everyone's sake.

Daniel continued to look towards Jack who was currently looking out the window. Suddenly Jack looked towards him and being unable to look away fast enough their eyes met. In that moment Daniel knew he would do anything to protect Jack. He would leave as soon as possible, maybe the General could get him a job in research at Area 51, he would have to ask tomorrow.

Still looking at Jack, Daniel felt a sense of calm and he gradually let himself drift off to sleep.

Jack had been unable to get his eyes to leave the Archeologist's, there was something there, a determination, and whatever conclusion Daniel had come to Jack was sure he wouldn't like it. They would have to work on it tomorrow.

*I'm not letting this go on any longer Daniel. You and I are going to sort this out, then I can make it right,*

Around 3am Daniel finally fell asleep; Jack continued his vigil by the window, never taking his eyes off his friends sleeping form.

_He keeps the beat of marching feet_  
_He keeps the beat inside_  
_while children sleep, in dreams so deep_  
_there's a secret he must hide_

* * *

As the sun began to rise, Jack closed the dark blue curtains so the sun wouldn't wake Daniel and decided to go and make some breakfast. As he was leaving he heard Daniel stir, his mumbling getting louder as a nightmare took hold,

"No…not like that…wife…don't tell him…Jack…don't tell him…JACK!"

Jack rushed over and put his hand on Daniel's shoulder. At the contact Daniel calmed immediately and settled back on his side.

*What was that about? What doesn't he want me to know*

Jack was puzzled but seeing that Daniel had settled back into a peaceful state he once again headed for the door, this time successfully making it down stairs.

He put on a pot of coffee and made himself some toast as he continued to contemplate how to tackle the situation. Over the course of the night Jack had run through various scenarios but so far he hadn't had a single light-bulb moment. He knew he wasn't thinking very clearly having had no sleep since the virus had worn off nearly 2 days ago but something told him that right now, sleep was not a priority.

Nearly 40 minutes later he heard the stairs creak and he looked up to see Daniel fully dressed tip toeing towards the door,

"Bit early for a walk isn't it Danny?"

Daniel looked over at Jack and cringed,

"Oh, hi. I was just headed to the mountain, get a head start and all that."  
"Oh okay sure, I figured you were trying to sneak out of the house so you didn't have to talk to me about what happened yesterday." Jack raised an eyebrow and Daniel had the grace to look a little guilty at being caught out. "C'mon Daniel, sit down, have coffee…you know you can't survive without it."

Daniel hesitated for a moment before giving in and making his way over to the table. Jack poured him a fresh cup as well as a second for himself and sat back down. Daniel continued to stand, his arms wrapped around himself.

Jack watched as he reached out his right hand for his coffee, went to grip the handle, flinched slightly and used his left hand instead.

*Gotta get that checked out too…boy this list is getting long.*

"So we have a few days downtime, wanna do something?" Jack asked casually.  
"What do you mean? We have a mission to PPX-639 in a few hours."  
"Nah, Hammond called, gave us a few days off. Something about all the hard work we've put in. So what you wanna do?"  
"If you want to go somewhere I can go and get some work done at the mountain. You don't have to worry about me."  
"Someone has too." Jack spoke softly.  
"I'm fine Jack really, I just slipped and fell in the shower, I'm clumsy. I uh, really have to see General Hammond."  
"You *have* to see him? Daniel we have 4 days down time and in those 4 days I am not letting you step one foot inside that base. The next 4 days we are forgetting the SGC even exists. No snakes, no worm holes, no freaking Marines beating the krap out of my friends!"

Jack's voice had risen till he was almost yelling at the Archeologist. Daniel's eyes widened at Jack's last comment and he spun around and walked into the living area. Jack sighed and followed him through,

"I'm right aren't I Daniel. It was Jacobsen and his buddies."  
"I slipped, it was my fault."  
"Why are you protecting them? You know what Daniel it doesn't matter. What does matter is you so first thing we are doing is going to the doctor and getting your arm looked at, and then we are sitting down and sorting this out once and for all."

Daniel looked at his feet as he replied, "There's nothing wrong with my arm."

Jack glared and picked up a tennis ball he had sitting on the bench.

"Catch!"

Daniel looked up and instinctively threw his right hand out to catch it. The pressure of the ball hit his open palm and Daniel dropped the ball in pain, his eyes watering as a result.

"Just like I thought, come on, let's go get an x-ray."

Jack pretty much pushed the very caffeine deprived archeologist out the door and into his truck. They had been driving for nearly thirty minutes before Daniel looked around in confusion,

"We aren't headed for the mountain?"  
"I told you, no Stargate Command for four Days. We're going to Denver to see my doc there."  
"You have a doctor in Denver?"  
"It helps to have a few resources around the place. She is…was Charlie's Pediatrician but she has also helped me out with a few things in the past that were…sketchy?"  
"Classified."  
"Also known as. Anyway after that we are sitting down and you are going to talk to me."  
"Is that an order Colonel?  
"A request." Jack intoned softly

It took a little over an hour to get to the University Hospital in Denver. Once parked Jack led Daniel inside through the maze of corridors till he reached an office with the sign 'Prof. Elaine Carrey MD' on the door. Jack knocked softly and poked his head around the door,

"Ellie?"  
"Jack! Came the bubbly reply. Jack pushed the door open and Daniel looked through to see an older woman with greying hair sitting behind a very large desk.

Jack walked in and gave the woman a big hug.

"How you been Ellie?"  
"Oh you know Jack, busy busy. Thinking about retiring then I heard you had been recalled to active duty and I figured I'd better put in a few more years. How about you?"  
"Looking after me as always, I'm good. Much better than the last time I saw you." Jack indicated to Daniel, "Ellie this is Daniel. He had a run in at the mountain and I was hoping you could look at his arm."

Elaine smiled at Daniel and reached out to take his hand. Daniel hesitated but walked over and extended his un-injured arm to her.

"So Daniel, is it Colonel, Major, Lieutenant…?"  
"Doctor actually." Daniel mumbled  
"Doctor? What field?"  
"Academics." Daniel averted his eyes. It wasn't un common for a medical doctor to look down on Doctors of Academia because they weren't *Real* doctors and Daniel didn't want to deal with much more.  
"Academics is a broad term Dr. Jackson, want to narrow it down for me?"

Jack shook his head and decided to jump in

"Don't let the doc fool you doc, he's a multi PHD in Archeology, Linguistics and Egyptology!"

Elaine raised an eyebrow at Jack's enthusiasm

*haven't seen you like this in over a year Jack – Interesting*

"Quite an accomplished young man Dr. Jackson, so may I ask ¿Qué demonios estás haciendo trabajo para los militares?"  
"Supongo que se podría decir que estoy trabajando en calidad de asesor, pero es técnicamente... bien…"  
"Classified!" The pair finished together.

Daniel smiled and Dr Elaine Carrey shook her head in wonder

"Excuse me? English is also a fun option."  
"What?"

Daniel looked confused at Jack's question,

"You were both speaking in…Spanish? I think it was Spanish."  
"No we weren't?"  
"Were!"  
"Were not?"  
"So were  
"I would know if I was speaking Spanish!"  
"Actually we were Dr Jackson."

Daniel looked at the doctor with a puzzled expression as he replayed the last few moment in his mind.

"Oh, I guess we were. I didn't even notice. Uh, Dr Carrey asked what I was doing working for the military and I said it was classified."  
"Something I hear all too often from this one!" Dr Carrey pointed a finger at Jack who rolled his eyes at the comment,  
"Ok Doc, so can you fix him?"  
"I don't even know what's wrong Jack; but I will see what I can do."

Doctor Carrey led the men down the hall to a small surgery lab where she had Daniel get up on the table.

"This is one of our training labs, fully functional operating room, maybe a little dated but aren't we all!" she grinned at Jack and Daniel decided he definitely liked this woman. "Alright Daniel, off with your shirt!"  
"What? But it's just my arm!"  
"Maybe, but the way you're holding it I want to make sure that's the only damage. Indulge me Dr Jackson."

Daniel sighed and began to do as requested. Jack cringed as Daniel's injuries came into view; he noted a few new bruises that had popped up overnight. *I'll kill them!* Jack's eyes narrowed at the unexpected thought; he was angry but the strength of his reaction surprised him. Still seeing Daniel like this for the second time in less than 24 hours made him furious.

Elaine was shocked to see Daniel's injuries but what surprised her more was Jack's reaction. She looked Daniel over briefly then gazed at Jack, *Interesting Colonel, very interesting.*

"Now I *really* want to know what you do Dr Jackson! I've seen Jack like this but an Archaeologist…most of these are a few days old but I see some fresh impact, I assume you were checked out on base? Who's the lucky doctor stuck with you this time Jack?"  
"Dr Janet Frasier, she's only new. The first one didn't last a month!"  
"It took you a month to scare off your first doctor? Jack you are losing your touch! Well I have heard of Doctor Frasier and I don't think you will get rid of her as easily." Dr Carrey pushed gently on Daniel's side and noted how he flinched slightly. She then took his arm and gently ran her fingers down it's length, "I want to take an X-Ray of your abdomen and arm if that's okay Daniel."  
"What are you thinking Ellie?"  
"I'm thinking at least 1 broken rib and a broken arm but the pictures will show for sure."

She looked at Jack and saw fire burning in his eyes, her gaze turned to Daniel who was doing everything possible to not look at them,

"This didn't happen in the line of Duty did it?"  
"No." Daniel mumbled  
"But you don't want the military finding out…" She looked at Jack  
"No."  
"Why do I get the feeling I should be reporting this to someone."  
"I'm taking care of it."  
"That's what I'm afraid of Jack, look I'm not going to say anything, you know that."  
"You never do, that's why I trust you Ellie."  
"Well someone needs to look after you!"

Elaine set up the X-Ray and took the required pictures; she then brought Jack and Daniel in to have a look,

"Okay Daniel, no broken ribs; just a lot of bruising; but you do have an incomplete fracture of the Radial Bone." She pointed at the screen, "So the bone is…cracked but not completely broken. I'll set it and you can get Dr Frasier to remove the cast in four weeks."

At this Daniel looked up in panic,

"I can't go to work in a cast! Just strap it tightly and It will be fine."  
"Dr Jackson, you are a very intelligent young man but your field is not medicine. Strapping it only may cause…no *will* cause permanent damage and possibly even complete the break."  
"It's fine, really. Just get a piece of board and a bandage it and it will remain immobile. Please?"  
"He's as difficult as you!" Elaine commented sounding quite exasperated.  
"I'm such a good influence."  
"Alright Daniel, compromise, I put on an adjustable cast."  
"What's that?"  
"We do it sometimes when we need to set the bone but there is too much swelling. We make the cast, cut it and then put it back on with a bandage securing it. It's not brilliant but you can remove it if you want.

Daniel sighed in relief and visibly relaxed.

"One condition!" Elaine continued whilst eyeballing the two men, "The cast will remain ON at all times when you aren't at work and if possible don't do ANY activity that may put strain on the bone."

Daniel looked at Jack and raised an eyebrow before they both turned back to Dr Carrey,

"Okay." They said in unison  
"That's what I thought." Elaine groaned, "Good luck to Dr Frasier is all I can say."  
"I'll make sure the cast stays on when it can." Jack laughed  
"Alright. Well come on Daniel, this is a kids hospital after all so my next question would be, What colour cast would you like?"  
"Colour?" Daniel asked

The next hour was spent choosing a colour for his cast, (blue after some insistence from a certain Air Force Colonel), setting the arm and waiting for the cast to dry, After this Elaine cut the cast from his arm and instructed the two men on how to re strap it so it held firm to Daniel's wrist.

As they were leaving Ellie gave Daniel a quick hug which surprised the younger man but he gratefully accepted it

"Thank you for this, and I'm sorry if I've inconvenienced you in any way."  
"Don't be sorry Daniel! It was an absolute pleasure to meet you. I'm sure that if you keep aligning yourself with this particular man I will see you again; maybe on a less professional note?"

Daniel nodded and began to walk down the hall, Jack watched him for a moment before drawing Elaine into a bear hug,

"Thank you Ellie, you're amazing!"  
"Any time Jack, you know that. It was great to see you, you're smiling more now. I like it.  
"Well it's taken a while Ell, but I think I'm getting there."  
"Don't let whatever has changed you go Jack. I think it may just be the best thing for you."

Elaine didn't miss the brief glance Jack made towards Daniel's retreating figure,

*Very, very interesting Jack.* "I meant what I said you know; maybe you could come to dinner sometime soon? Bring Daniel, I think he needs a little TLC."  
"You aren't wrong there. Okay Ellie I'll call you soon to talk about it."

As he turned to leave Elaine put a hand on his arm,

"Jack, I shouldn't be asking you this…it breach's the doctor/patient confidentiality clause but I have a feeling Daniel wouldn't be too forthcoming with information."  
"What is it?"  
"Is Daniel a Foster Child?"  
"Yeah he is, how did you know?"  
"I've seen his reactions before in kids out of the system but more than that Jack, his response to how he wanted his arm treated was textbook self-care in the event of a fracture if medical help is unavailable. Now he may have read up on things like that but…Jack I've seen his X-Rays, there are at least 2 breaks that have not fully healed. I hate to think what else I could find"  
"Maybe the breaks are from this…incident."  
"I don't think so Jack, they looked old. I don't want to pry but, I'm worried. I think you care about him, yes?"  
"He's a friend."  
"Okay, well I know I'm not his doctor and I have only known him for two hours but Jack, take care of him?"  
"I will Ellie, I promise. Uh maybe…look I've been trying to get information on him myself and the Air Force has not been very forthcoming but maybe you have contacts that could pull some of his medical files, find out a bit more?"  
"I'll see what I can find, I can't share any medical details without Daniel's permission, you know that."  
"I know and I wouldn't ask you to but maybe just some general info? If he's had breaks he will be in the system somewhere."  
"I do my thing Jack, you do yours."  
"It was good to see you Ellie; I'll talk to you soon. Oh where is there some good coffee around here?

Outside Jack and Daniel headed back to the car and Jack drove them across town to a small café that Elaine had given him the directions for. They ordered their coffee and Jack led them to a small park across the road. Jack took a sip of coffee and watched as Daniel seemed to inhale at least half the cup.

"Wow, this coffee is amazing."

Jack had to admit it had a very nice flavor but he was more interested in getting Daniel to talk about what had happened instead of talking about a roasted bean.

"Danny, want to tell me what is really going on?"  
"Jack seriously, I'm fine okay. I know you want to talk about this but there's nothing to talk about. I messed up and I paid for it, I just need to be a little more careful in future, that's all okay, lesson learned."

Daniel got up with his coffee began to walk away from the table, Jack however wasn't going to let it go,

"Daniel wait! Look, this has gone on long enough, this has been going on for over a week, ever since what happened in the Commissary, Yes I know about that," Jack admitted as Daniel spun to face him, "I know what they said, I know what they implied and I gave them a good dressing down after it, so if what happened yesterday is a result of what *I* did then *I* need to know about it! Daniel, over the last week I've let you down as both a Leader and a friend and I need to make it right, I want to make it right. Your my friend Daniel and I…I don't like seeing you hurt, it upsets me…more than I like."

Jack frowned slightly at this admission, it was the truth and he wasn't sure why he did care so much but he did and he might as well own up to it.

"Daniel, I've hurt you, I grabbed you and punched you and I've left marks, I don't know how I can ever make it up to you and I'm not asking your forgiveness but please, let me fix what I can."  
"You can't fix everything Jack."  
"You're right, but at least let me try."

Daniel walked around aimlessly for a bit but kept within range of Jack who stood very still; ready to run if Daniel did,

*Please don't run, I'm not sure Ellie will appreciate what it will do to my knees!*

Finally Daniel stopped and turned to face Jack,

"Jack there is a lot you don't know, a lot I can't tell you…I don't want to tell you."  
"Why? Look, I know you have a few…issues…probably from your time as a foster kid and I'm hoping maybe one day you will be able to trust someone, if not me, enough to let them in on those secrets. But for now, just tell me what you can, please I'm not going anywhere."  
"That's the problem Jack, I need you to go. You have to stay away from me! It's not safe. Please just let me go!"  
"Go from what Daniel!? From the house, from the SGC, from our friendship, what?! What is going on?!"

The two men stood facing each other, yelling in their frustration. The few inhabitants in the park had casually left so Jack and Daniel were now alone.

"Jack, I want you to be safe, your career is too important to let me ruin it. I don't know why it means so much to me but it does okay! Your reputation is everything and I cannot stand by and watch while I run it into the ground. I'm going to ask General Hammond for a transfer, It's better for…everyone if I'm gone."  
"You can't leave Daniel, what will you do? The Stargate is everything to you and you know it. Daniel, you discovered how to make it work, you are everything to that place. General Hammond won't let you leave; I don't want you to leave. You are part of SG1. Everything will not be better if you leave. Do you honestly think I care what people think…although I'm not quite sure what it is you think people are thinking…I'm getting confused."

Jack ran his hands through his hair and tried to align his thoughts into some semblance of order.

"Okay Daniel, You're a grown man. If you want to leave the house then fine, we can start looking for an apartment. I don't want you to leave but if you feel like you have to then we will work on that. If you want to leave the SGC then fine, but I might as well tell you I will make that as difficult as I can because I know you want to stay and I will not accept that you want to change that. Plus again, I don't want you to leave."

Daniel continued to stare at him with a blank expression; Jack was at a loss as to what else he could say. If the younger man didn't want to talk he couldn't force him but Jack did not want to lose the man and he had a feeling the next few minutes would make or break their new friendship.

Eventually Jack shook his head in defeat and turned to walk back to his truck.

"I'm sorry Jack."

Daniel's voice was so soft Jack wasn't sure he heard. He stopped and waited without turning around to see what would happen,

"Jack I…it's just…Oh Jack I don't know what to do. I want to keep you safe but…I've never had this decision be this hard before."

Jack continued to stand facing away from the Archeologist, his shoulders tense.

"Jack I can't tell you everything…If I did there is a very good chance you would never speak to me again. I don't know when I started to think of you as a friend but I do and for me that's not a small matter. I can't let anyone close to me Jack, if I do they usually end up hating me or worse.

"Jack people are…talking. Okay, they keep suggesting things that I know aren't true but that doesn't matter. What they imply however could seriously damage your career. If by associating myself with you these…rumors keep coming up then I have to leave Jack. I have to keep you safe."

Jack turned around to find Daniel in a self-hug staring at the ground. He was kicking at a tuft of grass as he spoke.

"Danny, what makes you happy?"  
"What?"  
"What makes you happy? If you could name five things on this earth that make you happy, what would they be?"

Daniel scrunched his nose up as he considered Jack's question. He had never been asked anything like that before and he honestly wasn't sure of the answer.

"I don't know Jack. I've never thought about it."  
"That's what I thought. It's okay, we have all day."

Jack walked over to a nearby tree and sat down. He was quite happy to wait as long as it took for Daniel's answer. Daniel couldn't understand where Jack was going with his question but seeing as it didn't look like he had a hope of leaving without answering Daniel sat down next to Jack and started to think.

"I like Coffee?"  
"Okay…maybe something a little less superficial?"  
"Coffee is not superficial Jack…it's heaven!"  
"Alrighty then, coffee, what else?"  
"I don't know Jack. Really what does this have to do with anything?"

Jack didn't say anything he just leant back and waited. Daniel sat in silence for a while before coming up with another answer,

"I like being on a dig. Discovering things no one has seen for hundreds or even thousands of years. It's fascinating to be able to understand where we come from and what we did to get here."  
"Nice."  
"I like to cook. I like being able to take different things and make them into other different things, great linguist I am!  
"No that's great!" Daniel looked at Jack curiously, "My diet's going to get a whole lot better!"

Daniel smiled a little which in itself was progress in Jack's opinion.

"Okay so that's two down, three to go."  
"Uh I think that's three down and two to go."  
"Nope, Coffee is a beverage which falls under cooking so that leaves three."  
"I don't think so Jack. Two."  
"Three."  
"Two!"  
"Tres!"  
"Dos! I like this."  
"Thr...What?"  
"I like this, whatever it is we're doing, I like it."  
"Ahh yes, the banter, good for ones soul or something like that anyway. Ok so that's three." Jack smirked and Daniel rolled his eyes. "What next?"

Daniel sighed and shook his head

"I don't know Jack. I've never thought about it before? No one has ever asked what makes me happy."

Jack looked at his friend and after a few minutes he smiled,

"It's okay Danny, we have time. I do want an answer before we go back to the SGC though okay?"  
"I'll try."

Jack got up and dusted off his jeans before holding out a hand to help Daniel to his feet. Daniel hesitated again but not as long as last time and together they walked towards the car.

"That coffee was really good." Daniel mumbled as they walked. Jack looked over at him and then back at the cafe. Without breaking stride he turned and headed back to the shop. "Wait!, what are you doing Jack?"  
"Getting coffee." It was a simple statement that had Daniel floored

Daniel ran to catch up with the Colonel and followed him into the cafe.

"Back again?" the waitress asked  
"Yeah, my friend likes the coffee so we were wondering if the beans were available for purchase?"  
"They sure are!"

The girl pulled two different sized bags from the shelf behind her and held them up for inspection

"Jack this is ridiculous. You bought some coffee the other day. We don't need anymore."  
"Daniel did you enjoy your coffee?"  
"Yes but that's not the point."  
"Sure it is, firstly this is something that makes you happy so therefore you need more of it. Secondly I liked my coffee, I'm not an expert but even I can tell the difference. The one at home is good, this is better - why is it better?"

Jack turned to the girl behind the counter whose name tag read 'Clohey'. Clohey stopped staring at Daniel long enough to focus on Jack's question,

"Oh I'm sorry. Um the brand is called 'Allpress', Arabica Beans roasted in Australia."  
"Australia!" both men said in unison  
"Yeah, we import it. My boss went there on holiday last year and came back with a bag, we've been importing it since. Nice isn't it."  
"Australia, who knew?" Jack blinked in surprise, "Anyway my point is Daniel that if I want to buy more coffee I will buy more coffee." Jack turned back to Clohey and put on his most charming smile, "I'll take the big one."  
"Jack I...we will never go through a bag that big before they go stale! We aren't home much."

Jack had to concede that Daniel was right so instead he made a purchase of the smaller bag. Jack handed the bag to Daniel who smiled politely at Clohey and walked out shaking his head. Jack grinned and paid the amount owed. Clohey told him to wait a moment and she quickly made up a small Latte for Jack to take.

"Tell Daniel to enjoy that sir."  
"I will, thank you."  
"He's cute sir. Wish my boyfriend took care of me like you take care of him."  
"What!"

Jack was stunned at the implication the young girl had made,

"Oh, sorry sir I didn't mean to offend you. I'm just jealous, really."

Jack nodded and left with Daniel's coffee in hand,

_*Is that what you're worrying about Daniel? What people think of me, of us?*_

Jack groaned as he realised the truth

_*That's what you think you need to protect me from? That's nuts. Okay that's a strange thought that I don't care if people think we're a couple. It's not the truth, we're only friends and if people want to say stuff about me then so be it. I don't let that kind of stuff bother me so neither should you.*_

As the pair drove back to Colorado Springs, both men were lost in their own private thoughts

Daniel:  
_*Damn it Jackson you're pathetic. You've become some coffee charity case for Jack. You need to leave now before you embarrass yourself further. You can look after yourself, you've done it before.*_

Jack:  
_*Okay O'Neill how do we work around this one. You have Sam looking into the incident at the SGC, Ellie is doing a background check...sort of, good enough for now anyway...hopefully he will start talking on his own.*_

Daniel:  
_*Why does he want to know what makes me happy? I don't know what makes me happy. At least nothing that won't make me sound like a raving lunatic. Oh wait how would that be different to anyone else in my life.*_

Jack:  
_*Wonder what he is afraid of telling me. He seems to think I'm going to kick his butt if he talks. I very much doubt there is anything he can tell me that will make me do that. It's not my place to judge, besides I bet there have been enough people in his life doing that before now. I'm going to kill Jacobsen...okay maybe not that far. What's the most remote post I can find...?*_

Daniel:  
_*I don't want to leave, but it's the only thing I can do. I have to do what's best for Jack*_

_Jack:  
*I'm not letting him run. It's a defense thing. He's not leaving, but how do I make him see that it's the best thing for him...for me.*  
_

For he keeps the beat of marching feet_  
_He keeps the beat so true  
He wants to sing and hopes to bring  
Happy Christmas day to you

* * *

Over the next two days Daniel kept pretty much to himself. He helped with a few of the house chores, (the ones his arm would allow) and he came out for meals but otherwise he would sit either in his room or out on the deck. With his right arm out of action he wasn't able to write in his journal but it didn't stop him reading or working on some translations SG4 had brought back the week before.

Jack used the time to do a few odd jobs around the house and catch up on a few games he had taped over the past month.

On the last day of their down time Jack was still trying to get Daniel to open up about what had happened in the locker room but considering his lack of progress he was running out of options. He was beginning to wonder just how much vodka it would take to get the man drunk when his phone began to ring,

"O'Neill."  
"Sir, its Carter. I have what you need, and General Hammond wants to see you."  
"We still have a day off Carter." *I think I'll be telling her to get a life before too long* "Please tell me you had at least one of these precious days to yourself."  
"You told me to get this done Sir."  
"I did, didn't I? When does he want me in there?"  
"Now would be good Jack."  
"General? What's the rush?"  
"Jack I would like to get this sorted ASAP. I need SG1 to be at 100% and right now that is not the case. Understood?"  
"Yes General. I will see you in an hour."

Jack hung up the phone and went to find Daniel. General Hammond hadn't specified for the Archeologist to be there so Jack intended to keep his promise that Daniel would not go anywhere near the Mountain for their four day break.

Jack found him sitting in the middle of the yard staring at his laptop.

"Watcha doin?"

Daniel jumped slightly and Jack mentally kicked himself, the younger man had been on edge ever since his accident, jumping at the smallest things.

"Looking at apartment's."

Jack sighed but he had already told him that if he wanted to move out he wouldn't stop him.

"Found anything?"  
"Maybe. I want to have a look at one this afternoon."  
"Okay, sure. Listen I have to duck out for a few hours, u going to be okay?"  
"I'm 32 years old Jack, not 5."  
"And I'm 41, _*give or take a few years*_, who's counting. I'll be back later okay, keep the cast on."

Daniel rolled his eyes but kept looking at the screen as he nodded slightly. Jack wanted to be back before Daniel left but he had no idea how long the General would keep him for so the sooner he left the sooner he would return.

Upon entering the Mountain Jack headed straight to Hammond's office where he found his 2IC waiting outside.

"Sorry Sir." Carter looked a little anxious as General Hammond called out to him. Jack entered the office,  
"Close the door!"

Jack shut the door and stood to attention, something he rarely did but somehow he knew the situation called for it. The blinds were drawn which meant whatever the General wanted to say was during a private conversation

"General."  
"Jack, where's Dr Jackson?"  
"He's at home Sir. I didn't feel the need for him to be here if he didn't have to be."  
"Okay Jack, we'll keep doing this your way for now but I have some questions that need answering."

Jack glanced in the direction Sam would be standing and looked levelly at his commander

"Okay, fire away."  
"Jack can you please explain to me what caused you to interrupt a briefing three days ago and demand leave for who I can only assume was yourself and Dr Jackson."  
"I told you Sir, I...saw something that I needed to try and fix and I couldn't do that in the twenty-four hours the SG1 had before our next mission."  
"I understood that Jack which is why I gave you an extra few days but then I went to find Captain Carter for her help on something only to find she had been given a directive by you. What was that command Colonel?"

Jack grimaced a little as he saw where the General's questions were now coming from.

"I asked Captain Carter undertake a small research assignment Sir."  
"A research assignment."  
"Yes Sir."  
"And would this research assignment have anything to do with Captain Carter's recent foray into the security video logs?"  
"It may have done Sir."  
"Well Jack, you had better have a valid reason to be going over my head and taking matters into your own hands."  
"I didn't feel the need to concern you yet General."  
"Well Jack, consider myself concerned. Now what is going on? What does any of this have to do with Dr Jackson?"

Jack kept quiet weighing his options before deciding to tell the truth,

"Sir, three days ago I headed to the locker room to change and I found Daniel lying on the floor. He isn't saying what happened but he has a broken wrist as well as bruising that is not from our most recent trip."

General Hammond's eyes narrowed and Jack's admission

"Are you sure Jack?"  
"I had my own doctor check him out. He didn't want anyone here on base finding out, he hasn't even told me what happened."  
"Then how do you know he didn't just slip or something."  
"Because he didn't deny it either when I confronted him. Look Sir, this is not the first incident concerning Daniel and I wanted to get to the bottom of it before it escalated further. He is the victim here and I can pretty much guarantee who it is that's behind it but as you said we can't do anything without evidence so I had Carter look back over the video logs and try to find who had been in the locker room before me."  
"You should have come to me with this before Jack."

Jack chose to remain silent as his commanding officer weighed the information in his mind.

"Captain, come in please."

Carter opened the door and walked inside, she still wasn't a hundred percent sure as to what was going on but she was still of the opinion that if it had anything to do with her team, especially a certain Archeologist, then she was in the right.

"Captain, what did you come up with?"

Sam sighed in relief at the Generals mild tone and placed some paperwork on his desk.

"General, two Marines went into the locker room nine minutes after Daniel. Six minutes later they left and only a minute after that Colonel O'Neill entered."  
"Can we identify them?"  
"Not by these images Sir, but we can by the images from the next corridor. The two Marines made sure their faces were turned away from the camera's at all times Sir but we had a second camera installed last week that most personnel would still be unaware of due to our high scheduling of missions Sir."  
"I wasn't aware that camera had been turned on Captain."  
"We had it going on a twelve hour trial sir."  
"So who are they?"  
"No wait, let me guess." Jack pretended to think for a moment, "Lieutenant Jacobsen and Lieutenant Barret"  
"Yes Sir."  
"Jack?"  
"General, Jacobsen and Barret were two of the Marines I spoke to in the Cafeteria. Jacobsen was the one making remarks about Daniel."  
"Captain Carter are you 100% sure about the identity of the two Marines?"  
"110% Sir."  
"Colonel is there any way of getting a written statement from Dr Jackson?"  
"I doubt it Sir. He even has this stupid idea that he can take his cast off here on base so no one knows he is injured."  
"Is that even doable?"  
"Apparently it is Sir, don't get me started!"

General Hammond looked between Jack and Sam. Their mutual concern for their team mate was admirable, especially given his civilian status. When he thought about it, there was something about Daniel Jackson that even he felt drawn to. He had a strange urge to make sure he was looked after and he knew the two people in front of him felt the same. Even Teal'c had been to see him privately earlier in the day. He didn't know what it was but Dr Jackson had a way with people, a kind nature and he knew he had to do what he could to protect that innocence.

"Without Daniel coming forward there is still not much I can do..."  
"But General!"  
"Let me finish, please. But that doesn't mean they have to know that Daniel hasn't said anything."  
"Bluffing Sir?"  
"I have a pretty good poker face Colonel, how is yours?"

Jack smiled and saluted the General

"Yes Sir, Good Sir. By the way, I hear Siberia is nice this time of year."

General Hammond nodded and called for Teal'c to bring the two Lieutenants on question to his office.

As Hammond was finishing laying out his plan he heard a knock at the door, Teal'c led in the two Lieutenants who saluted the General immediately upon entering. Jack noticed their eyes settled briefly on him before turning back to their commanding officer,

"Gentlemen there has been an incident here on base and your names have been brought up more than once in conjunction with it."  
"I'm unsure what you would be referring to Sir." Liam Jacobsen responded.

Jack watched the two men intently and was pleased to see Lieutenant Barret looked slightly agitated.

"Oh don't give me that, we have all the information. Don't think we don't know. Why'd you do it anyhow?"

General Hammond was getting frustrated at Jack's obvious refusal to 'Follow the script' so-to-speak but he couldn't pull him up anymore. It had only been a month since their first mission but he was coming to realise that he had to deal a little differently with the volatile Colonel O'Neill. He stared at the two men in front of him without blinking. He hadn't got his job by being intimidated.

Jacobsen was looking at a point just to the side of Hammond so he didn't have to look directly at him but Barret seemed unsure of where to look. His eyes danced all over the room and the continued silence only agitated him further. Eventually his line of sight passed over the Jaffa who was standing by the door. Teal'c raised an eyebrow and glared back. Barret crumbled,

"We didn't mean anything by it. He just needed to be taught a lesson…Sir."

Jacobsen let out a sigh and glanced angrily at his friend  
_*Hello Russia!*_

Jack's eyes blazed, as far as he was concerned getting the men to confess was the easy part, keeping his temper was a different matter entirely,  
_*They hurt him, they freaking admitted it. Who on earth would want to hurt Danny!*_

Sam wasn't quite sure she was hearing things properly,  
_*what lesson did they have to teach him? What did they do? I don't like this, poor Daniel.*_

Teal continued the blank look he was beginning to be known for,  
_*DanielJackson has been hurt by these men, I must gain revenge on his behalf*_

Hammond looked at his flagship team, they all had stoic expressions but he could tell each of them were barely holding it together. Jack was the biggest surprise, he knew he cared about his team, probably more than he should but his concern for the fourth member was different. It went beyond team mate.  
_*Daniel is his friend, not just his team mate. Maybe I should split this team, they are already very close…Good luck with that George.*_

"Lieutenants, this is a very serious charge. Not only have you seriously injured a member of this facility but he is a Civilian! Not even military! How am I supposed to respond to this? You are both looking at serious punishment unless you can provide me with an explanation. Now what in God's name did you think you were doing?"  
"Sir it is my belief that this facility is being over-run with Civilians. I don't mind them Sir as long as they know their place but the Military is not the place for a man like Dr. Jackson." Barret argued.  
"And what kind of man is that Lieutenant?"

Hammond worried that Lieutenant Jacobsen had yet to speak. Barret was gone but if Jacobsen said nothing they wouldn't be able to do a thing.

"Well Sir, he is…I mean we suspect that he's…well I mean I know he was married but…"  
"Spit it out Lieutenant!" Hammond Commanded  
"He's gay sir."  
"Oh for Crying out loud." Jack exclaimed. He suspected that was a reason but he didn't know for sure till now. "The man *IS* married Lieutenant, and even if he wasn't, what do you care? How does it affect you?"  
"It's not catching you know." Sam put out before realising she had spoken and smiled apologetically at the General  
"Seriously, that's the reason you attacked him! What gives you the right!"  
"Getting a little protective aren't you Sir." Jacobsen smirked.

General Hammond baulked at the implication but inside he smiled in relief,  
*Got you.*  
Hammond was about to say something but Jack kept going

"Yes I am getting protective Lieutenant, you purposely hurt a member of my team because you're what, afraid of him? You're a Marine!"  
"Yes I am Sir. And as a Marine I feel it's my duty to protect my fellow man. The Doctor needed to learn that his place is not here. This Facility houses the most important discovery the modern world has ever seen and we can't have the likes of him mucking it up. The men don't feel safe with him around, never knowing what he might do. It's unreasonable to think we should have to work alongside him."

Jacobsen finished his rant and took a deep breath. The Colonel may have a thing for Dr Jackson but the man in front of him was a General, he would understand.

General Hammond sat back in his chair and viewed the situation. Obviously the two men in front of him could no longer be a part of his command if they weren't willing to work with Dr Jackson and whilst he didn't necessarily believe what they implied about the young man It didn't bode well for any other civilians who were on base.

Jackson's issues aside Jacobsen had implied things about Jack which also could not be ignored. Jack was a Senior officer of Stargate Command, his own 2IC and that kind of insubordination would not be tolerated.

Hammond made his decision and nodded his head,

"You're absolutely right Lieutenant. It is completely unreasonable for you to be expected to work with Dr Jackson."  
"Thank you Sir." Jacobsen turned to Barret and grinned, Lieutenant Barret however wasn't so convinced it had gone their way.  
"In fact it is completely unreasonable for us to expect you to be able to work with anyone in this mountain."  
"Yes Sir…what? I'm not sure I understand Sir."  
"Lieutenants Jacobsen and Barret you are hereby suspended from active duty pending a transfer from this facility. You will leave this base within the hour and await further orders. Dismissed!"

Jacobsen and Barret Saluted and turned to leave. Teal'c helpfully opened the door and stood aside for the men to depart.

"One more thing Gentlemen." They turned and looked toward their former commanding officer, "You may think that the Colonel here is the only one who cares about Dr Jackson, you would be wrong. I will do anything to 'Protect my fellow man' as you so helpfully stated and unlike yourselves I believe Dr Jackson falls into that category. He will be the last person asked to leave this facility so you can tell your comrades that they had better fall in line because I will have no hesitation in replacing each and every person who disrupts my command. Is that clear!"  
"Yes Sir."

The two lieutenants left the room, stopping suddenly for a moment and continued on. Jack put his head in his hands and let out a loud breath of air,

"Are you unwell O'Neill?"  
"No Teal'c, it's just been a long two weeks. I'm glad we got to the bottom of it."  
"Did they really hurt Daniel Sir?"  
"Yeah, I can't believe the reason why though. No wonder he wouldn't talk to me."  
"Jack there is a chance this won't be the last of it. We got rid of two personnel but we can't screen every single person who walks through the gate for Homophobic tendencies."  
"I know that General, but hopefully the message will get through. I need to go Sir."  
"I need you both back here at 0800 ready to go Jack, is that going to be a problem?"  
"No we'll both be here."

Everyone looked up to see Daniel standing in the doorway,

"Daniel, what are you doing here?" Jack looked down at Daniel's hand and noticed the cast was missing,  
"I uh, came to see the General."  
"Is everything okay son?"  
"Well um actually, I'm not sure."

Daniel walked in and stood before the General in his usual self-hug position. He looked briefly at his team mates but didn't say anything. Sam got the hint and got up to leave as did Teal'c,

"It's good to see you Daniel." Sam rested her hand briefly on his arm continued out  
"I am glad you are well DanielJackson. I am happy to take care of things for you if you choose."  
"Uh thanks, I think."

Jack kept himself firmly in place but at a look from Hammond he got up to leave as well,

"Okay I'm gone."

Once Jack had left Daniel closed the door and went to sit before the General,

"General I came to resign."  
"May I ask why?"  
"There are many reasons, this has been a hard decision General because Sha'ra is still out there somewhere but I was hoping maybe I could just transfer to area 51 or something. That way I will still be around if she…returns."  
"I'm afraid I can't accept your resignation at this time."  
"Sir I'm not a part of any military organisation and I'm not very valuable to you anyway so you can't really deny my request.  
"Actually Doctor I can. See If I did accept your resignation then I would have transferred two personnel for no reason, I would have ignored almost insubordination from the leader of SG1, I would be ignoring the concerns of a very worried Captain and I would be ignoring the raised eyebrow of a Jaffa, now I'm very sorry but I just can't do those things.  
"I understand General but…what did you say?"

General Hammond smiled at the man in front of him and leaned forward on his desk,

"Son in the past few days I have had every member of SG1 in this office expressing concern for your welfare. I know what happened and I have dealt with the immediate problem. It's my fault that this was not dealt with sooner, I wasn't convinced there was as much of a problem as Jack was saying but I am now and I have done what I can. Don't let me have done it for nothing."

Daniel sat back in surprise, he wasn't sure what to make of Hammonds statement but the looks Liam and Mark had given him now made sense.

"Sir, I don't know what happened though I'm sure it has something to do with Jack's big mouth."  
"He does like to make his opinions heard."  
"I'm just unsure if SG1 is the right place for me."  
"Doctor, we are embarking on an adventure. One an I'm sure Archeologist like yourself dreams of, the chance to meet new people from cultures we haven't seen in hundreds of years, what part of that doesn't seem to be a good fit?"  
"Sir, we go into these situations and what is always required is military, I'm not military. I'm me. Long hair, glasses, sneezing me. I'm not worth anything to the team."

General Hammond observed Daniel's behavior and got up from his chair, he came around the front of his desk and stood in front of the younger man,

"Daniel, I want you to listen and listen well. You are an essential member not only of SG1 but of this whole facility. There is no one else in this mountain who can understand what it is we are finding every time that ring turns. We need to have you and others like you to make sense of all this. I truly cannot comprehend why you need reassurance of your position here but let me assure you, you're worth more to this command than you can imagine. So no, I will not accept your resignation."

Daniel sat still for a moment before looking up at his boss,

"Sir, I don't want to put anyone in danger. Look what happened on that last planet! I got taken and turned into a caveman and had to be rescued. It's not a habit I want to continue, plus the...fall…It wasn't just me that could have been hurt, they mentioned…other people."  
"Son, the two Lieutenants who just vacated my office are no longer members of this facility and I plan to make damn sure that you are given the respect you deserve by the rest. This is the United States Air Force, rumors abound. I understand your concerns but they were two opinions that no longer count and quite frankly never should have. There are four people whose opinions do count and three of those people just left. Like it or not Dr. Jackson they care about you and your well-being as do I. You are a lot more capable than what you think. Yes the last mission was an interesting one but you survived and that Dr Jackson is what I call successful."

Daniel gave a small laugh and nodded. He had never had anyone speak to like the General had, like they cared. For the first time in years he felt he should believe it.

"I have a hard time trusting people General."  
"I got that. I don't know what the world has done to you to make that happen but if nothing else try to trust what I've said is true okay."  
"Yes Sir."

Daniel got up and opened the door to leave.

"Tomorrow morning at 0800 Doctor. And please put that cast back on."

Daniel nodded and left the office only to find Jack sitting at the table in the briefing room,

"Everything okay?"

Daniel looked back towards the Generals office and then back to his friend,

"Actually yeah it is."  
"You leaving?"  
"No, I don't think I am."

Jack let out a small sigh

"Good, let's go or else we'll never leave. Still want to check out that apartment?"

The two men made their way down to the elevator

"Yeah, I think it would be a good idea."  
"Okay, but If you don't like it don't feel pressured to buy it because you feel bad"  
"I would never do that!"  
"Oh but I think you would."  
"Would not!"  
"Would so!"  
"Two more."  
"One more"  
"Two."

The pair continued their debate all the way to the top of the mountain, neither noticing any other personnel on their way past. As they got into their cars Jack took note that Daniel seemed a little happier. He wasn't sure what Hammond had said but whatever it was seemed to have cracked the shell.

_He keeps the beat of marching feet  
He keeps the beat inside  
Someone has come to mend his drum  
Now his heart lights up with pride_

* * *

The next morning Jack and Daniel shared a ride to the SGC. Daniel was wearing the cast on his wrist but was quite anxious about it. When they reached the mountain Daniel seemed to hesitate before following Jack inside.

"I'm glad you're wearing it, it will get better faster."  
"I don't need it Jack."  
"Ellie says you do and that's all there is too it. I don't care what you've done in the past."  
"Yes you would."

Jack spun around to face Daniel

"Danny listen, I don't care. Have you killed anyone?"  
"Ra…"  
"Non-Alien."  
"Not that I can recall."  
"Have you seriously broken the law?"  
"Never."  
"Then I don't care, it's that simple. Daniel I know you had a difficult child hood and that has led to a difficult adulthood and I have a feeling that no one has ever really taken care of you since you're parents died, well I'm doing my best here. Now whatever was in your past we can deal with it, no matter how long it takes, but right here, right now I'm standing here as your friend, a friend who doesn't care about the person you were except to say that who you have been has turned you into an amazing person."  
"That's a little mushy Jack."  
"Good point, and I'm not exactly sure what I mean by it, still I think I'm right."  
"You always do, rarely are but…"  
"Hey I think I'm insulted by that."  
"That's your prerogative."  
"Daniel it's 0733, let's not be using the big words yet."  
"Oh is the big bad Colonel scared of a little linguistics?"  
"No but the big dumb Colonel may be."

Daniel laughed and together the pair exited the elevator and went to the locker room to change. On the way to the briefing a Marine and an Airman walked past them, they stopped and saluted

"Sir these are the notes you requested from our last mission. I was headed to your office but you can have them now if you like"

Jack looked at Daniel confused,

"I didn't order any notes lieutenant…"  
"Grey Sir. And excuse me Sir but I wasn't speaking to you."

Both men were looking at Daniel, both still standing to attention.

"What? I mean I'll take them now. Thank you."

The men saluted again and continued on their way. Daniel looked at the notes in his hand and frowned at Jack,

"SG4 met who I think might have been a Mayan culture. I asked for any notes about the architecture they could remember. I didn't think I would actually get any."  
"Go with it!" Jack smiled and kept walking

Before they reached the briefing room Daniel had been stopped by another two people wanting to give him things he had previously asked for. Daniel was unsure about what was happening and even Jack suspected something wasn't quite right.

"Maybe they heard what happens when you mess with my friends." Jack shrugged as he sat down,  
"I don't think you can take credit for this one Jack. You don't think the General said something do you?"  
"I don't know, maybe. So what if he did? It's about time you got some respect around here."

Daniel seemed confused by the idea but went to make a cup of coffee. As he did the klaxons blared.

"That's SG2 returning." General Hammond stated coming out of his office.

Daniel turned towards the window that looked out over the Stargate. He watched as the last three chevrons lit up and the wormhole pulsed to life. He drew in a breath of wonder as he stared at the shimmering pool.

"That's four."

Daniel jumped a little as he heard Jack's voice behind him. He focused on the glass enough to see Jack's reflection close to his own

"Four?"  
"Things that make you happy. I don't know what Hammond said to convince you to stay but deep down I knew that this would keep you here."  
"What, I don't understand."  
"The Stargate, the look you have on your face. It's happiness, wonder, amazement. You couldn't leave this."

Jack went back to his seat as Sam and Teal'c arrived and the briefing began.

Forty minutes later Jack was searching his office for his mini basketball, he knew he had put it in his drawer but it was no longer there. He had been searching for nearly ten minutes and he only had another ten before he had to be ready to leave. Giving up he went to get his things together.

Jack walked into the dialing room to find the other three members of his team ready to go. Sam and Teal'c were already in the gate room and Daniel was talking with Siler. He went to move past Daniel as a small orange object caught his eye

"Daniel, why is my basketball on your pack?"  
"I have no idea Jack. You must have left it there."  
"How did I leave it there Daniel, I haven't been here with it?"  
"I don't know Jack. It's not mine."

Daniel glanced up and smirked as Jack picked up the miniature ball. He shook his head as he threw it around a bit. Daniel got up and shouldered his pack.

"Maybe you need to remember where you put your things Jack."

Daniel smiled as he walked past. Jack stared after him and gave a matching grin.

"Well played Danny! That's number Five."

Jack put the object in his pocket and joined the rest of his team. There was still a lot to work through but Jack was sure his friend would be okay and that was all that mattered.

_So he keeps the beat of marching feet  
He keeps the beat so true  
When morning comes, he plays his drum  
Happy Christmas Day to you!_

**The End**


	4. Good In Goodbye An Interlude

**Good in Goodbye**

******Author:** Midnyteblue (AKA: angels_slayer_lol)**  
****Pairing:** Jack/Daniel friendship (Eventual Slash)  
******Rating:** PG13  
******Spoilers:** Stargate - First Commandment and Cold Lazarus (Both Minor)  
**Summery: **Two events cause three members of SG1 to consider their past  
**Disclaimer: **Not mine, never have been or will be. Thankyou also to the beautiful Carrie Underwood for your inspiring Lyrics.  
**Notes: **I realised quite quickly that I would not be able to tell Jack and Daniels story via Enya alone, hense the first of (probably) many 'Interludes'  
**Notes 2: **Thoughts are in *-*, Lyrics in Italics.

* * *

The klaxons were blaring as General Hammond walked toward the dialing computer from his office. Sam was already at the controls.

"What's going on Captain?"

Sam looked up as she saw her Commanding officer,

"Good Morning Sir, General. We're receiving SG9's IDC Sir."  
"Open the Iris! SG9 shouldn't be reporting in for another few days Captain." General Hammond remarked as he came up behind her.  
"Something must have occurred on the planet." Sam remarked

They both watched and waited but no one came through. A few minutes later the gate shut down.

"Wonder what that was about." Sam exclaimed.  
"I'm not sure, but I want SG1 to go through the gate and find out what is going on. You will need to be de-briefed before heading through. We will meet in two hours, Walter can you please contact Colonel O'Neill and Dr. Jackson. Captain Carter, may I speak with you?"

Sam followed the General to his office as Sergeant Harriman picked up the phone.

On the other side of Colorado Springs Jack O'Neill hung up and went to the study where he knew his friend and team mate was working.

"Daniel? We've been called in. General Hammond wants SG1 on duty."

Daniel Jackson looked up from his laptop. The team was on a precious day off but Daniel had known it probably wouldn't last. SG1 were one of only three teams not currently off world although they were due to go on a mission the next day.

"What's up?"  
"No idea, Walter didn't say. But we have a briefing in two hours."  
"Okay well that still gives me enough time to wake up I guess."

Jack laughed and sat down in front of the desk,

"I still can't believe how long it takes you to get up. I'm up at 0530 whether I want to be or not, can't waste a day Danny. You never know what it might bring."  
"I don't waste it, sleep is crucial for the body to function, the brain needs sleep to work properly."  
"So that's why you're a genius and I'm just a dumb Colonel."  
"Well I don't believe 5am even exists, it's a myth mothers tell their children to scare them."  
"Well you should know Doctor. Come on I'll make you coffee."  
"I need to finish this Jack. The phone bill isn't adding up."  
"Don't worry about it."  
"Jack I have to, it's not fair if I don't"  
"Do it later, get moving we don't want to be late."  
"Yes Sir!" Daniel saluted

Jack rolled his eyes and went to make a pot of coffee leaving Daniel to get ready. Forty minutes later they were on their way.

Once they reached Stargate command Jack went to find General Hammond to get a quick heads up whilst Daniel went to his office.

It wasn't long before Jack was headed towards Daniel's office. Being an official day off didn't matter; he knew Daniel would already be stuck into his work.

Jack had no problem going after SG9. It was what they did, however he had a few concerns about Sam on this one.

He walked the corridors of the SGC towards Dr. Jackson's office without any delays and as he approached the open door he grinned. He didn't want to frighten the young man but a sense of mischief always followed Jack and he wasn't one to ignore the feeling. He stepped quietly into his friends' office

Daniel had his back turned to the door facing his computer, he was deciphering what looked to be a complex document but Jack had a feeling it was just the phone bill. It had been a slow week and Daniel's arm was still in a cast after an incident two weeks before. He was on light duties but Jack wanted him to head out with the rest of SG1 on this mission.

Jack silently picked an object up from Daniel's desk; it was a quartz sphere that glowed a little brighter when he touched it. It was an object SG5 had brought back two weeks before, a few days after Daniel's injury. A member of his department had given it to the archeologist as a present. Jack smiled as he remembered the conversation and the subsequent bottles of alcohol consumed after

_##### Flash-Back #####_

_Daniel was sitting in his office, General Hammond had told him to spend the week properly setting up the Archeological and Cultural Department of the SGC. Daniel had his wrist in a cast and whilst he still felt he was okay General Hammond wasn't having a bar of it._

_"Dr. Jackson Sir?"_

_Daniel looked up from his paper work to find a member of his department standing in his doorway,_

_"Hey Anna, how was the mission with SG5?"_  
_"It was good Sir; we've finished cataloguing the artifacts we brought back. Nothing really to note."_  
_"Okay, thanks Anna. We can talk about them at tomorrow's meeting."_

_Daniel smiled at the girl and went to go back to his coffee but Anna didn't leave._

_"I'm sorry Anna, was there something else?"_  
_"Um, well I wanted to give you this."_

_She placed a bag on his desk and Daniel pulled out a quartz sphere. When he touched it, it started to glow faintly with a blue hue._

_"This is fascinating, did you need help translating it or figuring out its origin?"_  
_"Oh no Sir, there are no markings and all they seem to do is glow, brighter in the dark of course, see?"_

_Anna stepped back and switched off the light, the globe was indeed brighter without the un-natural light source but nowhere near bright enough to do the job on its own._

_"Is it safe?"_  
_"Yes Sir. The people on P8K-491 all have one."_  
_"It's not very bright, how does it work?" Daniel had a feeling Sam would like to get her hands on the orb but for some reason he didn't really want her taking it away._  
_"The people were quite vague really, they are special to each of them, but we gather that they work based on a person's proximity to it, more specifically the relationship of the people. The stronger the bond the brighter it glows, for some they even change color over time. It's rare but a globe has been known to change colour the day a person is married for example."_  
_"Like a mood ring."_  
_"Kind of, but it doesn't sense emotion like anger and it apparently only changes if the other person feels the same on the same level."_  
_"That could get awkward. So how does it know who is around?"_  
_"The inhabitants couldn't say but each person is given one at birth and that orb is theirs for life. They are even buried with them. Each has a unique signature that makes it work best for only 1 person."_  
_"Like a finger print."_  
_"Exactly. This is a new orb, no one has touched it. I wanted to make sure it was yours Daniel."_

_Daniel blinked in surprise and for a moment the orb pulsed brighter but soon settled back into its faint glow._

_"It's beautiful Anna, and I am truly thankful."_

_Daniel placed the orb on his desk next to the picture of Sha'ra in a gesture he hoped his co-worker would understand. Anna smiled happily but nodded her understanding at Daniel's subtle communication._

_"Well I'll see you tomorrow Dr. Jackson. Feel better soon." She reached down and gently touched his broken hand before leaving, turning the light back on as she left. Her spot was immediately filled by someone else._

_"Sorry I don't come baring gifts." Jack smirked at his friend._  
_"She was just being friendly Jack."_  
_"Oh yeah, real friendly. I can see this being a pattern you know."_  
_"What do you mean?"_  
_"I bet you find a girl on every planet."_  
_"Uh, I don't think so…How much did you hear?"_  
_"Well that depends?"_  
_"On what?"_  
_"When did she start talking about the items she had cataloged?"_

_Daniel looked up sharply then groaned,_

_"You were listening?"_  
_"Hey, I didn't want to intrude. I did notice your ball get a bit brighter though."_  
_"I was surprised that's all."_  
_"At what? The girl has a thing for you, run with it, flirt a little, it's not going to kill you."_  
_"Jack…"_  
_"Seriously! I may just be a run-down old Colonel but I do remember some things."_  
_"Jack, I can't okay…not yet, and you aren't old."_

_Jack heard the final words that were barely whispered but chose to focus on the first part of his statement. He mentally kicked himself._

_"Daniel, I'm sorry. I should have known better, I was only messing around. I made you promises remember? I know you have a beautiful wife out there and I will do everything I can to bring her back to you. I shouldn't have been so insensitive."_

_Daniel hesitated but couldn't bring himself to say the words that were on his tongue. He looked at his friend and for a moment their eyes locked, eventually Daniel coughed slightly and looked back down at his paperwork._

_"I really need to finish this before I go."_  
_"It's 1645 Daniel, time to get out of here."_  
_"We don't finish till five Jack."_  
_"Who cares, I think we both need a drink. Let's go."_

_It didn't take much to get the younger man to follow. He turned off his computer and followed Jack out shutting the door behind him. Neither man noticed the powerful light shining from the Quartz sphere they had left behind._

_##### End Flashback #####_

Jack smiled at the memory; the next day had presented itself with a whole new set of problems that involved both men seeking out Dr. Frasier for a something a whole lot stronger than Tylenol. It had been a good night.

"Put it down Jack."

Daniel hadn't even looked up from what he was doing and Jack chuckled,

"Busted. What you doing?"  
"Trying to figure out this phone bill."  
"I told you not to worry about it."  
"Jack I may not use it often but I do want to pay my share. There are a few numbers I can't figure out though. Do we know anyone in Pennsylvania?"  
"Mum."

Daniel spun around,

"Your mum? I'm sorry I don't mean to sound surprised but I have never heard you speak about your parents. I assumed…"  
"No, no. Mum's still alive. I don't see her too often, being in another state and all. But I call once a week."  
"Oh, well then that's that mystery solved. I thought you lived in Minnesota."  
"Originally, and the cabin is still there but mum moved a few years back, after dad died. I still see her at Christmas."

Daniel nodded and looked back at the screen,

"And California?"  
"No one I know there, at least no one I know enough to call."  
"Okay I'll have to speak to the phone company."  
"Later, we have a mission."  
"I figured, what's going on?  
"Something's happened with SG9, we're going in to check out the situation. We have twenty minutes before Hammond wants to brief us."  
"Okay, just let me save this and I'll be right there."

Daniel finished up and grabbed his jacket, locking the door behind him.

"So do we think this will be a standard rescue then?"  
"When is anything standard for us? And I hope it's not a rescue but who knows. I guess as far as our missions are concerned a standard rescue would be nice."  
"It would be different."  
"Listen, Ellie will kill me but can you take the cast off, just for this one?"  
"I was planning on it Jack but I figured you would have something to say about it, what's going on?"  
"I'm not expecting Carter to be at her best on this one so I need you to stick by her."  
"I don't know her situation will improve by me being around." Daniel quipped. Jack frowned at his friend but let it pass, "Okay so why are you worried about Sam? Is she sick?"  
"No." Jack stopped and glanced up and down the corridor making sure it was clear before speaking again, "Carter was engaged to Captain Hanson."  
"Wow, I mean good on Sam but, Captain Hanson? When was this?"  
"She broke off the engagement about eighteen months ago. They were together for three years before that, engaged for five months."  
"I never knew. She doesn't speak about her personal life much, I mean, I guess none of us really do."  
"That's the military way; work and personal life are often kept separate. Carter was promoted to Captain a few weeks after she broke it off and as far as I know she hasn't looked back."  
"So you're worried she might let her emotions get the better of her."  
"I'm sure she will hold up fine but I am worried she might…hesitate."

Daniel nodded and the pair continued to the briefing room. During a run down on SG9's original mission Daniel kept an eye on Sam, He considered the young woman as a friend and he hoped she was doing okay. General Hammond gave the green light and SG1 went to get ready. Daniel touched Sam's arm briefly and indicated she walk with him. There was still two hours till they were due to depart so the pair walked toward the commissary to grab a bite to eat.

"I just want to see how you're doing." Daniel replied when Sam quizzed him as to the reason for their lunch date.  
"The Colonel told you didn't he?"  
"He may have mentioned you've had a past with Captain Hanson. I don't want to pry, I just want to make sure you're okay."  
"Of course I'm fine, why wouldn't I be?"

Sam sat up a little straighter and put on a blank expression. Daniel raised an eyebrow and continued to look at her, quietly sipping his coffee. Eventually Sam slumped forward a little and rested her chin on her hands.

"I keep forgetting you aren't military."  
"Thank goodness!" Daniel smiled.  
"How's your hand?" Sam changed the subject.  
"It's fine, Janet want's to x-ray it next week. I think it's fine but Jack won't let me take it off."  
"A break of any kind is serious Daniel, you don't want it to get worse.  
"That's what Jack says."  
"How is it going living with the Colonel?" Sam queried,  
"Curious Sam?"  
"Definitely not! Not in that way."

Daniel laughed and considered the question,

"I don't mind it but I am looking for an apartment, I keep feeling like I'm in the way. I mean he says I'm not but still, I think it's best I have my own space."  
"That's fair. I don't think you're in the way though, at least not the way the Colonel talks. I think he likes having a friend around."  
"And truthfully I like being around but I don't want to wear out my welcome. He's just so easy to be around. Fun you know."  
"I get that."  
"And he helped a few weeks back. I mean I've been through that stuff before...worse even and I've been okay but having someone around this time...helped. Actually he's helped from the first day I came back. It's…strange."

Sam looked at Daniel with concern in her eyes

_*You've been through worse! Oh Daniel, I wish I could fix your past. You of all people don't deserve it.*_

"I'm glad he was there Daniel. How are you coping without Sha'ra?"  
"Sam are you sure you're going to be okay on this one?" Daniel changed the subject. Sam's concern grew but she accepted the tangent.  
"It was a while ago Daniel and I was the one who broke it off remember. There may not even be anything wrong."  
"True."  
"We had dinner a few weeks back and he seemed to be doing well. It was good to have some closure you know. Got the shock of my life the first time I saw him here though."  
"I bet you did. Why did you end it?"

Sam looked down and Daniel reached for her hand,

"I'm sorry Sam. I said I didn't want to pry and here I am asking stupid questions. Forget I said anything, after all I'm not answering your questions."  
"No it's okay Daniel; funnily enough no one has really asked me that before."  
"Really?! No one? Isn't that the first thing someone usually asks in these situations?"  
"I guess I'm the exception to the rule. I think I liked the idea of him more than actually liking him. After a while I noticed I wasn't the same person when I was with him, I even lost a few friends over it. At the time we got engaged there were rumors that one of us was going to be promoted and he assumed it was him, I honestly didn't think it was going to be me but I knew he wasn't able to even consider the idea it might have been me either. Eventually I had enough and gave back the ring."  
"Was he angry?"  
"In his eyes I honestly don't know what was worse, the fact that I gave broke it off or that I was promoted not too long after."  
"But you're okay now?"  
"I think so. He seems to have done well since we split up. He looked well; I even hear he's dating someone new. Although he told me that so I'm not too sure."

Daniel laughed and finished his coffee. He was glad Sam had opened up, he really appreciated her ability to blend the scientist and the Air Force Captain and into one. It gave him a small hope as to his role in the team. Although he still wasn't able to admit any truths to her, he hoped one day he could trust her enough to.

_*It's not you Sam, I just don't know I can trust anyone again.*_ "Well for what it's worth I think you're better off without him."  
"Thanks Daniel! We'd better go, don't want to upset the Colonel."  
"Nope, wouldn't want that." Daniel replied a bit sarcastically  
_*The Colonel is definitely rubbing off on you!*_ Sam thought as they headed to the locker room to change. _*Still not sure if that's a good thing though...I hope the Colonel keeps looking out for him. It's sure on my list.*_  
_*Please let this go smoothly!*_ Daniel pleaded silently with anyone who would listen, _*For Sam's sake.*_

_I__ heard you laughing in a crowd outside a restaurant we used to go to  
I caught a glimpse that stopped me in my tracks  
It took me back  
You looked __happy with that little girl on your shoulders, happy  
I know where she got those crystal eyes of blue  
Time's been sweet to you_

* * *

Daniel took in the scene before him. Captain Hanson had gone nuts and from the look of things had no drama killing a superior officer.

_*No, you can't kill Jack. Please don't! Think Jackson think. Stall, all you have to do is stall them long enough for the Teal'c to get in position, only a few more minutes. What do I do? I'm a linguist not a strategist…linguist, talking. I can talk.*_

Daniel saw a rock and ran to leap up on it,

_*Please let this work! I can't let you die Jack.*_ "Wait! Stop!" _*Wow, that was profound*_

Everyone looked up towards the young man who had suddenly appeared. Jack's heart pounded as he realised he wasn't able to protect him being slightly incapacitated himself.

_*Danny what are you doing? Don't do this!*_

Hanson responded but all Jack could see and hear was Daniel, He was shocked Daniel would put himself in danger like that,

_*Love how people underestimate him. Now please don't get shot! Bad day! Hang on, Demons!? How did this guy make it into the Air Force? He's nuts! * _"We're not demons, for crying out loud!" _*As if anyone's listening at this point.*_

Jack watched as Daniel picked up a gun. His mind flew back to another time and place where he saw his son Charlie lying in a pool of blood, a gun by his side. The image shook him to his core, in his mind Charlie's image changed to that of Daniel laying the same way, his lifeless body held in Jack's arms. Jack managed to shake himself out of his revere long enough to focus on the still very alive Dr Jackson, but he knew the mental image would keep itself in the background for a long time to come; It scared him

The next few minutes were a blur as Jack managed to shift his attention from Daniel long enough to protect Sam from her nut-job ex and to 'Save the day…again,' as Daniel put it.

It wasn't long before everyone was packed and ready to go home, the surviving members of SG9 in tow. Jack found every excuse possible not to look at Daniel, every time he did the mental image of a bloodied body came to mind. He chatted briefly with Sam as the gate engaged and they walked through.

On the other side everyone was sent straight to the infirmary before SG1 met back with general Hammond for the briefing.

Daniel quickly noted that Jack was pretty much ignoring him, a fact that was confirmed when the Colonel pretty much bolted from the room following the briefing. The mission SG1 had been due to depart on had been re-scheduled for the next morning so the team had eleven hours before they had to be back on deck and the way things were going Daniel figured he might as well use the time to catch up on some work in his office.

The decision was made for him when after he changed he noticed Sam waiting for him,

"The Colonel had to go somewhere on his way home and asked if I could drop you off." Sam smiled.  
"Oh, that's okay Sam. I was going to stay here for a while and get some work done. I'll get someone else to drop me off."  
"You sure?"  
"Yeah. I think it's best."

Sam frowned at the wording; Jack had been acting a bit strange and now so was Daniel. She wasn't aware of any arguments between the two.

"Well okay, have fun then."

Sam watched as Daniel headed to his office, she turned and started to head to the elevator when her previous conversation with the younger man came to mind. With a sudden realisation Sam turned and ran back to catch up with her friend.

"Daniel wait!" Daniel turned and looked up in surprise at his team mate running towards him, "Listen could we grab some coffee? I think I need something and I kind of need to talk to someone, pick up where we left off so-to-speak. That okay?"  
"Sure Sam."  
"Good."

She linked her arm in Daniels and pair walked toward the commissary. As they walked Sam noticed a few glances their way,

_*Oh well, can't hurt a girls image! He is a cutie. Stop it Sam! He has a wife! Still, eye candy win!*_

The pair got some food and once again sat down at what was quickly becoming SG1's table. It wasn't that they claimed it, but simply that the other personal didn't feel comfortable sitting there with the flagship team in residence.

Sam looked at her friend and smiled,

"What?" Daniel mused,

"Oh nothing. I mean I've just watched my Ex-Fiancé die but for some reason I'm more worried about you. What's going on Daniel?"  
"Sam, you just watched your Ex-fiancé die, who cares about my stupid problems. How are you?"  
"Your problems aren't stupid Daniel. And funnily enough I'm fine."  
"That's usually my line Sam. I hope your fine isn't the same as my fine."  
"No really, I think I'm okay. I mean I'm a little sad I couldn't get through to him but in all seriousness, the man on that planet was not the same man I knew. I don't know who that was."  
"People change, uh I mean, something obviously happened to make him feel the need to act out and um…"  
"Go Nuts?"  
"Well, yes. So you can't feel bad for loving the man he was before. As you said, he was a different man then to now. And I guarantee that you're a different woman."  
"Insightful and thank you! You can't avoid my questions forever you know."  
"I can try!"

Sam just looked at Daniel and raised an eyebrow. Daniel continued to try and stare her down and for a few minutes no one said a word. A few personnel walked past, giving the pair funny looks but no one interfered. Eventually Daniel blinked and Sam sat back with a smile.

"Alright, just answer me this."

Daniel raised an eyebrow but didn't refuse so Sam pressed on,

"What's going on with you and the Colonel?"  
"I have no idea what you're talking about."

Sam kept up her unblinking expression but Daniel just stared back with the same look.

"You really don't know do you?" She realised.

"No. I mean I can guess, I'm just surprised it's taken him this long to get fed up with me. It doesn't normally take this long but it was always going to happen."  
"You don't really believe that do you?"  
"Sam, it's just the fact of it."

Daniel shrugged in acceptance but Sam wouldn't let it go.

"I just don't believe it Daniel. The Colonel isn't like everyone else, and he likes you…" Daniel looked up sharply, "he's said more than once that you're a good friend. I don't think he is fed up with you. Something else must be going on."

"I like your positive attitude Sam but that's not the reality." Daniel looked at his watch and yawned, "I should be getting back to work. Heaps to do and all that."  
"Daniel I'm tired, you have to be tired, let me drive you home."  
"Thanks Sam, but I'm fine really. I'm going to stay here."  
"My fine or your fine?"

Sam shook her head but smiled as she got up.

"Okay, well have a good night. I'll see you tomorrow okay."  
"Sure Sam. Hey, what are you doing on Friday Afternoon?"  
"Nothing at this stage, why?"  
"I have an apartment viewing and I'd love a second opinion if you want to come along."  
"Sure Daniel. I'd love to, thanks for the invite!"

Sam squeezed his shoulder as she passed and Daniel looked back down at his coffee. He didn't know what prompted him to ask Sam to go apartment shopping with him but he felt good about the idea. Normally Jack would have insisted he accompany the man but now he wasn't so sure.

Daniel drained his coffee and re-filled his cup to take back to his office. He sat going over SG8's notes for a few hours before he realised that he was acting on Auto-Pilot, he hadn't actually read the words on the pages in-front of him.

Sighing in frustration, Daniel put the papers down and leant back in his chair, he took in the photograph of Sha'ra on his desk.

"I'm glad I didn't have a chance to bring you here, nothing has changed that's for sure."

Daniel sat contemplating the picture for a few minutes before he slowly drifted off to sleep.

_As bad as it was, as bad as it hurt  
I thank God I didn't get what I thought that I deserved  
Sometimes life leads you down a different road  
When you're holding on to someone that you gotta let go  
Someday you'll see the reason why  
Sometimes, yeah sometimes, there's good in goodbye_

Across town, Jack sat on his deck staring at the stars. He had an open bottle of beer with at least three empty ones next to him. No matter what he did he couldn't get the image of Daniel lying dead in his arms out of his mind.

He didn't know why but the thought hurt just as much as his memory of Charlie. Jack finished his beer and headed for the stairs. He had to be back on deck in eight hours and in his current condition he wasn't so sure the General would be impressed.

He wandered up to his room but stopped outside Daniel's door. He hadn't heard the younger man come home so he quietly opened the door and peeked inside. The bed was perfectly made with his Journal sitting on the side table.

Unable to stop himself he went over and picked up the Journal, turning on the night light he flicked open the pages and read the words coming from the inner most mind of his friend,

_***Daniel's Journal***_

'…_I never thought I'd have someone do that for me. He reached down and held out his hand for me to take. I can count on one hand the number of times that's happened. I was scared, I wanted to take his hand but I didn't want to at the same time. Eventually I reached out towards him, I was glad I did. It was such a natural response for him and I hope one day I will feel the same. All I know is that in that moment I knew I could trust him; I just have to figure out how.' I…_

_*** End Daniel's Journal***_

Jack put the Journal back on the stand, his training instinctively kicking in meaning he put it back exactly as he had left it. Reading even just a snippet of Daniels thoughts just made him hurt more. The trust Daniel had put in him lately had put a look in the younger man's eyes that he had seen many times in his sons.

He hadn't meant to shut Daniel out but he honestly didn't know how to deal with the situation. It didn't make sense that his mind had replaced Charlie with Daniel. He loved Charlie more than anything and Daniel was just a friend.

_*Best friend!*_

The thought came popping into his mind and he didn't shut it out. It was true; he knew Daniel was more of a friend than anyone else in his life, even Feretti. In two months Daniel had been his almost constant companion and he had grown to like, even rely on his company. Even the fact that Daniel still wasn't home left him feeling empty.

He walked out of the room and into his own. After taking a shower he lay down and tried to sleep. It took over an hour for unconsciousness to kick in. When it finally did Jack dreamt of that Afternoon only eighteen months earlier that had changed his life.

_As the gun shot rang out he ran into Charlie's room to find him on the floor covered in blood. As he knelt down to cradle his son's lifeless body the scene changed,_

'_Dad?'_

_Jack opened his eyes, tears streaming down his face to find Charlie's bright green eyes staring up at him,_

'_Charlie?'_

'_Dad, you can let go now.'_

_Jack frowned but released his grip a little and Charlie sat up. Jack noticed the blood had gone, so had the gun._

'_Dad, why are you crying?'_

'_This is a dream. I know this isn't what happened. You died…in my arms.'_

'_You're right. But that was a long time ago dad. So why are you crying?'_

'_It felt real, again. It hurts Charlie, every time it hurts.'_

'_You got better for a while.'_

'_I will never stop missing you Charlie, every day I miss you.'_

'_I miss you too dad, but it *did* get better. I know it did. You laughed again. What happened?'_

_Jack looked at his Son but couldn't get the words out._

'_I don't know Charlie.'_

'_Yes you do. What about Daniel?'_

'_How do you know about Daniel?'_

'_He's in you Dad, just like I am.'_

'_It hurt Charlie, just like before.'_

'_I know it did, because you care for him.'_

'_I don't want to forget you Charlie.'_

_The image of Charlie smiled and hugged his dad. Jack felt the contact and couldn't help but wonder if maybe the dream wasn't as dreamlike as he had thought._

_*Impossible. Just a crazy wish.*_

'_Nothing is impossible dad, the Stargate proves that. And I don't want you to forget me either dad but that doesn't mean you can't let someone else in. He needs you dad, just like I needed you.'_

_Jack looked around and found he was standing in Daniel's office. The young Archeologist was sitting at his desk, head on his arms sleeping. Jack didn't know what was going on but once again he had a feeling that there was more reality going on than dream_

'_Don't let fear get in the way.'_

'_I'm not afraid Charlie.'_

'_Can't lie to me dad.'_

_Jack looked at his son and walked over to Daniel's desk. The orb on his desk let off a blue glow that lit up the area immediately surrounding it and as Jack walked over it glowed a little brighter_

'_I can't lose you again Charlie.'_

'_Daniel isn't me dad.'_

'_But it feels the same.'_

_Jack continued to watch his friend sleeping. It was difficult to explain the feelings inside him but for some reason Charlie seemed to understand._

_*It's not Charlie, wake up Jack. Charlie is gone…but Daniel is still here.*_

'_Go with it dad.'_

_Jack turned to his son and found himself back in his room at his home in Colorado Springs. _

'_I'm going to get motion sickness from this.'_

_Charlie laughed and Jack smiled at him_

'_We had some good times didn't we?'_

'_Yeah dad, you were the best.'_

'_I'm sorry Charlie.'_

'_So am I, but seriously dad, I'm okay and I need you to be okay too.'_

'_It's hard.'_

'_Don't let fear get in the way.'_

Jack woke up in his bed with the glow of the sun starting to light his room. He looked around and thought back to his dream. It had seemed so real, like Charlie was actually with him. He could still feel his warm hand in his own.

_*Too much alcohol.*_

Jack got up and went across the hall to Daniel's room. Even before he opened the door he knew it was empty.

_*Didn't come home last night, not that I blame you. Please don't tell me you slept in that chair the whole night.*_

Jack shook his head and went down stairs to prepare for the day.

He stood looking at his pantry for a few moments before he reached out and put some coffee into the pot Daniel kept by the stove. Realising what he was doing Jack snapped out of his reverie, grabbed the coffee bag and his keys and headed out the door for the SGC.

_*Don't let fear get in the way…okay sport, we'll try this your way.*_

Jack made his way rather quickly to the SGC. He pulled up just as the clock ticked over to 7am. He went straight to the commissary and made up the coffee he had brought with him. It was Daniel's favorite, a bean they had discovered a few weeks before whilst on a short trip to Denver. Since the discovery, Daniel had all but given up all other forms of coffee except when he was out or off-world.

He took the mug of fresh brew to Daniel's office. Without knocking Jack slipped quietly in and placed the cup on Daniel's desk and sat down to wait. It didn't take long for Daniel's nose to start twitching.

"Jack?" Daniels' eyes were still closed but his hand reached out to grasp the coffee cup and he lifted his head enough to take a sip, His mouth smiled around the cup as he took in the flavour.

_*Hmm, good coffee, sore neck. Sad, why am I sad? Coffee, desk…why am I at a desk…coffee…desk…office. Good coffee and SGC…don't mix…*_

Daniel finally opened his eyes and saw Jack smirking at him.

"Jack?"  
"Rise and shine Danny! Big day ahead."  
"What are you doing here?"  
"I work here remember."  
"I mean here in my office? And coffee, where did the coffee come from? There's no good coffee here."  
"I brought it from home. I figured since you slept here you could use a good pick-me-up."

Daniel looked down at his desk and tried to avoid Jack's gaze,

"Yeah, I got caught up here. Work and all."  
"I'm sorry Danny."  
"For what?"

Daniel looked at the man in front of him in confusion

_*It's my fault, I was getting in the way, what has he got to be sorry about?*_  
"Listen I had some stuff going on and I needed to figure it out, I didn't mean to shut you out."  
"You didn't, I mean you did but that's okay, normal even. It's fine Jack, nothing to be sorry about."

Jack was still worried about what he had done and Daniel's wording was concerning him

_*What about Daniel doesn't concern me these days!*_

Jack nodded and decided to let Daniel wake up a bit before the mission,

"Okay, well I'm going to go. There's more coffee in the Commissary if you want it. I put your name on it. Meeting at 0900."  
"9am."

Jack grinned, whatever was going on he could fix,

"It's all in the details. Drink your coffee…all of it."  
"I don't do orders."  
"I doubt you have a problem with this one."

Daniel shook his head but the cup was already halfway to his mouth. Jack shut the door on his way out and Daniel finished his coffee in peace. He didn't know what was going on but he wasn't going to try and figure it out before the caffeine kicked in.

_*Figure it out later. Shower, must shower.*_

An hour later Daniel made his way to the briefing room, he was still early but he figured he could relax a little before the meeting. He walked in and found a pot of coffee on the serving trolley with his name on it. He picked it up and sniffed it knowing that it would be Allpress.

He shook his head as he filled his cup again.

_*Three before nine, not complaining but seriously! I'm going to be buzzing before too long. Jack really is feeling bad about something. Can't be me, wonder what's going on.*_

As the meeting got underway Jack continued his usual banter without any hint as to his sudden change of behaviour the previous day. The mission was given a go and an hour later the team stepped through the Stargate as if nothing had happened.

_I don't regret it  
the time we had together  
I won't forget it  
But we both ended up where we belong  
I guess goodbye made us strong  
And yeah I'm happy  
I found somebody too who makes me happy  
and I knew one day I'll see you on the street  
And it'd be bittersweet_

* * *

Daniel watched as Jack stood on the ramp leading up to the gate, holding his clone son's hand. The last time Jack had walked through the gate because of Charlie he had been going to die and Daniel was afraid this time would be no different.

"Keep the lights on, I'll be back."

Jack saw the concern in Daniel's eyes but he didn't have time to explain,

_*Trust me Danny; I'll come home to you.*_

Jack blinked as the thought ran through his head. He looked down at the small boy by his side, and together they walked through the gate.

Daniel went and sat in the control room, his eyes trained in the large ring in front of him. Sam and Teal'c walked past but General Hammond stopped next to him,

"He could be a while Son." He intoned softly

Daniel looked up at the General and nodded,

"I uh, I think I'll wait here anyway, unless I'm in the way of course."

Daniel started to get up but General Hammond put a hand on his shoulder and gently pushed him into his chair.

"No, stay, It's a good thing."

Hammond nodded and continued toward the stairs. Daniel sat back and continued to wait. He knew he wouldn't be comfortable until Jack was back safe.

Worlds away, Jack stood on the yellow and blue planet with the clone who had taken the form of his son.

"You are sad. Is it because I am leaving?"  
"Not you exactly…"  
"Charlie. He has been gone a while, but I sense he has not been gone as long as the people of your world suspect."  
"He died over a year ago but…"  
"You have seen him since."  
"Yeah, maybe. I dream about him a lot but seeing you made me remember how he felt, his touch, his warmth."  
"You always remembered Jack. If you didn't then I would not be able to be here as I now am. It is your memory that I became."  
"I know, you said that."

Jack looked down,

"You said death doesn't mean the same thing for your people. What do you mean?"  
"Death is the name given when the physical body ceases to function. But the energy of the body continues. My physical body has long gone from this existence but as you see, my energy still flows."  
"Like your soul?"  
"Perhaps. Your son still exists; he is inside you just as Daniel's parents are inside him."  
"Why do you keep bringing up Daniel?"  
"I do not, you do."  
"I think I prefer the non-insightful Charlie. My son was not an adult."

Jack knelt down to the clones' level,

"Will you be okay?"  
"I will."  
"Will I be okay?"  
"You will. Do not let fear get in the way."  
"You keep saying that too."

Jack reached out and took the clone into his arms giving him a big hug. As weird as it had been, Jack felt he was finally getting some closure.

"Goodbye Charlie."  
"Bye dad, remember…"  
"I know, don't let fear get in the way."  
"Actually I was going to say, Cubs for the win."

Jack laughed and watched as Charlie disappeared. He stood staring at the spot the entity had been and thought about what it had said.

_*The energy still flows, Danny will love that. Why is everyone obsessed with me and Danny!*_

Jack dialed Earth and sent through the IDC, walking through a few moments later. He looked up and saw Daniel looking down at him, the younger man visibly relaxed upon his arrival. Jack also felt a sense of relief.

_*Thai night! Danny deserves it.*_

Daniel watched Jack walk through the gate and he sighed in relief. He wouldn't say he was scared but he was definitely worried.

_*Pizza night! Jack deserves it.*_

_As bad as it was, as bad as it hurt  
I thank God I didn't get what I thought that I deserved  
Sometimes life leads you down a different road  
When you're holding on to someone that you gotta let go  
Someday you'll see the reason why  
Sometimes, yeah sometimes, there's good in goodbye_

* * *

Jack and Daniel were sitting back on the deck having eating a strange dinner which had consisted of both Thai food and Pizza as neither man had backed down on eating the others favorite choice.

Jack knew he owed Daniel an explanation for his actions a few nights earlier but he wasn't sure where to begin.

"Sara seems nice." Daniel commented in an off-hand way. Jack tensed slightly but relaxed as he realised Daniel tone was simply conversational.  
"Yeah she is. How the heck am I going to explain this to her?"  
"I don't know. How are you dealing with it?"  
"I'm fine."  
"Your fine or my fine?" Daniel grinned as he spoke.  
"Definitely your fine. 100% Dr. Jackson A-Okay."

Daniel nodded in understanding and was about to get up when Jack stopped him,

"I'm sorry for the way I acted the other night Daniel. It wasn't fair to put you through that. I know what you must have thought and I can safely say you are not in the way, I just needed to distance myself for a bit."  
"It's Okay Jack. You don't need to explain yourself to me. We've been over this."  
"Maybe, but it's important to me that I try to explain. Look I'm not good with words or feelings and stuff, that's probably why Sara and I couldn't make it work in the end."  
"You're a guy, I'm not exactly the best at that stuff either Jack, it's not in our nature to be."  
"I guess. Listen Charlie…energy Charlie…told me that Death isn't final, that everyone lives on after in some form. Do you believe that?"  
"I don't know, I uh, I like to think so I guess. I'm not quite sure what you mean though."  
"He said that Charlie's energy was still out there, in me. He said your parents were in you."  
"He said that?"  
"Yeah. I think I do kinda believe it. It would make a lot of sense lately."  
"I dreamt about Charlie."

Jack looked wide-eyed at his friend,

"When?"  
"Two nights ago. I didn't know then that it was Charlie, but the entity looked to be the spitting image so that's how I know it was him."  
"What happened?"  
"Nothing, I was in my Office and Charlie was there. He told me that everything would be okay."  
"That's it?"  
"Yes. I have no idea what he meant but that's what he said."

Jack lent back in his chair. He didn't want to tell Daniel about his own dream experience, at least not yet. But it occurred to him that Charlie had appeared to both of them on the same night.

"Do you think you will get back together with Sara?"  
"Not any more. We both have very different lives now. It's almost as if this whole experience has shown me that I need to move on."  
"I wish I could say the same."

Daniel looked at his hands as he spoke,

"Both you and Sam have had to deal with stuff over the past week but both of you have said the same thing, you're now ready to look forward, move on with your lives. I just wish I could say the same."  
"Do you want to? Do you want to forget Sha'ra and Ska'ra?"  
"Not forget but…Jack I don't deserve her, I never did. I want to find them, it will always be my goal but I think, after that, I want to move on. Is that wrong? Am I a bad person for wanting that?"  
"Not at all. Daniel you are one of the most caring people I know, and I believe you want what's best for everyone but you also have to want what's best for yourself."

Daniel glanced at his friend and shook his head slightly,

_*You wouldn't want what I want Jack.*_

"Seriously Daniel, I know you've said before you love Sha'ra, but if loving her means letting her go then you shouldn't feel bad about that." Jack responded to the shaking head.  
"Is that how you feel about Sara?"  
"I will always love Sara, but I'm not good for her. I never was. What good we had died with Charlie and we will never get that back."  
"Apparently he still lives Jack, somewhere."  
"Apparently he does, but Sara and I don't. Maybe in an alternate reality!" Jack quipped,  
"Yeah, or you and Sam could be an item."  
"Carter? No way! What about you and the Doc?"  
"Janet, she's nice but not my type."  
"Oh yeah, and what is your type?"  
_*You don't want to know*_ "wouldn't you like to know."  
"Why yes Dr. Jackson, I would."

Daniel looked at his friend and asked seriously,

"Will you be okay?"

Jack smiled as he recalled having the same conversation only a few hours before.

"I will be, and so will you." Jack replied  
"We just can't let fear get in the way." Daniel responded

Jack laughed although Daniel didn't know why. What he did know is that his friends had just had a full-on week and had both come out the other side smiling. If they could do it, maybe one day he could too.

_As bad as it was, as bad as it hurt_  
_I thank God I didn't get what I thought that I deserved_  
_Sometimes life leads you down a different road_  
_When you're holding on to someone that you got to let go_  
_Someday you'll see the reason why_  
_Yeah someday you'll see the reason why_  
_There's good in goodbye, yeah_  
_There's good in goodbye_

**The End**


	5. One By One

**One by One**

**Author:** Midnyteblue  
**Pairing:** Jack/Daniel friendship (Eventual Slash)  
**Rating:** PG13  
**Spoilers:** The Nox (Minor)  
**Summary:** Daniel moves out causing some issues for Jack  
**Disclaimer:** Not mine, never have been or will be. Thank you also to the beautiful Enya for your inspiring Lyrics.  
**Notes:** Only minor Lyrics for this one.  
**Notes 2:** Thoughts are in *-*, Lyrics in Italics.

* * *

General Hammond sat at his desk; the latest Mission reports from his flagship team were open in front of him. He often enjoyed reading the reports as SG1 were the only team that were required to hand in one from each member, and each member had their own unique style that made for some very interesting reading.

Colonel Jack O'Neill usually wrote his based on whatever the first thought that came into his head was, Teal'c wrote his in a very succinct form, never deviating on tangents which made his the easiest to figure out. Captain Samantha Carter wrote hers like a scientific essay, analysing every situation. And Dr Daniel Jackson usually wrote his based on his emotional response to a situation.

SG1 had just come back from a mission to find some sort of cloaking technology that Teal'c had told them about. Whilst they hadn't been able to procure the technology, each member of the team seemed to feel that Earth had found a new friend in the Nox.

_*If only we had a way of reaching them again*_

He was grateful for the people SG1 had found as they had saved their lives. All four members of the team had essentially died but had been revived by the people of the planet.

_*Please don't make dying a habit people, I don't think it's in your best interest.*_

The General was amused that the people of the planet had referred to the people of earth as Young.

_*There are plenty of people around here who would think otherwise*_

As he closed the files, Jack O'Neill knocked on his door,

"Afternoon Sir."  
"Jack come in."

Jack walked into the office and casually stood in front of his commanding officer. General Hammond didn't bother to reprimand his 2IC, there was no point.

"Sir, I think we need to have a little bit more fun around here."  
"Aren't you having fun Colonel?"  
"Well I enjoy dying as much as the next man but Sir, it's come to my attention that all we do is work and save the world, work and save the world."  
"You haven't exactly saved the world as yet Colonel but I get the point. What did you have in mind?"  
"A Barbeque Sir."  
"You don't need my permission to have a Barbeque Jack, was there something else related to this Barbeque that I may not as yet be aware of?"  
"Well Sir, I was thinking of having it here."  
"Here?"  
"Yes Sir, here."  
"As in the SGC?"  
"Yes Sir."  
"Where specifically did you have in mind Jack?"  
"The Gate Room Sir."  
"You want to have a Barbeque for the SGC next to what is essentially a prized artefact."  
"Yes Sir."  
"I think our good Dr of Archaeology will have something to say about that."  
"I'll handle Daniel Sir, c'mon George. Staff BBQ, fun and games. Be the fun Boss!"  
"I think I'll leave that to you Colonel, but I'll give your mission a go. As long as there is absolutely no evidence you were ever there."  
"Can do General!"  
"One other condition Jack."  
"Yes Sir?"  
"Don't burn my steak."  
"Never Sir."

Jack left the office whistling, he knew it wouldn't be a problem but it always helped to get the CO on board.

Hammond watched his 2IC leave his office. He had never worked with an Airman like Colonel O'Neill before. He was impressed at how much Jack cared about the people around him, especially his own team. The easy way he had taken Dr Jackson in after his return to earth was not as much of a talking point as the obvious friendship that had built between the men. They were so dissimilar yet they had a natural connection that had made them good friends.

Dr. Jackson had been staying with Jack for the past two months but he was aware the young man had just filled out a change of address form. He was glad Daniel was finding his feet again, He didn't know what it was but George had a bit of a soft spot for the young man.

_*For all of them, truth be told*_

George thought about the strange request Jack had just made and quickly sent an email to Daniel.

* * *

Jack was still whistling as he entered Daniel's office. Daniel was in the middle of a translation but looked relieved to find Jack had interrupted him,

"Whatchya doin Danny?"  
"My job, what are you doing?"  
"Organising mischief and mayhem. Listen we're having a barbeque here next week, need your help setting it up."  
"We're having a barbeque, here, at the SGC. Where?"  
"Gateroom."  
"You want to have a barbeque, something that will fill the room with smoke and fat, next to an ancient artefact."  
"Exactly!"  
"And General Hammond said yes to this."  
"Sure did Danny. All for it in-fact."  
"Actually Jack I think you'll find he said okay as long as *I* was okay with it."

Jack scrunched his face a little at the obvious reprimand,

"Okay so he may have mentioned that too. Boy he's fast. Come on Danny, we never have any fun around here, it'll be great. A barbeque is a great way to hang out."  
"Hang out?"  
"Yeah, you know, doing something with work friend that's not work related. Just enjoying ourselves."  
"And your idea of doing something not work related is by having the barbeque at work?"

Jack started to respond but realised Daniel was right.

"Okay so maybe that's a small flaw but we can get pretty much the whole SGC in that room, no one's house is big enough for that, and who knows, maybe it will turn into an annual thing."  
"You really have your heart set on this don't you."  
"Well yeah, I kind of do."  
"Why is it so important?"  
"I wanna do something fun around here for a change. And yes I agree that what we do can be considered fun on most occasions." Jack back peddled in response to Daniel's look, "But let's face it, we see each other all the time and it's mostly whilst we're running to or from somewhere. We need to relax a little. It will be a good moral booster I think…I hope…and it will be Teal'cs' first barbeque because he can't go anywhere off base and you've already decided to say yes haven't you."

Daniel smiled as he looked back down at his translation,

"I just wanted to make sure we were potentially going to destroy the world's most priceless artefact for a good cause."  
"We won't destroy it, we'll keep the doors open and if smoke becomes an issue we can always open the gate."  
"I'm sure whatever poor un-suspecting planet we choose will be grateful." Daniel deadpanned  
"The smell of sausages, who can resist? Maybe we should get some shrimp."  
"That statement is incorrect."  
"What statement?"  
"The term 'Throw some Shrimp on the Barbie' is incorrect."  
"What! How do you know?"  
"Australians don't call them shrimp, they're prawns. The term Shrimp was used to engage the American culture."  
"Huh, who knew? Still the point stands, we need to organise this. I'm not good at organising, you organise it and tell me where to stand."  
"I don't think so Jack." Daniel hadn't even looked up from his work.  
"Oh come on. Get in the spirit Danny."  
"Your idea, you organise."  
"Well can you at least help?"

Daniel finally looked up and sighed,

"Fine, but maybe get Sam to help as well. I'm not good at this sort of thing."  
"It's just a barbeque Daniel, not rocket science."  
"Hence why you're taking charge, Still, I think she would be better to help on this than me. I'm sure she'll be up for it. It uh, sounds like fun."

Jack stared at his friend for a minute before heading for the door,

_*You're unsure about this Danny but it's not the fact I'm doing this next to your precious Stargate. DJM alert*_

"You still sure you want to move this weekend?" He asked for what seemed the thousandth time,  
"Yes Jack. I need to move out sometime, and the apartment was fine."  
"Just checking. We have Feretti's truck so it should be a breeze."  
"I don't have that much stuff Jack."  
"You have more than you think."

Daniel glanced up but Jack only smiled and walked out of his office. He went down three levels to Carter's lab. He found Sam speaking with Janet, the Chief Medical Officer.

"Ladies how are we this fine day?"  
"Well considering we all died yesterday I'm quite well Sir."  
"All good here Colonel."  
"Everyone is hung up on the death thing. We survived and now we're planning a barbeque. All is well with the world."  
"Yes Sir, a barbeque?" Sam looked at her CO curiously. Janet gave her a side-long glance and they both turned to Jack for further explanation.  
"Yes Carter, a Barbeque. Here at the SGC. We're going to have it next Friday in the Gateroom and yes both the General AND Daniel have approved of its location."  
"Okay Sir…why?"  
"Because we can. Time to loosen up a little Carter."  
"Okay, so we're having a barbeque, who's coming?"  
"Well so far it's you, Daniel and the General."  
"Sounds fun Sir."  
"Glass half empty Carter, I need your help."  
"What do you need?"  
"Well people for starters."  
"It takes more than a week to make a person Colonel."

Janet laughed but quickly tried to cover it up with a cough,

"Very funny Captain, I need you guys to help me spread the word. This is a social evening, make it fun."  
"Okay Sir, we'll do what we can."  
"Excellent. Also I need your help organising it in general. I've asked Daniel but he seems hesitant."  
"DJM Sir?"  
"I'll figure it out, but can you try and get him involved too?"  
"DJM?" Janet queried  
"Daniel Jackson Mystery." Sam clarified  
"Sounds intriguing, maybe I can help solve that one for you."  
"Good luck." Jack stated seriously, "Anyway, you guys in?"  
"Is that an order Sir?"  
"Actually no Carter, this has to be a fun event, no one will be forced into it."  
"I'm in Sir."  
"Me too Colonel. I still haven't had the opportunity to meet a whole lot of people without them bleeding all over me. Should be good."  
"Okay, well I'll organise the food if you lovely ladies can organise the set up and get people there. Give me numbers by Wednesday?"  
"Will do Sir."

Jack left again quite quickly giving Sam and Janet much to talk about.

Next on Jack's list was to locate Teal'c. A passing Marine pointed him in the direction of the training rooms. When he walked in he saw Teal'c working out with a few of the new recruits. Hammond had put the big guy in charge of weapons training for the new-comers as he had the most experience with alien weaponry.

Lou Feretti walked past and he and Jack chatted for a while whilst waiting for Teal'c to finish up.

"Sounds good Jack, what are you doing about a Barbeque?"  
"Well, honestly I hadn't got that far. You have anything in mind?"  
"I have one we can use; I'll chat with my guys and see what we can come up with. Count us all in."  
"Don't make it an order Lou; I want this to be fun."  
"No probs. Alright I'll catch you later."  
"Tell Sam how many you got coming! And spread the word!"

Lou raised a hand in reply and Jack sat back to wait for the Jaffa to finish.

* * *

Janet knocked on the door of Daniel's office,

"It's open!"

Janet opened the door and walked into the small office space. She had never been into Daniel's office before and what she saw fascinated her. There was stuff everywhere but it seemed that there was order to the chaos,

"Hey Daniel."  
"Hey Janet, how are you?"  
"I'm fine, how are you? How's your hand?"  
"It's good, no drama's. Just like I told you."  
"There aren't any drama's Daniel because we managed to get you to keep that cast on. Any chance you'll ever tell me how it happened?"  
"Nope."  
"Didn't think so, okay so you know this little barbeque the Colonel wants to throw? Sam and I are organising the set up and we were hoping you could help me compile a list of stuff we need."  
"Like what?"  
"Well you know tables and things. Jack has the food covered so we just need to do the rest."  
"Sam couldn't give you any guidelines?"  
"Well she already had something on this afternoon so I was hoping we could brainstorm together that way we don't miss anything?"  
"Okay, I guess."

Janet started listing things they would need at a pretty fast rate, Daniel sat back and wrote things down but didn't say anything as the small brunette continued on.

"Chairs could be a problem, we don't exactly spend a whole lot of time sitting in this place."  
"People could bring Lawn chairs from home."  
"Yeah, make it a pre-requisite. Okay, anything else?"  
"Um, I'm not sure. Sounds good to me."  
"Excellent, well thanks for that Daniel. I may need your help moving things around next week, that okay?"  
"Sure, that I can do."  
"Alrighty then."

Janet took the list Daniel gave her and headed out of the room. She beckoned for Jack who was waiting just down the hall to follow her.

"I don't think he has been to a barbeque before Colonel, at least not one that he's taken much notice of."  
"Well that makes sense, I wish it didn't though."  
"Colonel, I've had a phone call from an old friend who as it turns out is a mutual acquaintance."  
"Yeah?"  
"Elaine Carrey?"  
"Ahh, Ellie said she had heard of you but didn't say she *knew* you"  
"I did my Pede's rotation under her before joining the Air Force, we got along really well."  
"I asked her to try and get me some information on Daniel, I assume she's done that?"  
"She did manage to find some of Daniel's records, but you know I can't disclose that information. She thought I should have the files as I'm now essentially his doctor."  
"Look I know you can't tell me anything medical but Janet, he doesn't give anything away either."  
"I'm aware of that, and after reading what Elaine has found I'm sure I know why but Jack I can't give you the information, it's illegal for starters."  
"I know, I wish he would tell me but I know he won't"  
"Jack, it's rare that a Colonel would care so much for a civilian, even a friend."

Jack stopped walking and lent against the wall, he looked around and seeing no one around he kept talking,

"I don't know Janet; all I know is that yeah, I care about him. He's my best friend as strange as that sounds and I hate that he's suffered; I mean not everyone has a great childhood but it's like his sucked more than most. I just want to find out more about his past."  
"What do you think that will achieve? What's past is past Colonel, you can't change that."  
"I know that, I just…It's Daniel."  
"Colonel you won me over as soon as Elaine called me, but I still can't reveal his medical history and honestly I don't think you want me to. It's not pretty, and I don't even have all of it."  
"I figured as much."  
"I can tell you that he was in at least seven Foster homes before he emancipated himself at seventeen. We are missing some of those years and after seventeen he pretty much disappeared, medically anyway."  
"Wow, thanks for that Janet, I appreciate it."  
"I wish I could tell you more but…"  
"No it's fine, thanks."  
"He's been hurt Jack."  
"I know."  
"But he has come out the other side, somehow."  
"But at what price?"  
"You may not be able to fix this Jack. I've seen cases like his before, thankfully not many but there are something's' that no amount of care can change."  
"It's Daniel. He's SG1, Family."  
"I wish everyone had a friend like you. If this really is your goal, count me in."  
"Thanks Doc, now that aside, how's our barbeque coming along"  
"You only told me about it a few hours ago Jack, give a girl some time!"

Janet smiled as she continued to walk past. Jack thought about what Janet had told him, he knew it had been bad for Daniel and he still didn't know much but what he did was enough.

_*Seven Foster homes, that's a lot. I doubt he was a problem child…I hope one day he tells me…or someone…why do I care so much…because everyone needs someone to care…to protect…Stop thinking O'Neill, barbeque, focus on the barbeque, you can do this*_

Jack pushed himself off the wall and walked toward his office to start sorting out the food.

* * *

Daniel looked around his room; the pale blue walls which first seemed over kill now seemed comforting. All the things he had collected since his return had fit into two bags which were already down stairs. He sat on the bed and looked out the window,

_*I don't want to leave, but I have no choice. I have to move on, but I will miss this.*_

He knew he had to move out today, Jack wasn't kicking him out; it was his choice but at the same time it wasn't.

_*I have to do this now before he finds out. You can do this, you've done it before.*_

Daniel had moved around so often that the idea of moving now had a familiar comfort to it, but this was the first time he had left voluntarily and it was the first time he was upset by the event.

_*It's for the best, no matter what he says I'm just in the way, and if he is telling the truth it's only a matter of time before he figures me out and then he will be begging me to leave. They all do*_

Daniel sighed and got up off the bed, he turned and found Jack standing in the door way,

"You don't have to leave you know. I honestly don't mind."  
"Jack, stop this. I don't know why you're so hung up on me staying anyway."  
"I guess, I just got used to you that's all. This place will be pretty quiet without you around."  
"Maybe you should get a pet."  
"With our schedule! Yeah right."  
"Living on your own, there's a whole lot you can do now you know."  
"Like what?"  
"I don't know, eat whatever you want."  
"I do anyway."  
"Have people over, you know *company*"  
"I don't think so Daniel."  
"Or you can keep doing what you always do and not have to worry about a second person's proximity."  
"You sound like you're talking to yourself as much as me."  
"Maybe, point is, your life will continue quite happily. And I'm only 10 minutes away!" Daniel joked.  
_*10 minutes too far, you can't… stop thinking Jack.*_ "So if I ever want a dose of annoyance I can just nip over?"

Daniel didn't answer; he looked around one more time before heading downstairs.

Jack followed him out the door and got into the passenger side of Daniels car,

_*Please don't kill him little car.*_ He thought as Daniel started the engine.

"You really don't have to come."  
"I think I may be of some assistance."  
"How are you getting home?"  
"Got that sorted too."

Daniel didn't bother to try and figure out his friend, they drove to Daniel's new apartment in almost silence with only the radio for sound

_Here am I  
Yet another goodbye!  
He says Adios, says Adios,  
And do you know why  
She won't break down and cry?  
She says Adios, says Adios, Goodbye._

_One by one my leaves fall._  
_One by one my tales are told._

"Well that's a bit depressing." Jack reached over and changed the station.  
"It's a nice song."  
"Goodbyes are never nice."

Daniel frowned at Jack again but stayed silent. He was a bit confused by Jack's behaviour the last few days. He wasn't his usual self. For two days he had been running around like a crazy person trying to organise the barbeque for the SGC. Daniel had to hand it to him, most people seemed to be on board but he also had a feeling the majority of attendees felt their jobs were on the line if they didn't.

Jack had continuously tried to get Daniel involved. Eventually he had become frustrated by the constant requests and had simply walked away. Jack seemed to take the hint but it had also caused the older man to become quiet (by comparison). Daniel didn't want to hurt Jack's feelings but he also didn't know how to explain the situation.

_*What can I say, sorry Jack I've never been to a barbeque before let alone organised one! He'll think I'm a fruit loop! He likes fruit loops.*_

Daniel knew Jack was snooping around for information about his past, Elaine had mentioned it to him the week before when the two men had invited her over for dinner.

As she was leaving Daniel offered to walk her to her car, it was raining and Daniel had held the umbrella

_### Flashback ###_

"_Jack's a good man Daniel, a good friend. You could do a whole lot worse."  
"I know; he has been very kind to me; I've been a bit of a pain for him, leaving then coming back to town un-expectedly."  
"He's worried about you."  
"I'm fine, really."  
"You always are I bet. Daniel I have to tell you something, but don't tell Jack I told you."  
"Okay."  
"When you came to see me a few weeks back, Jack asked me to look into your background, try and get a bit of information."_

_Daniel was taken aback,_

"_Why would he do that?"  
"I told you, he's worried."  
"About what, he doesn't really have the right to do what…a background check?"  
"Don't get angry Daniel, he just wants to know more about you."  
"He could ask."  
"Would you have told him anything if he did?"_

_Daniel thought about the fact that jack *had* asked and he had avoided the topic completely where possible_

"_I guess not." He murmured  
"Look, I did as he asked but I have no intention of giving him your medical files."  
"I didn't think you were allowed anyway."  
"I'm not which is only half the reason why I'm not."  
"And the other half?"  
"Well that's up to you Daniel. It's your past; it's up to you who to trust to tell. I'm just a doctor."  
"So you've seen my files?"  
"Your medical ones yes, not your foster ones, and with your permission I think I'll forward them to Dr Frasier."  
"Why?"  
"Daniel, I like you…a lot, and I want to make sure you have the best possible care I can offer, now I'm happy for you to see me medically If you like but Dr Frasier is the one you will be seeing the majority of the time am I right?"  
"Yeah she is."  
"Okay, well I really think she needs to see your records, it would help to explain some things she may find."  
"Okay."_

_Daniel looked upset and Elaine reached out to take his hand,_

"_Daniel, I'm very very sorry for what's happened to you. If I could do something I would but it's all past, what I can do now is make sure you're looked after and I believe Janet can help."_

_Daniel nodded and Elaine got into her car,_

"_Nothing that happened to you is your fault okay, please try and remember that. It's up to you Daniel, but I think you should trust Jack. He really does want what's best for you. I know it's hard to believe but I know Jack, as I said, you could do a whole lot worse."  
"Thankyou Elaine, I'll um, think about it."  
"Ellie."  
"Huh?"  
"Call me Ellie Daniel; it's what all my friends call me."_

_Daniel smiled and watched her go before walking back inside_

_### End Flashback ###_

Daniel was worried enough about Janet finding out things about him let alone Jack. He wasn't quite ready to face rejection from him yet.

Daniel pulled the car up in-front of his new apartment building and got out. He stood in place like a guppy, his mouth hanging open. Jack got out and grinned at his reaction,

"Brilliant. Okay guys, let's get everything in."

Daniel could only watch as Lou Feretti and Sergeant Siler started to unload what looked like a very full truck.

"Are you just going to stand there Daniel or are you going to let us in?" Jack called out.  
"What is all this?" Daniel finally asked as he walked up to the door.  
"Your things."  
"What do you mean 'My Things', I don't have any things."  
"It's all stuff from your storage container Sir." Siler told him.  
"Storage?"  
"Yeah Doc, did you forget you had all this?"  
"I thought…Jack?"

Jack smiled and kept unloading,

"Help and old guy out would ya Danny!"

Daniel could only stare as more and more of his things were pulled from the truck. He opened the door and wordlessly helped pile things into the elevator to take them up the stairs. It took a little over three hours but eventually all his things were inside.

"That's everything Doc, need anything else?"  
"No, thank you. You've done enough really."  
"No sweat, Jack, need a lift?"  
"No thanks Lou, I'll see you later."  
"Good afternoon Sir."  
"Thanks Siler."

As the two men left Daniel stood in the middle of the piles in his lounge area and waved. Jack walked over and sat on the lounge. Daniel kept looking at his things but eventually his eyes focused on Jack.

"Jack?"  
"Daniel?"  
"…"

Jack decided to take pity on the younger man,

"After we came back from Abydos for the first time, I got Catherine to tell me where you lived and I had all your stuff put in storage. I figured if you did come back you would want it."  
"Why didn't you tell me?"  
"Well at first I didn't bother because you were staying with me, and let's face it we have had a lot of other thing to think about since then. But once you decided you were definitely going to move I thought I'd save it as a surprise."

Jack watched as Daniel ran his hand over a few of the artefacts that were floating around the room. His hand rested on a stuffed camel. It looked very worn and was missing one eye but Daniel held it like it was gold.

"My dad gave me this. I thought it was gone." Daniel whispered

Jack watched as Daniel tried to wipe a tear from his eye without him noticing. The urge to get up and hug the younger man was overwhelming. Jack wasn't a big hugger but for some reason around Daniel he was always fighting to hold it in.

"I wouldn't let your things get hurt Daniel. I packed most of them away myself to make sure of it."

Daniel walked over and sat next to Jack on the couch,

"No one has ever done something like this for me before."  
"I know."

Daniel held the camel tight not wanting to let go,

"I've never been to a barbeque." Daniel spoke quietly, staring at the toy in his hands.

Jack didn't respond, he knew Daniel was doing something he had never done before and he didn't want to break the flow.

"Living in Egypt, it just wasn't the type of thing you did and after…well the people I stayed with didn't do that, or I wasn't allowed to go. And in college all I did was study, and keep to myself. I've never been to one. I didn't mean to upset you, I just…I'm sorry."

Jack closed his eyes, fighting the urge to look up each of Daniels Foster Families and giving them a piece of his mind. He lent sideways and bumped Daniels shoulder.

"Thank you Danny."  
"You're not…mad?"  
"Oh I'm furious Danny, but not at you. Listen, I don't ever want to hear you say you're sorry for stuff like this. It isn't your fault and you aren't to blame. I will never judge you for the failings of our childcare system."  
"I just thought, you would laugh or something. I don't know."  
"Daniel listen very carefully, I will never laugh at you over stuff like this. In fact I *want* you to tell me about stuff like this, that way I can fix it."  
"I've told you before Jack, you can't fix everything."  
"I'm aware of that Daniel, but I want to do what I can. And who knows, maybe we can have some fun along the way."  
"We're adults jack."  
"Ahh yes, but remember, 'The very young do not always do as they are told'."

Daniel laughed and Jack noticed his grip had loosened on the toy.

"Wanna tell me about him?" Jack pointed at the Camel. Daniel seemed to consider it but slowly shook his head. "Okay maybe some other time."  
*I hope so Jack…one day*

Jack looked around,

"Alright Danny, let's get this sorted."

It took all day but by eight O'clock that night the two men were hot and sticky but the apartment was in order. Daniel pulled his shirt off and lay down on the cool tiles. Jack was outside on the balcony leaning against the railing looking in.

"What about Disneyland?"  
"Nope, I went to Epcot on a field trip."  
"Okay, that doesn't count. Want a drink?"  
"I'm not moving."  
"Wasn't what I asked."

Jack pulled himself up and went to a cool bag he had brought from home. He pulled out two beers and placed one next to the sprawled out Archaeologist.

"Drink it while it's cold."

Daniel groaned but sat up slowly.

"The military agrees with you Danny."  
"Huh?"  
"You're filling out a bit. Soon you'll have more muscle than Teal'c."  
"I don't think so."  
"Well you're certainly not the scrawny geek I first met."  
"I'm not cutting my hair."  
"Didn't say you had to. Long hair suits you anyway. So did you ever have sleep overs?"  
"You're compiling a list aren't you."  
"Yeahsureyoubetcha."  
"I feel stupid, I mean there is so much I apparently haven't done."  
"As I said we will fix it."

Daniel finished his beer and lay back down,

"I think I just want to sleep."  
"You need food Danny."  
"Too tired. Coffee, I need coffee."  
"Let's get food, then you can have coffee."  
"I have no coffee. I have no food. But I have my bed. My bed is good."  
"Food is good. Come on, change and we can go out."

Daniel looked up at his friend standing over him and rolled his eyes, he reached up and Jack helped him to his feet,

_*Getting some good tone there Danny. Why the hell am I looking! Jealous I guess, the joys of being young*  
_

"I need a shower."  
"I brought some clothes with me, you get changed and we'll head out."  
"You planned this?"  
"Not planned, but I always come prepared."  
"Boy Scout."  
"Not that good, hurry up, there's some steak out there with our names on it."_  
_  
Half an hour later both men were showered and on their way to O'Malley's

"I can't believe you haven't been here before."  
"I didn't live in Colorado before now Jack, now if there was one in Chicago then maybe…okay maybe not but still, When have I had time to go out?"  
"Okay good point. Have you been to a cinema?"  
"Of course I have!"  
"Just checking."  
"Standard first date if I recall."  
"And how many of those have you done Dr Jackson?" Jack laughed,  
"A few…"  
"A few as in lots or a few as in none?"  
"I've dated Jack."  
"Just making sure, I mean who knows, you could be a 'marry after twenty-four hours' kind of guy."  
"That only happened once."

They parked out the front of the restaurant and walked inside. It was pretty full but Jack smiled at the girl behind the bar and the two were seated straight away.

"I come here a bit." Jack admitted when questioned. So come on Danny, how many we talking here?"  
"How many what?"  
"How many first dates!"  
"How many have you had Jack?" Daniel flipped the question.  
"Okay, I see how this is going to end. Let's do this my way okay, we each answer the same question, tit for tat. Too bad they don't serve shots."  
"Shots?"  
"Yeah you know, take a shot if you don't want to answer."  
"I haven't done that either."  
"Oh I can see some fun there one day. So I'll start, I've had eight first dates."

Daniel raised an eyebrow but conceded an answer,

"Three…including Sha'ra."  
"So two here on earth, what were their names?"  
"Amy and Sarah."  
"You had a Sarah? Something in common then."  
"Okay Tit-for-tat, yours?"  
"I honestly don't really remember, only had four go past the first few dates. Sarah of course, Julie, Amanda and Mel."

Daniel nodded and took a sip of the wine he had ordered.

"I didn't know you drank wine, I assumed you didn't like alcohol."  
"I don't like beer, but wine, as long as it's good I like."

Jack took in the information and tried to figure out the next line of questioning for the young man. Daniel was being extremely open for a change and he wanted to keep going while he could, the wrong question could end it here and now.

The pair placed their order and Jack ordered another bottle of wine,

"Have you ever skied?"  
"Well yes and no."  
"Okay, explain."

Daniel smiled at the memory,

"Well, I've never skied in actual snow, and yes I have seen it. I lived in Chicago remember, anyway, when I was about 5, I was in Egypt with mum and dad; mum mentioned she would like to ski when we came back to America. I asked what Skiing was. Dad had a hard time explaining it because I had only ever known the desert so he got two planks of wood, and tied my feet to it, next thing I know I was pushed down a sand dune. "  
"Inventive, how'd it go?"  
"I got a face full of sand as you can imagine, but eventually I made it down okay."  
"We have to get you out on the slopes here when the season starts."  
"You ski?"  
"Yeah, I mean I haven't in a while but yeah, I love it. I board now though, my knees don't appreciate the skis. We could get you on the Air Force Ski Team!"  
"I don't think that would be a good idea."  
"Why not? Air Force vs. Marines, It's a great competition. We'll see how you go, kick some marine booty!"

Daniel laughed,

"That is tempting I must admit, I don't think I'll be good enough for that though."  
"We'll see Danny."

Their dinner arrived and both men dug in. They didn't really talk much after that but Jack noticed that it wasn't uncomfortable. Daniel had given over quite a large amount of information, he wasn't sure what had caused it but he wanted to figure it out so he knew how to make it happen again.

An hour later, Daniel left to get the car whilst Jack paid.

"Colonel, I have a question." The waitress spoke as she scanned his card,  
"Sure, what's up?"  
"That guy you were with, is he single?"

Jack chuckled and shook his head,

_*Every time, how does he do it?*_ "He kind of is, It's complicated."  
"Complicated. Oh, are you two…"  
"No! Everyone asks that. He has a wife…had a wife…It's complicated."  
"Sorry Colonel."  
"No, it really is fine. Actually, why did you ask?"  
"Well he's a bit of a cutie…in a nerdy way."  
"I'd say more of a geeky way."  
"There's a difference?" the girl laughed, "Anyway, as I said he's kind of a cutie. But if he has a wife…it's complicated."  
"It is, but I more meant why you asked if we were…"  
"I really didn't mean to offend you."  
"You didn't, but it's not the first time I've been asked so I guess I'm a curious guy."  
"You just looked so comfortable together. It's sweet. Anyway, If it ever becomes, *un-complicated* give him my number."

Jack took the piece of paper with her number along with his card.

"Sure."  
"See you again Colonel."

Jack waved and went out to where Daniel was waiting for him. He got in the car and handed Daniel the girls number,

"What's this?"  
"Our waitress wanted me to give you her number."  
"Why?"  
"She reckons you're a cutie. Her words not mine. I told her you were in a complicated situation but she insisted."  
"Oh."

Daniel put the number in his wallet and drove off.

"You're keeping it?"  
"No, I'll throw it out later."

Jack couldn't help the smile that came to his face. The thought of Daniel dismissing the girl made him a little happier,

_*It's the wine.*_

He thought back over the night and started to put into place what he would need to pull off his plan.

Daniel thought about the little slip of paper that was nestled in his wallet, It wasn't the first time since coming to Colorado that he had been propositioned but as with every other time, he just knew he would never accept.

_*Not the right person…never the right person.*_

Daniel was so wrapped up in his thoughts; he drove to the apartment without thinking. He stopped the car and groaned when he realised his friend was still in the front seat.

"I'm sorry Jack, I didn't even think."  
"I figured."  
"Why didn't you stop me?"  
"I was kinda wrapped up in my own thoughts. C'mon, I'll crash the night."  
"I can't let you do that Jack. It's only ten minutes, I'll drive you."  
"You were exhausted before we went for dinner; I'm not letting you drive. I'll go home tomorrow."  
"Are you sure?"  
"It's time all good Archaeologists were in bed."  
"Jack!" Daniel exclaimed as Jack grinned and got out of the car.

Once upstairs Daniel pulled out some spare sheets and made up the couch,

"You sure this is okay?"  
"Danny, I've slept on worse."  
"I know but…tell me?"

Jack looked up and saw Daniel looking at him curiously. He sat back on the couch as Daniel lent against the wall opposite.

"Well there was this one night in Iraq…"

Over the next few hours Jack told Daniel a little of what his Special Op days were like. He didn't want to scare the younger man so he left most of it out, but what he could tell had Daniel fascinated. At some point a bottle of wine was opened and Daniel migrated to sit opposite Jack on the couch.

It was almost 1am when Jack looked over and saw Daniel was asleep. His glasses had slipped a little and his hair was hanging down over his eyes. Jack reached over and brushed his hair from his eyes. His fingers lingered slightly on the younger man's cheek. Daniel moved slightly and fell against Jack's shoulder, Jack's arm slipping behind his back.

_*What the hell are you doing O'Neill? You're touching a guy like he was…Gah, stop it!*_

Jack looked down at his friend who had curled up at his side. He was starting to panic,

_*What do I say if he wakes up? Okay breathe Jack. Move slowly and you can get out of this. Definitely too much wine, never drinking wine again!*_

Jack moved slowly but steadily and managed to get off the couch without waking Daniel. He went to the balcony and drew in some fresh air. His head was spinning but the cool spring air helped to slow his pounding chest.

_*Okay, that was weird, seriously, you don't go around touching people like that *especially* guys, especially guys who are your *best friend*. What was I thinking? You weren't thinking Jack, that's obvious. Why did I think that was a good Idea! What if he had woken up! Okay Jack, think logically, the movement was natural, you used to do it for Charlie all the time, his hair was almost the same as Daniel's, hair in your eyes is irritating. Yes, that's it, he reminded me of Charlie. Glad I got that sorted. Now…sleep.*_

Jack walked back inside and shut the balcony door. Daniel had curled up on the couch so Jack decided to leave him there. He went to his friend's room and got his pillow and blanket. Once the young man was set up for the night he grabbed some more blankets and fell asleep on the floor, his hand un-knowingly stretched out towards to couch.

* * *

When Daniel's alarm went off on Monday morning, he felt strangely cold. He had been in his apartment for twenty-four hours now so he was still getting used to the space and the freedom he had…he was also still getting used to being alone.

He had spent a year in the company of a tribe, with a wife and family and since coming back had stayed with Jack, he hadn't been on his own in a long time.

_*You did it before quite well, time to slip back into a routine.*_

Daniel got up and did some quick stretches before he realised he hadn't had any coffee yet,

_*Nope, can't do a thing without that.*_

He walked out of his room and found Jack sitting at his bench with a bowl of cereal in-front of him.

"Coffee's on Danny."  
"What are you doing here?"  
"Eating breakfast. What are you doing here?"  
"Well, it's my apartment."  
"Good point. We have an hour till we need to check in and now that you live further away we will need to leave sooner."

Daniel continued to stare at his friend trying to figure out why he was in his apartment at 630 in the morning. Jack glanced up from the paper and saw Daniel still standing in place, he got up and gave the young man a cup full of coffee.

"Drink up, it will all be okay."

Daniel turned around and took his coffee back into his room. He closed the door and took his first sip.

_*Okay, Jack is here…obviously got in somehow…hmm coffee. Okay figure it out later. I can't be mad at anyone who brings coffee.*_

Daniel got ready for the day and walked back into his living area, Jack was standing on the balcony waiting for him.

"Feel better?!"  
"How did you get in?"

Jack raised an eyebrow in response

"I got between West and East Germany and back again in one night with a target without being caught, an apartment door isn't exactly rocket science Daniel."  
"Good point."  
"Ready?"

The pair left the apartment and without thinking Daniel walked over to Jack's truck. Jack didn't say anything but happily opened the passenger side door.

Once they reached Cheyenne Mountain, Jack took off to find Sam while Daniel went to a meeting with his department.

Jack found Sam in the gym, working out with a few members of SG3.

"Carter; got a minute?"  
"Sir, how did Daniel's move go?"  
"Yeah it went smoothly."  
"Did he like his surprise?"  
"I think so. He was certainly a lot chattier that night…could have been the alcohol."

Sam raised an eyebrow but Jack just brushed it off

"That's beside the point. Got something to run past you, I may be completely mental but tell me what you think."

Jack outlined his idea and Sam blinked in surprise,

"What do you think?"  
"A bit…random Sir."  
"Could be fun, when was the last time you did something like that?"  
"Honestly Sir, I was about sixteen." Sam smiled  
"Do you think anyone else would go for it? I mean we can make it an SG1 thing…or maybe just see where it goes?"  
"It may work sir, but don't you think we're a bit old?"  
"Do you feel old Carter?"  
"For this, maybe Sir."  
"Okay, let me put it this way. If you had never done something like this before, like ever, would you want to?"  
"I guess."  
"And wouldn't you want your friends to join in?"  
"Sure. Okay I guess it would be fun Sir. Definitely something different."  
"Exactly!"  
"Sir, can I assume that we will be doing…missions…like this in the future?"  
"I'm working on it. So is this a yes or no?  
"I'll get back to you Sir, let me make a few enquiries."  
"Thanks Carter, let me know. Briefing at 0900."  
"Yes Sir."

Sam watched Jack go and thought about his request,

"Ladies? What do you think of this?"

That night Jack was sitting in his lounge eating some left over casserole, he was watching the latest episode of the Simpsons. He laughed at something Homer said and turned to the single seat next to him,

"Hey Dan…"

He stopped when he remembered that Daniel was currently sitting in an apartment across town. He had become so used to Daniel being around. He turned back to his show as the phone rang,

"O'Neill!"  
_"Jack, I'm starting to hear rumours that this little barbeque of yours turning into a rather large event. Want to tell me what's going on?"_  
"General, there's nothing to tell at this point. _*Carter must be asking around*_ But if something changes you will be the first to know."  
_"Don't go doing something that would get me in trouble, I still have to authorise everything Jack."_  
"Yes Sir, wouldn't dream of it."  
_"Colonel."_  
"General?"  
_"We can't run this facility based on the wants of one man."_  
"I thought that's exactly how we ran it Sir. It's just a bit of fun, you do remember fun don't you Sir?"  
_"Jack!"_ Hammond spoke with warning in his tone.  
"Sorry Sir, yes of course you remember, epitome of fun Sir."  
_"See that you remember that Colonel."_

Jack hung up from his commanding officer and smiled _*He's in. Maybe I should drop Daniel's name, he always seems to give him anything he wants…don't we all.*_

It was still early so Jack decided to go for a quick walk. He liked his neighbourhood and with Spring in swing, the days were getting a bit longer.

Jack locked up the house and started walking. He alternated between a walk and a jog,

_*Gotta keep my fitness levels up*_

Jack kept walking and half an hour later he found he was standing outside Daniel's apartment.

_*What are you doing here Jack! Let him alone! You're like a bloody stalker.*_

Jack continued walking and a few minutes later he stopped in a park. He sat down on a bench and put his head in his hands,

_*And to think there was a time you didn't even want him on your team! Now you can't let him out of your sight. He's a grown man Jack, and whilst you may be friends you can't spend every minute of the day with him. Get a life.*_

"Jack?"

Jack spun around and faced Daniel; the younger man's arms were folded across his chest,

"What are you doing here?"  
"I came for a walk."  
"That's a long walk Jack."  
"Yes, it is isn't it."  
"What are you doing here?"  
"I honestly don't know." Jack sighed  
"Were you following me?  
"Nope."  
"Jack?"  
"Daniel?"  
"Jack?"  
"I seriously only came out for a walk. I wanted to walk around the block and I found myself here. I don't know why okay, I was just trying to figure that out myself."  
"I'm fine Jack."  
"I know you are."  
"I moved out."  
"Yes I know that, I helped remember."  
"Jack I appreciate what you've done for me but I have to do this! I have to be on my own. You can't keep me on a short leash."  
"I'm not keeping you on anything Daniel."

Jack's voice was rising in volume and intensity as was Daniels.

"Look I came for a walk and I ended up here. Yes I miss having you in the house, it's too quiet and I didn't like it so I decided to get some fresh air. Is that Illegal now?"  
"No of course not! But Jack you keep showing up, I can't…I mean I don't understand why. It's ridiculous. I'm not going anywhere; I had every right to move out. We see each other every day at work. I know you've been investigating me. I don't understand what you want from me." Daniel shouted  
"I want you to be safe." Jack shouted back  
"I *AM* safe! I'm not a child Jack; I can take care of myself! Seriously, what's the worst that can happen?"  
"You could *Die!*"  
"I'm not going to…"  
"YOU ALREADY HAVE DANIEL! Not 5 days ago you were *dead*! D.E.A.D."  
"Well so were you! But guess what, we're alive now. And let me tell you, it's not an experience I plan to go through again okay."  
"I couldn't protect you."  
"No one asked you to Jack. "  
"It's my Job Danny. I'm your leader, your friend, your…"

Jack stopped short and Daniel stared at him,

"I'm what Jack?"  
"You're my Best Friend Danny."  
"That doesn't mean you need to protect me. I've never had someone look out for me before and I've done okay."  
"That's just it Daniel, you've done *okay*. You should have done more than just okay."  
"Why does it always come back to this? So I had a sucky childhood, I got through it. I got through the Foster system on my own; I got through College on my own. I survived and I'm pretty sure I'll be able to get through being an adult on my own. You don't need to treat me like I'm 10 Jack. I'm not Charlie."

Jack stared at Daniel for a moment before turning and walking away.

"JACK!"

Daniel watched his friend retreat down the street. He had been so mad to see Jack sitting in the park that he had forgotten the reason he was outside on his own little trip around the neighbourhood. He had missed Jack. He was annoyed to find him there that morning after breaking in but that night he had been alone and he had automatically made enough dinner for two and even served a second place setting.

He missed the company, he missed the smart-ass remarks; he missed his friend.

As much as Daniel was mad at Jack for not letting him be, he was mad at himself for relying on that company.

Daniel walked into his apartment and after taking a quick look around he grabbed his keys and drove over to Jack's home.

He arrived before Jack did so he used his key and went inside. Seeing Jack's bowl of almost un-touched food sitting on the bench, Daniel made a quick call out for Pizza and settled in to wait.

Twenty minutes later Jack walked through the door. He didn't seem surprised to find Daniel sitting on his lounge.

"Danny I'm sorry. You were right."  
"Yeah well so were you."  
"Daniel, I had a great childhood. My mum and dad were amazing people, I had so many great experiences and I wish that everyone could have lived like I did. Daniel I just want that same life for you but I can't give that to you, and I hate that. I know you never asked me to but Daniel I *want* to protect you, I want to keep you safe. And yeah I've been checking up on your past, and I'm sorry, but how you are now as an adult has been affected by your childhood.

"Daniel you are so strong, and I don't mean physically although you are definitely showing improvement there. But you are a happy person, in most situations, and you aren't afraid to say what you think. You always put others first and you care.

"Look, I wanted an easy life, after Abydos I wanted to retire and live happily in my bachelor pad. I had friends but I was happy in my own company, just me and the stars _*and Charlie*_. When we came to get you and I brought you back here, I had no intention of growing attached, but I did. You became my friend, my best friend and I came to rely on that. But that also means that I worry about you, I worry about all my friends. In two years I have lost my Charlie, Sara and Kawalski. That's a big number on a very small list. I couldn't stand to lose you to. So yeah, I want to protect you for purely selfish reasons and I'm not sorry about that.

"I am sorry for not giving you space, for not letting go. I don't mean to hover; I just…didn't expect you to bring this out. So I'm sorry, I will do better. I'll even let you go from SG1 if you like."

Daniel took in Jack's words in silence. He paced the area in front of the TV for a while, weighing up Jack's words in his mind

"Jack, you were right as well. You are the leader of our team, one I plan to stay in by the way, and your job in that role is to be a lookout for all of us and make sure we're safe. That didn't happen a few days ago and I think that's what some of this is about. You are my best friend, and I guess that's not something I know too much about. Up until now my best friends have been either trying to steal my job, or my girlfriend…anyway, I have never had someone look out for me before for just being me. I'm not used to it, and I have to say it scared me.

"Jack, I can't attach myself to people. Whenever I do I end up hurt, or they end up hurt. I promised myself I wouldn't attach myself to anyone, not even in friendship. I could be a colleague or an acquaintance but never a friend. Then I met you, and Sam and Teal'c. And I found myself relying on your friendship. I knew I had to get out before something happened and I was pushed out."

Tears were running down Daniel's face,

"Jack I don't want you looking any more into my past, It's not a fun experience and there are things there I don't want you to know *because* you are my friend. If there's something you want to know then ask and I might tell you, but please understand if I don't tell you it's because I don't want our friendship to be affected.

"I need you to trust that I will be okay. If I ever need anything I*will* call. We proved tonight that in the worst case scenario I am in walking distance. Trust that I will be okay, can you do that?"

Jack nodded and stood up, for once not caring. He grabbed Daniel and pulled him into a tight hug. Daniel didn't resist.

"Geeze Danny, I'm so sorry. I will stop looking I promise, just do me a favour and trust me that there is nothing you can say about your past that will have me running. Danny, if you knew even a fraction of what I had done…Just promise me that you will ask for help if you need it."  
"I promise."

Jack pulled back at the sound of the doorbell. He went over and opened the door to find a very large pizza in the hands of a very young delivery driver.

"I didn't order this!"  
"I did, you didn't eat your dinner Jack."

Jack chuckled and went to get his wallet. After the boy had gone Jack sat on the couch and opened the box.

"Want some?"  
"No thanks, I'm going to go."  
"Are you sure?"  
"Yeah, I think it's a good idea. I'll see you in the morning okay?"  
"Sure thing. Thanks Danny."  
"Trust me Jack."  
"I do, more than you know."

Daniel walked to the door and fiddled with his keys.

"Two things Jack."  
"Yeah?"  
"I was thinking, maybe we could do something on Saturday? I haven't had a chance to see Denver properly yet, and I'm out of coffee. Maybe we could go and see Ellie for lunch?"  
"I like you're style Dr Jackson. What's the second?"  
"You know how I asked if you were compiling a list? You know, of things I haven't done?"  
"Yeah."  
"Were you joking?"  
"A little, why?"  
"I was uh, thinking you should work on it a bit."  
"I'll see what I can do."

Daniel smiled and left Jack to his dinner. _*Bring on Friday*_ Jack thought as he bit into his first slice.

* * *

Over the next few days Jack and Daniel passed their days in regular fashion, bantering, eating together and hiding each other's things. But at night they split and each headed to their own homes.

At the SGC, there was constant talk of Friday's barbeque and every person Daniel walked past seemed to be quite excited about it. If truth be told, he was getting excited about it as well. It was such a normal thing in their little ab-normal world that the whole concept was bordering on ridiculous.

Jack was running around like a two year old making sure everyone had something to do. He may have taken charge but this was a team event and no-one was left out.

Daniel realised Jack was up to something when he came around a corner and saw Jack speaking to Sam and Siler. Their conversation ended abruptly and all three just smiled as he passed. Daniel heard their conversation pick up again when he was a little further away.

For his own part, Daniel was trying to make sure everyone knew what would happen to Jack if his precious Stargate was hurt in any way. He knew no one was intimidated by him but he hoped if he spoke about it enough, people would take a little more care.

Friday afternoon came around soon enough and Daniel went to go and help Janet as requested. The last team was due back at 5pm so they couldn't do much until then but they wanted to make sure everything was ready to go after SG8 returned.

Daniel noticed that General Hammond was in a strangely jovial mood. He had called Jack into his office that morning and Daniel had heard on the grape vine that the tone had been very loud. He also heard that Jack had only said one word in response and the General backed down. He wondered what Jack had said to calm him down.

As Daniel was finishing up in his office for the day, Teal'c knocked on his door.

Teal'c and Daniel still had a hesitant friendship, it wasn't that Daniel blamed Teal'c for anything, but he had personally picked Sha'ra to be Ra's consort. Teal'c had apologised for that but there was still some obvious distance between the two.

"Hey Teal'c, what's up?"  
"DanielJackson, I was hoping we could speak."  
"What's on your mind?"  
"I wish to know more about this Bar-B-Que that everyone is speaking about."  
"Oh, Jack didn't explain it?"  
"He said it would be fun."  
"Yeah, that's helpful."  
"I have done some research and I believe it involves cooking meat on a very hot plate."  
"Yeah that's pretty much it."  
"But this is how most of earth prepares their meals, on a regular basis. I am confused."  
"Well the idea barbeque is more of a social gathering. People gather to eat a common food source and you enjoy being together. We most commonly have them on holidays."  
"I am not aware of any holiday today."  
"There isn't one; sometimes people will have a barbeque simply for the experience. People tend to enjoy them."  
"You do not seem so sure DanielJackson."  
"Well honestly Teal'c, I have never been able to enjoy one."  
"Then this will be something we can share together."

* * *

Daniel stood at the top of the ramp under the Stargate which had been covered in a white sheet. He looked around at all the personnel who had come. The room did hold most of the SGC but they had opened the blast doors as well and people were also milling around upstairs.

"Having fun?" Jack walked up the ramp  
"Actually I am. This was a good idea Jack.  
"Of course it was!"  
"DANIELJACKSON, HAVE YOU TRIED THE WARM CANINE?"

Daniel burst out laughing at Teal'c question. The Jaffa was clearly enjoying himself.

"It's called a Hot Dog! And yeah, I have!" he called back, "What have you been teaching him Jack!"  
"Ahh, he'll get it eventually. The more he interacts with the staff the better he'll get. We still on for tomorrow?"

Daniel looked at his friend, his face hesitant.

"That still okay?"  
"Of course it is Daniel. I've spoken to Ellie, we'll have lunch and take a trip around the city. It'll be fun."  
"After all this fun tonight, I may not want any fun tomorrow."  
"You can never have too much fun Daniel. Look at Teal'c, he's overdosing on fun as we speak. Even Hammond has come out of his office."  
"Hammond is coming here." Daniel pointed out.

General Hammond was walking up the ramp towards the two men,

"Hello General…have you ever walked up this ramp Sir?"  
"Not yet Jack, I figured I should see what all the fuss was about."  
"Well, Welcome General. It's good to have you here."

Hammond ignored his 2IC and concentrated on the other member of their party,

"How did your move go Dr Jackson?"  
"It was good Sir, it's uh…good to get my own space."  
"I bet, I must say you put up with Jack a whole lot longer than I expected. Well Done."  
"Thank you Sir."  
"Hang on now General, I'll have you know I'm a fun guy to be around."  
"And this is the evidence. Well done Jack."  
"I do try."  
"Excuse me."

Daniel smiled and walked down the ramp to where the drinks were being held. General Hammond watched him go,

"I've never seen him laugh like that Jack."  
"Well the Big Guy can be pretty funny."  
"Yes he can, but you know that's not what I'm talking about."  
"He'll be okay General. We all will be."  
"I think I believe you Jack, just…"  
"I know, I'll look after him."  
"See that you do. I'm going home Jack, remember what we spoke about."  
"No proof we were here, you haven't seen anything, you don't know a thing."  
"See you Monday Jack."

General Hammond left, chatting with a few more people before going. Once he had gone Jack stood in the middle of the ramp and signalled to Sam.

"Okay everyone!"

The crowd settled down and looked over at Jack,

"I don't want to interrupt your fun but as most of you know, we decided to make this little shindig an all-night event. We have the SGC to ourselves till 6am, in an hour we'll put the movie on, popcorn will be available from the briefing room and adult beverages can be obtained from wherever you can find them. The only rule is that there must be no evidence we were here! And from what I hear if we wreck any artefacts Dr Jackson will personally lock out your dialling codes next time you go through."

Jack smiled as everyone laughed.

"Have fun kids!"

As he finished up, music began to blare over the speaker system. Jack ran down to Daniel,

"Time to Party Danny-Boy."  
"What's this all about Jack? I don't get it."  
"It's a sleep over!"  
"Oh, I don't think I've…Oh my God, Jack did you organise this for me?"  
"Officially for everyone. Honestly I thought we would be making this an SG1 thing, but once Carter spread the rumours, people jumped on board. Something about re-living their youth."  
"And Hammond went for it?"  
"Well that took some convincing. Officially I'm in charge tonight, Hammond's gone home."  
"So if anything happens…"  
"He doesn't know anything, he was never here and I get re-assigned to Antarctica."  
"I hear it's nice."  
"I don't want to find out. Anyway, we have all the key ingredients, Dinner, movie, alcohol. I have wine in my office, I'll get it later."  
"Jack you really didn't have to do any of this."  
"I know, I wanted to. Remember, I've got a list. Now go and have fun, I see a whole group of nurses over there who won't stop staring your way."  
"Jaaack!"

Daniel rolled his eyes but obliged, mainly because Janet was in the group. Sam walked over, drink in hand,

"Looks like people went for it Sir."  
"I told you! You're never too old to have a good time."  
"So how did you get the General to agree?"  
"Oh, it wasn't that hard. He's a big softie."  
"I doubt anyone else could have persuaded him. Seriously, what did you say?"

Jack just grinned and went to join in the party.

* * *

General Hammond snuck out of one of the VIP rooms it was 0400. He hadn't left the base the previous night, it wasn't that he was worried about Jack's plan; it was more that he was the leader of the SGC and he had his entire staff on base – he wasn't going anywhere.

He quietly walked the silent halls of his command, every now and then he would glance in an open doorway but each time it would be empty.

Eventually he made his way to the control room. There were people everywhere, sleeping bags and blankets were covering most of the floor and the table. He couldn't help but let out a chuckle, the scene reminded him of the few nights his daughter had sleepovers.

He made his way carefully to the observation window and looked down into the Gate Room. A few brave souls had camped out on the cold floor (It looked like the infirmary was missing some mattresses); but his eyes weren't looking at them. Lying under the Stargate, SG1 were all together. Teal'c was leaning against the railing with Carter opposite, lying on the ramp. Jack and Daniel were both leaning against the Iris, shoulders touching. There was a bottle of wine next to Daniel and a bottle of beer next to Jack. The General noticed that Jack's lips were moving and Daniel grinned in response.

_*They're still awake*_

The General watched his flagship team for a few more minutes before retreating to his office, happy that even with everything going on, SG1 were still together, looking after everyone.

"I can't believe we stayed up all night." Daniel murmured. He wasn't ridiculously tired but he also didn't want to wake anyone else.  
"You've pulled plenty of all-nighters." Jack responded  
"Yes, but I was always working. I haven't done anything like this before."  
"I still find that hard to believe, you went to two different universities."  
"Three actually, but I never bothered with Parties. I'm glad we did this."  
"So you had fun?"  
"Yeah, thanks Jack. For everything."  
"Stop thanking me Danny, I had just as much fun as you."

Daniel opened his eyes and looked around. Teal'c and Sam had been asleep for a few hours. The rest of the SGC had dropped off throughout the night.

"Do you think the General will let us do this again?"  
"I'm sure I can persuade him."  
"What did you say to him Jack? Everyone was talking about that tonight."  
"Were they?"  
"Oh come on, you know they were. So what did you say?"

Jack looked at his friend and bumped his shoulder,

"Daniel."  
"Jack?"  
"That's what I said…Daniel."  
"You said my name?"  
"You would be amazed how well it works."  
"I don't understand."  
"He was going on about the OH&S aspects of my plan and what would happen if there was an emergency. I said it was for a good cause, you."  
"Jack I…don't know what to say."  
"Make the most of it because I don't know how many times it will work."  
"Probably never again."

The Pair fell silent for a while. They had talked for most of the night with Sam and Teal'c and eventually, just between themselves.

"You can't go to these extremes every time you know."  
"I know."  
"But I appreciate the thought."  
"Happy to oblige."  
"So what's next on your list?" Daniel asked  
"You'll have to wait and see."

Daniel thought about all the conversations he and Jack had shared over the past week, he had opened up more than ever and he felt that maybe one day, he really could open up to Jack…maybe."

"Your list might grow. Could take a while."  
"One by one Danny."

Jack smiled at thought of all the things he would once again have an excuse to do,

"One by one."

**The End**

_For Now_


	6. Dear Diary

Dear Diary

**Author: **Midnyteblue  
**Pairing: **Jack/Daniel friendship (Almost Slash)  
**Rating: **PG13  
**Spoilers: **Stargate - Brief Candle (Major) and Thors Hammer (Minor)  
**Summery: **Daniel writes in his Journal  
**Disclaimer: **Not mine, never have been or will be. Inspired VERY loosly on 'Dear Diary' by Britney Spears.  
**Notes: **There are no actual lyrics in this one, just lots of thoughts.

* * *

Daniel was sitting in his apartment with his CD player gently crooning in the background. His diary was open on the couch next to him.

It had been a long month and he was taking the time to write in his Journal. His professional one was up to date but his personal one had been lacking. In fact he hadn't made an entry since just after the 'Staff Sleepover' as the event had been called.

Of all the things that had happened in the past few months at the SGC, that had been the most bizarre, but it had also been the most fun, people were still talking about it.

He picked up his glass of wine and flicked back a number of pages to re-read what he had written.

_April 15, 1997 - _

'_I think one of the things I love the most about the Stargate is that we never know what culture we're going to walk in on I mean it's obviously not limited to the Egyptian culture, The Argosians were rooted in Greek mythology. _

_Even what I get to do varies by wide degrees, I mean I got to deliver a baby, there is nothing compared to the feeling of new life. I think it's funny that my illustrious military trained team mates didn't have a clue how to deliver a baby. I would have thought that was part of their basic medical training. Anyway, Jack seemed impressed.'_

Daniel took a sip of wine as he contemplated his friend. Since Daniel had moved out of Jack's home last month, the two of them had been re-negotiating the lines of their friendship. Jack had this constant need to make sure Daniel was okay; A need which in the first week of Daniel being in his apartment had Jack showing up at all hours of the day and night. The reasons stemmed from Jack's own insecurities about protecting the people he cared for, an aspect he felt he was lacking in.

Daniel had assured him that he wasn't going anywhere and eventually Jack had let him do his own thing. The problem was that wasn't exactly what Daniel wanted. He had missed the company of the older man enough that he had suggested a day out only a few days after his big move. That had resulted in a standing invitation on whichever day off SG1 was granted. It was just assumed the two would be doing something.

The two had also started having dinner together one or two nights a week, always alternating, one night would be at Jack's place and the next at Daniel's. Daniel always cooked as it was something he enjoyed and Jack would help in the clean-up.

Daniel was enjoying his own space, as it meant he could be himself, but he also enjoyed Jack's liveliness. He had fun when the two were together and the thought of losing that completely was not something either of the two men wanted to consider.

_*Almost did though*_

_Kynthia was lovely, I mean they all were. Victoria's Secret models the lot of them. Jack certainly took a liking, I wish he hadn't. I guess it helps me see where he stands. I am such an idiot to even consider the possibility that…I never want to eat cake again._

_To see him so willingly follow her, after all we've seen! I mean we joke all the time about dating and we both kind of agree that it's just not the right time. Jack says he may never date again, I doubt that's the case, he may have been married and I know he still loves Sara, but I'm sure that one day someone will catch his eye…I just can't believe it was Kynthia._

_It doesn't surprise me that she wanted him, even later she was still attracted to him. I still can't believe what happened. Jack seemed a little embarrassed about what he had done, I mean who wouldn't. For some reason he didn't want to look at me, I don't know why. It was almost as if he couldn't face me. He promised me once he would never judge me on what I had done in my past, while I still don't believe that because he doesn't know what I've done, I know that deep down I can't judge him on this. It still hurts though. Sam thought the whole thing was hilarious; I guess she just sees it as her CO not being the leader for once. I'm surprised Jack and Sam haven't…Sam says she isn't interested and Jack just sees her as his team mate. Still It wouldn't surprise me if deep down there was something there. That would be interesting._

The knowledge that Jack had willingly slept with Kynthia had Daniel split down the middle. On one hand he thought it was just as funny as Sam, Colonel Jack O'Neill; Special Op's extraordinaire was undone by cake. On the other hand, he felt sick.

What was worse was that Jack didn't seem to remember exactly what had happened, and he wasn't too impressed that he had been drugged.

***

'_100 days, imagine a party lasting 100 days. That's three months! I bet the whole thing took Jack back to the Sixties. I'll have to ask him about that. He certainly wasn't happy when he woke up, one of the first things he did was send me away, back to the temple. I know I shouldn't be taking it personally but I can't seem to help it. There was something in his tone and I'm not sure who he was angrier at, me or him._

_I guess out of all of us, I was the best suited to look at the temple, it was really fascinating and it didn't take me long to get involved in it. Artefacts are so much easier to deal with than people. Good thing I became an Archaeologist._

_I have to say, as an Archaeologist the things we're discovering are amazing. As a Linguist, I can claim the same. Text's we've never been able to decipher before I can now read clear as day, although I am a little annoyed that Teal'c didn't think to tell me he knew what we were reading. Still I guess that comes with any cultural barrier._

_It's kind of upsetting that no one will ever know what I know, never know I'm right. Oh well, I know and I guess that's all that matters. Still one day I would like to be able to walk into a room of my peers and not be laughed at.'_

Daniel sighed and got up to stretch his legs. His apartment was starting to fill with various artefacts he didn't want Area 51 to get their hands on, as well as some he had procured from various digs.

He had to be careful what he put out in case anyone ever came over who didn't know about the Stargate. The chances of that happening were incredibly remote as he had lost contact with most of his former associates. In fact he was sure the only person who might visit was Sarah, and he wasn't about to go down that path just yet.

There was no way he could see that the Stargate would ever become public, not in the foreseeable future anyway so he would just have to deal with the fact that he was right and everyone else thought he was an idiot.

There was a convention coming up in October that he wanted to attend and had in fact already applied for the leave, but he was unsure if he could get up the courage to attend. He had been out of the circle for nearly two years and the last time he had seen most of the people he was sure would be attending was before even that. He would have to see how he felt closer to the event.

Daniel jumped as the phone rang,

"Hello?"  
"Let me in will ya?"  
"What do you say?"  
"Daniel!"  
"Yes Jack?"  
"Daniel I swear, will you *please* open this door!"

Daniel grinned as he turned the handle to let the bellowing Colonel into his apartment,

"Where's your key?"  
"Left it at home." Jack exclaimed as he walked inside holding two pizza boxes.

Daniel had given Jack a key to the apartment in case of emergencies. It was more used so that Jack didn't have to break in.

"I didn't know you were coming over." Daniel noted as he shut the door.  
"Yeah I was bored. Pizza?"  
"I have the choice?" Daniel questioned dryly  
"Of course you do!" Jack sounded shocked, "Plenty of choice. There's this very large Peperoni or this very large Meat Lovers."  
"BBQ Sauce?"  
"Yeahsureyoubetcha."  
"Well okay then."

Daniel went to collect some plates and grabbed a beer for Jack from his fridge. He only kept them on hand for Jack as he didn't drink the stuff himself, much preferring wine.

"So, what were your plans for this lovely evening before I so rudely brought dinner? Were you even going to eat?"  
"Of course I was…I'm not quite sure what but I would have eaten."  
"Yeah right."

Jack was pretty sure Daniel only ate when he was in the room, the rest of the time living off Caffeine and Power Bars.

"Well I wouldn't call this food Jack."  
"Dinner of Champions, nothing beats it."  
"Vegetables? Vitamins and Minerals essential to the body's natural function?"  
"Over-rated."

Daniel shook his head but willingly took a slice. He was hungry and he knew he shouldn't be drinking wine on an empty stomach. In truth he most likely wouldn't have thought about dinner till it was late and by then he would just not have bothered.

Jack and Daniel continued talking late into the night. Eventually Daniel couldn't contain his yawns anymore,

"Go to bed Danny, I'll clean up and let myself out."  
"Alright, night Jack."  
"See you tomorrow."

Jack continued to sit for a few minutes before getting up to clear their dinner. He washed their plates and put the trash bag by the door to take out with him. He went to get his Jacket and keys in avertedly knocking Daniel's Journal to the floor.

Jack knew it was his friends personal Diary from the colour. Jack picked it up and put it on the coffee table. His hand lingered over the book for a few seconds but he resisted the urge to take a peek. It wouldn't be the first time but he was also trying to respect Daniel's request not to pry. He had been in the middle of a full-blown fact finding mission when the request came and since then he had been trying to do as asked.

Jack left with the trash bag in hand; his mind flicked to Daniel's diary a few times wondering what was going on in the depths of his friend's mind.

_April 16, 1997 _

_It's amazing how advanced some of the cultures we encounter are. I mean the Argosians are most certainly not advanced but the Goul'd are. The ability to speed up the human life span is incredible. I mean it's horrible that the Argosians were essentially guinna pigs but the ability to do that is fascinating._

_When I realised the virus was spread through bodily contact I almost died…okay not literally but I knew Jack was in danger because he had passed out with the rest of them and let me say I did not feel that great. Jack infected by an alien vires that speeds up the aging process! It's pretty much worse case scenario! I mean he was already older than any of the Argosians so I figured that would mean he would probably age faster than any of them. Sometimes I hate being right._

_Janet kind of confirmed my theory. I don't want to admit how much the idea of Jack dying hurts. The thought of him getting old WAY before he is meant to... Jack's so full of life; nothing seems to slow him down. He's always watching out for us and I couldn't think of a way to return the favour. I mean some people may think of Jack as old, but he isn't. His theory is that you're only as old as you let yourself become. I think he gets that theory from him mum. I spoke to her for the first time the other day and boy did she remind me of Jack, full of laughter, sarcasm…life!_

_Jack sent me away again. I mean yes I agreed that the translation of the tablet was crucial but the idea of leaving Jack with…her. Sam was insistent on staying too but I didn't put up much of a fight. I mean I have no right to, it's not as if we're…He's my friend. He wouldn't even let me say goodbye."_

Daniel sighed as he sipped his coffee. It was a dreary spring morning in Colorado, It had started raining overnight and he didn't see it letting up any time soon. Daniel loved and hated the rain for his own reasons and right now, thinking back he felt like curling up in a ball with a blanket over his head and waiting till the sun came out again. Jack had pushed him away. It wasn't the first time he had done it but this time it had hurt more. He hadn't wanted to leave, he never wanted to leave.

It was even getting harder to say goodbye when he left Jack's house after one of their days out. He knew Jack would happily let him stay over but he had set the rules and he couldn't break them now. No matter what.

"_Jack told me what he had told Kynthia, about how you can't love someone after one day. I mean I guess I get her point of view, if you're only going to be around 100 days then a day is essentially a year. Jack apologised when he told me, it took me a while to figure out why, as he said It Sam looked at me. I think they were talking about Sha'ra, but I didn't love her after a day. I was attracted sure; I mean it had been nearly a year since Sarah. But I didn't love her, that took time and I'm pretty sure the love I felt for her in the end wasn't huge. I mean I loved…love her, but I don't *love her*. How the heck does anyone understand me? I can definitely say now that I won't be going back to Abydos with Sha'ra, What I feel for her is nothing compared with…"_

Daniel stopped himself. It may have been his personal Journal that he was writing in but he knew Jack occasionally looked at it. He didn't need all his thoughts in print.

"_Jack apparently explained that the average human life expectancy was sixty to seventy years, Now I don't know about him but I fully plan to live much beyond that. Jack also told her he was Forty. Nice try there Jack, I know the truth. Okay so you weren't far off, I'll let it slide this once."_

Daniel knew what Jack's real age was, he had done his own digging in the personnel files when he had found out Jack was looking at his.

"_I don't know why he cares, he isn't that old. Now if he was eighty then that would be cause for concern. He didn't look so great at eighty, still had his wits about him though. The day that goes then I'll know there's a problem."_

Daniel got up to stretch his legs. He knew that Jack had a hard time dealing with what had happened on the Argosian world. No one wanted to think about getting old let alone experience it at an increased rate. As for him he hadn't liked seeing it. Daniel had enough on his plate without dealing with an old guy. One of those in his life was enough.

_*Don't think about Nick.*_

Daniel put the kettle on to boil and thought about the planet. Jack had told him that during the time alone he had tried and failed to write a letter to Sarah and also to himself. Daniel was glad that he never had the chance to read his letter (apparently Jack had burned it) the ramblings of a friend close to death were not something he wanted to experience. Still he was curious as to what he had written. Jack had said he spent a lot of time thinking about his past, the rights and wrongs, ups and downs. On their first night back Jack had kind of slipped away, not answering any calls or messages. Daniel was going to go over but he had the feeling Jack needed space, something he could respect.

The next morning Daniel had woken to the smell of cooking bacon and he knew everything would be okay. Jack would talk when he wanted to.

"_The General stopped us working on the blood and tissue samples we had brought back. I made my case but I'm pretty sure I was talking to a brick wall. When he told me Jack would be left behind I walked out. He called me back but I didn't care. He had essentially killed the man I…was friends with. I couldn't look at him. I have a great deal of respect for General Hammond but at that moment I couldn't guarantee I would remain diplomatic._

_I walked calmly out of the briefing room but before too long I was running. I made it to an access hatch and got inside. I had no intention of climbing to the surface but I also knew it would be the last place anyone would look for me. I needed to be alone._

_The thought of Jack being abandoned brought back my own feelings of abandonment. My Parents, school, work. I know it's not the same but it kind of is. I couldn't leave him there but I had no choice. After an hour I got out and went to see the General._

_Hammond wasn't mad, in fact he seemed to feel the same way I did except he had an entire planet to consider, not just one man. He said he would allow us to send Jack anything he needed; he just wouldn't allow any person to go through. _

_Sam had the idea that we send Jack a message via video. Not the ideal way of course but the only way we knew._

_I'm not good at goodbyes._

Daniel put down his pen, locked up and walked out the door. He liked walking, it cleared his head, even in the rain. Saying goodbye to Jack had been difficult. He had wanted to send his own message but didn't have the courage to make the request. Even now he found he was upset at the thought. It had been three weeks since that day and even though he knew Jack was okay, alive and kicking even, the memory of that night still haunted him.

He had recorded the message and then practically ran from the SGC. He had driven the forty minutes to Jack's home and without permission, gone and sat on the deck. He didn't know why but he was drawn to it.

The deck was where the pair had spent a lot of time whilst they were living together and since Daniel's big move they had spent many afternoons just enjoying a drink and chatting about nothing. That was how their bi-weekly meals had come into existence. Pizza on the deck.

This night however there was no Pizza, no beer, and no company except for the stars. Daniel sat in front of the telescope and pointed it in the direction he knew Jack would be.

Daniel had fallen asleep right there on the deck. His mind thousands of light years away. He had hoped that somehow he would be able to reach Jack, he just wasn't sure how.

He had been awoken by a gentle shaking of his shoulder; Sam had come to get him. He didn't ask how she had known where he was, all he heard were the words "All we have to do". No matter what, those words always meant some sort of Carter Magic was about to happen.

Daniel kept walking, his mind on the events of weeks past. He glanced up as he walked past Jack's home. He didn't want to go in, not in his present frame of mind. Jack would automatically know something was wrong and there was no way Daniel was ready for that conversation.

Jack's house was roughly an hour's walk from Daniel's house (a ten minute drive). Surprisingly Daniel had made the trip a few times. He had even jogged it in under forty minutes. Jack had also made the trip once or twice. Daniel saw it as a good day out, a way to give his brain space to breathe. He had made many important decisions during his walking trips, decisions that couldn't be made if he was confined to a room.

He continued walking to the end of the street before turning around and heading back, taking a different route for a change of scenery.

He was glad the General had let them go back through the Stargate, he was also glad they had worn Hazmat suits. If nothing else it shielded his face from view while he took stock of Jack. Daniel didn't know what was more upsetting, seeing Jack in his aged state or knowing that he himself was still young.

He had been glad the effects had simply worn off, he was also glad Jack had taken a stand to convince the Argosians that their God wasn't real. Daniel laughed,

_*Trust Jack to inadvertently save the day*_

Daniel got back to his apartment, dried off and sat back down on the lounge. He was almost caught up on his Journal and he really wanted to finish before SG1's next mission the following afternoon. The problem was he had never had to be careful what he wrote in his Journal before because there was no way anyone would ever touch it. Now he wasn't so sure. He should have been angry at Jack for reading what was essentially his soul in ink, but for some reason he found it comforting. Someone cared enough to…care.

Daniel sat for over thirty minutes before deciding what to do. He picked up his Journal and continued.

"_I'm pretty sure that after everything Jack had a bit of a soft spot for Kynthia. I mean he told her he would return. Now I'm officially putting on record that there is no way that is ever going to happen! I'll do whatever I have to do to make sure Jack never steps foot on that Planet again. Well if nothing else I know he's attracted to people in their early thirties so I guess that's a win._

_Thankfully Sam's calculations were off and it only took five days for Jack to return to normal…well whatever normal is for Jack. I have to say, he's going to look amazing in a few years. So maybe eighty is overkill but fifty and sixty are definitely going to be good to him. Lucky guy, I only hope I age as well as he's going to."_

_*Subtle, yeah, subtle works.*_

Daniel grinned and closed his Journal. It had been a long day and he still needed to do a bit of research for the briefing the next morning. He also needed sleep. He was on SG1, who knew what the next mission would bring.

_April 29, 1997_

"_I don't know what to say."_

Jack stood in the door frame of Daniel's office. He didn't know what to say to the young man. In the last 24 hours Daniel had destroyed what seemed to be the only hope out there for Sha'ra and Skar'a.

Thor's Hammer was an incredible device. And Kendra was proof that a host could come out the other side alive. She was also proof that it took an incredibly advanced piece of Alien technology to do it, not something the good ol' earthlings had lying around.

Daniel had been pretty quiet since coming back from Cimmeria, not that Jack blamed him. They'd had some pretty in depth conversations about Sha'ra and what they would do when they found her, and the hammer had seemed like the solution.

The strength that Daniel showed in destroying the device was amazing. It proved to everyone that Daniel Jackson could be relied upon to do what had to be done. Jack just wished it hadn't been Daniel. Of all people who had to take that shot, why him.

He knew the reasons why, but after everything else he was a little upset at the universe for dealing his friend another blow.

Daniel was staring at his Journal; pen in hand but there was no movement. Daniel had shut down. Until he got out what he needed to Jack wasn't going to interfere. He quietly closed the door and sunk down to the floor.

SG1 had been given the rest of the afternoon off and were due to report back in the morning for their next mission. Jack didn't care what people would think, he wasn't going anywhere until his friend was okay.

"_The hammer was exactly what we were looking for. The means to extract a Goul'd from its host without killing the host; the means to save Sha'ra and Skar'a. And I had to choose, I had to choose between my wife and brother-in-law and Teal'c. How the hell was I meant to choose! I love Sha'ra and I want to get that snake out of her…but it's Teal'c. _

_Teal'c and I haven't had the smoothest relationship, what with him carting Sha'ra off in the first place but…It's Teal'c. I'm so numb."_

Daniel got up and paced his office. He had seen Jack standing in the doorway but had chosen to ignore him. It wasn't personal but he couldn't deal with anything at the moment. He was pretty sure Jack understood because he had closed the previously open door.

He glanced up at the security cameras that were in his office. Most of the offices now had surveillance equipment in them because of an incident a few months before where Daniel had been injured. He appreciated the knowledge that someone was keeping an eye on things but at moments like this he hated the system. He wanted scream and shout; lash out at something in an attempt to curb his frustration. Daniel wasn't a violent man but there were times when screaming into a pillow helped.

He lent his head against the cool of his office door and slid down to sit against it. As soon as he did he felt comforted. He didn't know why but siting there against the door made him feel better. He sat for nearly two hours before getting up to retrieve his Journal. He automatically resumed his position against the door, taking in the comfort it offered.

"_I think the reason that I'm so torn up about all this is that I have absolutely no idea what I'm feeling most of the time anyway. I mean I know what I'm feeling but those feelings are so screwed up…Linguist of the year award goes to…maybe I'll start with Sha'ra._

_Everyone expects me to be dying inside because my wife is missing. I hurt, every day I hurt because I miss her so much. Her smile, her laugh, her beauty; I miss her more than I can stand some days. But I don't miss my wife. How horrible is that to say. I miss the woman who Sha'ra was, the women you fell over laughing when I first tried to make bread. She was my companion, my wife; I love her, as my companion and confidant. But I don't love her as my wife, and I don't think I ever really did. I had been a year since I'd been with Sarah and I craved the companionship of another person, but looking back that person should never have been Sha'ra. I should never have stayed and put her through what I did. I will always love her and I want to fix what I did but I can never lover her the way she loved me_

_When Teal'c joined SG1 I couldn't say anything. I was surprised General Hammond let me live considering what I had done, there was no way I was going to push my luck. I saw the sense in it, I suppose, He was a warrior with detailed knowledge of the enemy. Funnily enough my problem with Teal'c wasn't what had happened to Sha'ra…okay that was a big part of it, but I was more concerned that he had switched sides so easily, how much would it take for him to switch back. He scared me._

_He doesn't scare me so much anymore, well at least no more than any of the other military personnel with a weapon. Jack's been teaching me on the side so I can handle a weapon much better now. I still have mixed feelings about Teal'c, I don't know how I can change that but he has proven himself time and time again. He was willing to stay behind in Cimmeria because he knew he had been a part of why I'm no longer with Sha'ra. Jack made sense though, Teal'c was there and Sha'ra wasn't. There was nothing I could have done, I wasn't going to leave Teal'c behind but the admission from Teal'c was what got through. _

_I think I'm going to have to deal with Teal'c on a more personal level. I'm not quite sure how, maybe I should just start a conversation with him. We'll have to wait and see. Jack I think would be happy if I made the effort. Teal'c has tried; I really should return the gesture."_

Daniel put down his pen and stretched a little. His back cracked back into place and his muscles felt relief. He looked back over his words, knowing what was coming he felt scared. He leant his head back against the door once again drawing comfort from the coolness of the metal. He had to get everything out before it ate away at him further. He just couldn't risk it being seen.

"Promise me you won't read my journal anymore." Daniel called out. After a slight pause he heard the reply,  
"I won't."

Daniel nodded and continued his entry

_I think with everything else that's going on my main problem is with Jack. If I could just get my head around Jack then everything else might fall into place._

_Loving someone who doesn't love you back is one of the hardest things a person can do. It eats at you, consumes you, and makes everything else seem hopeless. I'm worried that this is what I've done to Sha'ra and I hope one day she will be able to forgive me._

_I think she knew before I did. From day one she was wary of Jack and she really didn't like me talking about him, thankfully Skar'a couldn't get enough. I have no idea when I first fell in love with Colonel Jonathan 'Jack' O'Neill but I do know that with each day I'm around him the feelings I have grow. I do know I admitted it to myself not too long after coming back from Abydos. I was staying with him then, it was only a few days before my arm broke. I was so mad at myself, I'd promised myself I would never fall for a man, I didn't want to disappoint my parents memory any more. _

_I would never call myself gay…maybe not even Bi-Sexual, I don't know. I've never really had feelings for another man before. I mean there was Greg, but I can't think about Greg. I do know that what I feel for Jack is well beyond what I felt for Amy and Sarah, definitely beyond what I felt for Sha'ra._

_What makes matters worse is that I know he can never know. I've tried to get away from him, I wanted to resign but Hammond talked me out of that one. I told him to stay away, that was never going to happen. I finally managed to move out but even that hasn't helped because we still see each other not only at work but on our down time as well. And I can't bring myself to stop it._

_He say's I'm his best friend. Well that won't be the case if he ever finds out what I feel…what I've done. I've never told anyone about…that part of my past. I promised my mum and dad that I would find a lovely woman to settle down with, and I tried. I did! Amy and I were almost engaged and Sarah could have been just as close, except by then my academic future was circling the drain and we both knew she wasn't going to follow me._

_Why the hell did it have to be Jack! He's so kind and caring; he seems to care about me although I know that's just the friend thing. But he has to be the straightest guy I know!_

_When he smiles I melt, every time he orders Thai as well as Pizza I melt, every word he says causes me to melt. I have no idea how I'm not a puddle._

_I've managed this long just being friends, I think the reason why I'm having issues now is that I've admitted it. I'm such an idiot. What kind of guy falls for his best friend!_

Daniel got up and went to his desk, on it was a picture of Sha'ra and next to that was a picture of SG1 at the BBQ earlier in the month. He looked so out of place. But he loved the photo; he was sitting next to Jack with Sam and Teal'c on either side. They were leaning against the Stargate laughing at something, Daniel couldn't remember what. He wasn't sure who had taken the photo except that one day it had shown up on his desk. Whoever took it he was glad for.

The photo was a reminder of a carefree moment, there was no Goul'd, no war, no one actually except for the four of them. His friends.

"My friends. That's the point isn't it? They're my friends. Teal'c is my friend, Sam is my friend. Jack is my friend…and that's all he can ever be."

Daniel knew there was no way his feelings would disappear, but he couldn't put any of this back on Jack. It wasn't his fault. Somehow though Jack was happy being his friend, and Daniel couldn't take that blindly.

Someone like Jack was rare, a hard Air Force Colonel, black-ops trained who actually gave a krap.

_*I don't deserve his friendship. But somehow I have it*_

Daniel put pen to paper one more time.

_"Colonel Jack O'Neill is my best friend, and I'm grateful for that. I don't think I would have lasted long here without his friendship. His friendship is something I can have, something I can claim. It's the next best thing to love._

_I'll never tell him, I couldn't burden him with that. What I can do is keep going with how we have been, be content that he cares on some level. Look out for him when I can and be around when he needs it. _

_I knew he was sitting outside my door, I don't know how but I knew he wouldn't leave till he knew I was okay. That's friendship. _

_It's something I've never had; My connection with Jack is different to my friendship with Sam and hopefully my friendship with Teal'c. It's stronger and I won't lose that. _

_I'm thankful for what happened on Cimmeria, If nothing else it's made me realise what I have now, and whatever I may have in the future doesn't matter because now is good."_

Daniel closed his diary and grabbed his Jacket. He opened the door carefully so Jack wouldn't fall inwards.

"Hey." Jack looked up  
"Hey."  
"So I'm kinda hungry. Dinner?"  
"Sure…let's get pizza."

Jack grinned and got to his feet,

"I made you eat Pizza the other night, Thai!"  
"I had Thai the night before that…Steak?"

Jack glanced at his watch and grimaced,

"It's 2339, I doubt O'Mally's is open. Mc Donalds?"  
"Ugh, the Com is better than that."  
"I wouldn't go that far Daniel. What about Taco Bell?"  
"At least they have green in their meals…actual green."

Jack and Daniel continued their debate all the way to the top of the mountain. The few personnel who crossed their paths jumped to attention and saluted which neither man seemed to see. They even got a few smiles as people took in their obvious friendship.

They may not have known it but seeing the pair together was something the people of Stargate Command had come to rely on, a constant. And for now at least, all was well.

**The End**


	7. 21 Guns

**21 Guns**

**Author: **Midnyteblue  
**Pairing: **Jack/Daniel friendship (Almost Slash)  
**Rating: **PG13  
**Spoilers: **Stargate - Fire and Water (Major)  
**Summery: **When Daniel dies, how will Jack get through?  
**Disclaimer: **Not mine, never have been or will be. Song 21 Guns by Greenday - Great song

* * *

Jack looked around as the gate room came into view. He was having issues breathing and his head was spinning. He wanted to throw up.

He vaguely became aware of Janet running towards them, she reached Carter first, he couldn't hear what she said, but then Teal'c started speaking. He said something about Fire…he used to like fire…fire was warm, and he was cold; so cold. He couldn't stop shaking and when a nurse came up beside him he looked up at his Commander, he knew he had to say the words aloud. Until he did he wouldn't accept them...couldn't accept them.

"Daniel's dead Sir."

Jack sunk to the ground the minute the words were out of his mouth, he was vaguely aware of Sam crying near him but he didn't have the energy to comfort her, he couldn't breathe. He didn't care about the personnel in the room with him, didn't care what they thought about him looking like he was. Daniel was dead and there was nothing he could have done to stop it. Daniel was dead…

He felt a tugging on his arm which he tried to brush away but after some insistence he looked up to find Teal'c standing over him,

"O'Neill, we must move from here."  
"Why?"

Daniel was dead, why did he have to go anywhere?

He stood slowly and followed his friend out of the gate room. No one went near them, everyone watched in stunned silence as the flagship team walked out of the room. Once they left there was a dull buzz as people began whispering to each other wondering what had happened.

Jack didn't remember walking to the infirmary, he didn't remember sitting on a bed, his jacket being removed. The first sign of consciousness he showed was when Janet shone a light into his eye. He remembered it hurting.

"We can do this after the debriefing…or tomorrow?" Janet spoke quietly,  
"Thank you." Jack told her, his voice devoid of emotion  
"Okay." Janet walked away.  
"Thank you" He repeated to the empty space.

He looked around the infirmary and saw Carter sitting on her bed crying, even Teal'c looked pained; an impressive feat for someone with no facial expressions. Slowly Jack got up and walked over to Sam's bedside. He stood next to her and put an arm out to touch her shoulder. Sam blinked and fell into his arms.

The situation left Jack numb. What Sam was doing was wrong, un-military, emotional…and Jack didn't care. He was having issues maintaining composure as it was. He had to, there was no choice. But that didn't mean he expected his team to. Daniel was Sam's friend too, they were quite close. She had every right to cry.

The General had given them two hours to compose themselves before the de-briefing. They were to go in separately, Something Jack was grateful for. He got Teal'c to go first as he was the most composed, Sam next and then himself last.

When he was sure Sam was okay he left the infirmary and took the elevator to his office on level twenty. He didn't even notice when he automatically pressed level 18, nor did he take much notice of getting out on level 18 and heading towards Daniel's office. He opened the door and stood in the entrance.

_*He was here only six hours ago. How could he go like that? How could he die?*_

Jack walked over to Daniel's desk and sat in his friends' chair. The thought that Daniel would never be coming back started to overwhelm him.

He had lost team mates before, he'd lost friends. Heck he had lost a son. But this seemed different. Somehow this was not the same.

_*Daniel is dead. Daniel is dead. Daniel is dead.*_

The thought kept running through his mind, a mantra that he kept repeating so he would believe it. For some reason although he was saying the words he could not accept them.

_*I saw it. He died right in front of me! Fire…*_

Jack picked up a random object on Daniel's desk and started playing with it. Moving the object between his hands had a calming effect, at least to the point that it gave Jack something to focus on.

_*I couldn't go back, He was gone. Burned…fire…*_ "Oh God!"

Jack reached down for the trashcan and promptly threw up. He wiped his mouth and was startled to find his face was wet, tears pouring from his eyes.

_*Danny…gone.*_

Jack put his head on his arms and let himself go. He felt sick, angry, hurt, you name it he felt it. His best friend was gone and he hadn't protected him. He had done nothing…he had left him behind. Jack sat up quickly and threw the object he had been holding hard against the wall, it hit a tapestry and fell onto a chair. Jack blinked and got up to retrieve the object. It was the sphere Daniel had been given by a member of his staff; it was glowing a shade of blue that had Jack thinking about his friend,

_*His eyes, Danny's eyes were that colour…krap what have I done!*_

He picked up the quartz sphere and cradled it in his hands. It glowed brighter as he held it.

_*I'm sorry Danny, I'm so so sorry. I left you and now I'm destroying your things. You're dead. Daniel is dead.*_

Jack put the object back on Daniel's desk and looked at the photo it had been sitting next to. It was a photo from the BBQ he had organised a few months before. He recognised it from the way his team was sitting; it wasn't every day he sat against the Iris that protected their planet.

Daniel looked so happy. His hair was hanging down slightly over his glasses and he was laughing. Sam was also smiling as Jack was talking. Teal'c even had a raised eyebrow so he was probably amused. Jack stared at his friend, it was a rare thing to see him smile but at that moment, somehow Jack had managed it.

The object they were sitting against was part of what had made the younger man smile. Daniel was first and foremost an Archaeologist, an explorer and he was sitting against man kind's greatest discovery, the wonder of which floored him every time he looked at it.

Jack thought back to the first time Daniel had seen the gate. Catherine was so excited about showing it to him; she had been fighting for Daniel to see the device since before he had even gained clearance. As the blast door had opened Daniel's eyes widened and his mouth dropped. The wonder in his eyes had floored Jack, they had shone. Jack knew in that instant that Daniel was not a happy man, but he could be. His eyes were shadows but they could light up. And Jack wanted to make it happen.

He stared at the globe sitting back in its place. The blue of the orb was the same blue he had seen in his dreams since, the same blue he had painted his walls at home, the same blue that looked at him with trust every day since Daniel had come home from Abydos.

A knock at the door jolted him from his reverie,

"Sir, General Hammond is ready for you now."

Jack nodded and looked at the sphere again, his mind screaming at him not to do what he had to do.

* * *

"Come in Jack."

General Hammond held the door open to the briefing room. Once Jack was inside he closed and locked it,

"I want as much privacy for you as possible Jack." He explained as he did so.

Jack noted that Janet was there as well but aside from acknowledging her existence he couldn't find the words to do more. He sat down and answered the General's questions as best he could. Every word was spoken in a monotone, no emotion or feeling. Jack had learnt to shut down emotionally a long time ago and at this moment those skills were coming in handy.

"We'll send a team through to recover the body." Hammond told him softly.  
"No Sir! It's too…volatile Sir. The whole area was very unstable."

Jack couldn't believe what he had just said. He felt a headache coming on the more he thought about it. He wanted nothing more than to go back to the planet and get Daniel. He wanted to bring his friend home.

_*Home…Daniel won't ever come home again…he was my home.*_

Jack's chest began to restrict again but recognising the signs he closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He opened his eyes as Hammond started speaking again,

"It's a hard thing to lose a member of your team. I have been through it myself, If there's anything I…"  
"Yes Sir." Jack interrupted, he didn't want to hear it.  
"Dismissed."

Jack unlocked the door and walked away,

_*There's nothing you could do. Nothing I could do, it should have been me.*_

Jack went and changed out of his BDU's. He wanted to get out of the mountain as soon as possible. He was stopped briefly by Hammond who informed him that he had seven days down time but he would be needed back in two for Daniel's memorial service. Jack didn't say a word; he walked off and left without further disruptions.

He drove from the mountain barely looking where he was going. At one point he looked down and noticed he was travelling over a hundred miles an hour. He slammed on the breaks and came to a skidding halt only a few meters from the edge of a cliff. The road ran down the mountain side, he was breathing heavily as he looked out the windscreen at the lights of Colorado. He got out of his car and walked to the edge of the cliff, leaning on the barricade that separated the road from the cliff face.

He knew what was coming, he would somehow make it through the next seven days, he would go to the memorial service at the mountain in full dress uniform…Daniel deserved as much…there would be the wake and five days later he would return to work and it would be like nothing happened. His life would continue and occasionally he would think of the man who had once been his best friend. The man who he fought for.

"NO!"

Jack pushed himself back and kicked out at the barricade. His foot connected and it hurt. Jack registered the pain and made contact with the metal again, and again. Eventually he calmed down enough to get back in his car and drive home.

* * *

Jack walked around his home in a daze. Everywhere he looked he found little things that reminded him of Daniel; A book, an artifact, the coffee pot. He put the kettle on and grabbed the container that held the coffee beans. He made himself a large cup and went out to the deck. Jack wasn't a huge coffee drinker but right then it was all he wanted.

Jack sat outside with his telescope all night. It was a cool night but he didn't notice. His mind kept replaying the events that had led to this moment,

_*Daniel was ahead of me, everything looked fine. Fire came out of the ground where he was standing, right there, all around him. It was hot, so hot. I couldn't get near him, He called out…"Colonel! Help me!" Fire, it engulfed him. He was gone. Hot, so hot. Tried to get to him but couldn't. Daniel is dead*_

Jack wrapped his arms around his knees and stared up into the sky,

_*Why him, why now! Why did you have to take him? He's gone like Charlie, except this time there's no one to bring me back. I don't want to come back. I want it all to end. I can't lose anyone else. I can't do it again*_

Right there under the stars he loved so much, Jack gave up.

_Do you know what's worth fighting for  
when it's not worth dying for  
does it take your breath away  
and you feel yourself suffocating_

* * *

"Colonel? Colonel are you home?"

Janet walked around the side of Jack's home. His car was in the drive so she was pretty sure he was there but he hadn't answered the door. She had spoken a few times with Daniel about how much he liked Jack's deck so she was hedging a bet Jack would be there.

She climbed the stairs to find Jack sitting in the corner against the wall of the house. He had his legs drawn up and his eyes were glazed.

"Colonel?"

Janet went over and knelt down beside him. Getting no reaction she reached out to touch his arm. Jack blinked in response but made no other movement.

"Colonel, do you want to come inside with me? It's cold out here."

Janet laid a hand on his forehead and frowned at the warmth she felt. It wasn't quite a fever but considering how cold it was she didn't want Jack outside any longer.

"Colonel…Jack?"

Jack eventually turned to her, his eyes wide. Janet had seen that look before; it wasn't one she ever wanted to see in anyone's eyes. It spoke of loss, pain, despair, Jack had given up hope.

"Colonel, I really need you to come with me okay? We're going inside, and I'm going to give you something to help you sleep."  
"Why?"

Tears sprung to Janet's eyes as Jack spoke. She was feeling a deep sense of loss herself but it didn't come close to the depth of emotion that Jack's one word portrayed.

"Because I can't lose you too."

Janet put her arm through Jack's and managed to coax him to his feet. Jack felt numb, He didn't care that a member of the SGC was seeing him like he was. Let them talk; let them say what they liked.

Jack followed Janet into the house and she led him to the couch. She noticed he was limping, she gently took his shoe off and frowned at the bruising on and around his toes.

"Can you tell me what happened?" She asked softly,  
"I kicked a pole."  
"Okay, can you tell me why?"  
"It hurt…It's good to feel."  
"Okay Colonel, It doesn't look broken but I'm going to strap your big toe anyway. Then I'm going to give you something which will help you sleep tonight okay?"  
"Sure, whatever."

Janet went to her car and retrieved her First Aid kit. After she had strapped his foot she followed him upstairs where she gave him a sedative. Within minutes he was out. Janet covered him with a blanket and went downstairs.

It was quite late as she had already taken Sam home and made sure she was okay, it had been a gut instinct to check on Jack. She was quite concerned for him, His reaction wasn't just a leader mourning a team mate, it went much deeper. Jack and Daniel had been best friends, something she didn't quite understand but at the same time she did. They were completely opposite from each other in every way but somehow the friendship made sense and she had seen Jack's softer side come out as their friendship grew.

Janet sat down on the couch and looked around her; it wasn't the first time she had been at Jack's home. Only a few weeks ago she and Sam had been invited over for dinner along with Catherine and the recently returned Ernest Littlefield. She smiled as she remembered trying to explain some of the things that had happened in the fifty years since Ernest had disappeared. Daniel had been so enthusiastic he didn't realise Jack had been sneaking small amounts of whisky into his coke. By the end of the night Daniel had definitely been in a happy place.

Janet found she was crying as she continued to recall memories of the young Archaeologist.

"What are we going to do without you Daniel?" She spoke to the empty room. Janet got up to go making a metal note to check on Jack on her way to the Mountain in the morning.

* * *

Jack opened his eyes and groaned. His head was pounding and he felt heavy, every move was an effort. He couldn't quite remember what had happened the night before but he was sure it had either been something very bad or something very good.

_*Shower, I need a shower. Why is my toe bandaged?*_

Jack made his way into the bathroom and turned the water to as hot as he could. There was something he was supposed to remember but for some reason he couldn't put his finger on it, He finished his shower and went to get some breakfast. Jack stretched and opened the cupboard and reached for a box of cereal, as he brought it down his eyes flickered to the container containing the coffee beans.

"Oh my God…"

The box dropped from his hand and cereal spilled across the floor. Jack reached a trembling hand towards the container as the events of the day before came flooding back,

"Oh…Daniel."

Once the words were out Jack knew it was real. He remembered everything including a visit from Janet the night before, which at least cleared up the mystery of his bandaged toe.

Jack looked down at the spilt cereal and simply walked away, he wasn't as hungry as he had thought. Jack grabbed his keys and walked out the door.

Jack drove around Colorado Springs for close to two hours, he had no goal in mind and in fact he wasn't even too sure where he had driven. Eventually he pulled up outside Daniel's apartment. He sat outside for a few moments before letting himself in.

Inside he looked around at the artifacts Daniel had collected over the years. Items from Egypt, Mexico, India as well as a few objects from places that simply had designations spit out by a computer.

Jack wandered through the apartment, his eyes at one point coming to rest on his friends Journal. He picked it up instinctively and started to open it,

_#*You Promised*#_

Jack snapped the pages shut as Daniel's voice floated through his mind. He looked down at the brown leather binding that held his friends thoughts and feelings. He thought back to a time only a few weeks ago when Daniel had been struggling with some personal issues, the end result had been Daniel's request that he not read his journal any more. He hadn't been angry; it was a simple acknowledgement of fact that Jack had admitted to by promising not to do it again. Daniel had a personal space inside that Journal that the world was not privileged enough to know, and that world included Jack. His best friend may have died but he didn't want to break his trust all the same.

Jack put the Journal back down and wandered into the kitchen. He was starting to feel a bit hungry which wasn't surprising considering he hadn't wanted breakfast. He got out the ingredients for a sandwich as well as a glass of water and took his lunch to the sofa.

Jack sat back and ate, his thoughts focused on memories of his friend. His mind ran continuously between anger, grief and confusion with a few detours every now and then into depression. Jack knew exactly what was going on, he had experienced it before but this time it was different. He hadn't just lost a friend; he had lost a best friend, someone he cared about…more than he should.

Jack shook his head to try and clear it from the thoughts running through it. He got up again to go to the bathroom but instead turned into the opposite doorway; Daniel's bed room.

He sat down on the bed and found himself curled up on his side. He didn't have the strength to move. He knew it was grief weighing him down but he didn't want to analyse it, he didn't even want to feel it but if it came to a choice he would rather embrace it than ignore it. At least if he took it in, he could feel something.

Jack wasn't sure how long he stared at the wall of Daniel's room. He finally made it to the bathroom but he just ended up exactly where he was once more. At one point he noticed the shadows getting longer on the wall but he didn't care. Time had no meaning.

"_So just a quick question…why are you on my bed?"  
__  
Jack jumped up as the familiar voice rang through his mind,_

"_What…Daniel?"  
"Um, yes…who else would I be?"_

Jack looked at his friend in shock. He walked around the bed and reached out a hand to touch the person in front of him. He leapt back as if he'd been zapped

"_Are you okay?"  
"I'm not sure…"_

_Jack pushed Daniel's shoulder a little harder to which Daniel pushed back,_

"_So…someone's having a few issues today."  
"Yeah, but I don't think it's me." Jack whispered._

_He went back to the bed and lay back down. He pressed his fingers into his eyes and opened them again._

"_You're still here." _

_It was a statement rather than a question, _

_"I am…and you're still on my bed. Want to tell me why?"  
"You're not here."  
"Okay, so where am I?"  
"I um…don't know…I'm confused. When did you get here?"  
"I've always been here."_

_Jack's mind flashed back to a conversation a few months before, one he'd had with an entity projecting the image of his son._

"_You're not here. It's…like before."  
"I am here, just like you are. I'm confused."  
"You and me both."_

_Jack sat up and faced his friend,_

"_I'm pretty sure I'm asleep."  
"Okay…so I'm just a dream, a figment of your imagination."  
"Pretty sure, yeah."  
"Well that's fine, except you still haven't told me why you're on my bed."  
"Well you know, comfort. It's soft."  
"Yes, care to elaborate further?"  
"I wanted to be here. I wanted to be near…you."  
"That's a bit sappy."  
"I think the occasion calls for it."  
"Okay."_

_Daniel came around the side of the bed and sat down. Jack felt the weight of the bed shift. He knew he was dreaming but at the same time it all felt real. _

"_I don't want to wake up Danny."  
"Well you're going to have to at some point. No choice there I'm afraid."  
"I don't want to. When I do you'll be gone."  
"What are you talking about, I'm always around. It's kind of a bad habit I guess, you know like a side effect of life."_

_Jack let out a laugh but even to him it sounded cold and distant._

"_Life, it's not worth much these days." "  
What are you talking about?"  
"What's the point of living if everything you care about is taken away?"  
"Jack, you're scaring me."  
"Maybe that's the point. I'm scared. Scared to live, scared to die…I can't take much more."_

Daniel grabbed his friends hand and forced him to look up,

"_Jack I don't know what's going on but I'm really not liking the way you're talking. You need to snap out of this. Seriously! What is going on?"  
_

_Jack looked into the bright blue eyes that were staring at him. The look of fear in them seemed to jolt him from the place his mind had gone,_

"_I can't take any more Danny."_

_Jack burst into tears and Daniel pulled him into a hug,_

"_Jeeze Jack, what's gotten into you? This isn't like you. What's happening? Where is all this coming from?"  
"I lost you Danny, and it hurts…so much more than it should. I don't understand why but it does. It's freaking tearing me apart! I can't function, it hurts to breathe and I don't know how to stop it."  
"You haven't lost me Jack, and I honestly don't see the big deal if you did, but my own insecurities aside, I'm right here. I haven't gone anywhere, I never have! So why the dramatics?"  
"Because you have gone, and I can't bring you back." _

_Jack pulled away and stalked out of the room _

_"Right."_

_Daniel waited a few moments before following. He stood in the doorway and watched as Jack paced the short length of his lounge room. Eventually he stopped and turned towards him,_

"_Okay, so you're here. Right here right now you're here. But what about tomorrow? Or the next day…what about in a year from now? Where will you be then? It won't be here. It won't be in this apartment. You can show up in my dream, that's fine but what about when I'm awake? What about our trip to Disneyland?"  
"We're planning a trip to Disneyland!?"  
"Not the point, what about all the things I'd planned for us to do that we can't."  
"But we can…I don't get what's going on!"  
"YOU DIED! You went away and you promised me you wouldn't. YOU PROMISED ME DANIEL!"  
"I'm not dead…Jack, what's going on?"  
"You are…you died right in front of me, just like Charlie. You were there and I couldn't save you, just like I couldn't save him."  
"Jack…"  
"I Can't Danny, I can't do this. I'm sorry."_

Jack woke up to the phone ringing. He groaned and reached over to the night stand not even registering he wasn't in his own bed,

"Hello?"  
_"__Sir…its Wednesday."_  
"Thanks for the update Carter."  
_"__It's 0700 Sir, I thought I should let you know."_  
"Thanks."

Jack hung up the phone and managed to pull himself into a seated position. He knew he looked a mess but that didn't matter. He had an hour to make himself presentable before he had to leave for the mountain. He looked once more around Daniel's empty apartment, took a deep breath and walked away.

_Does the pain weigh out the pride  
__And you look for a place to hide  
Did someone break your heart inside  
you're in ruins_

* * *

His mind kept replaying the dream, it was strange how real it had felt, and he'd woken up emotionally exhausted…as if he had really had an argument. His head was still pounding as he pulled up outside his home. He went inside and went through the motions of preparing for the day.

Once again he skipped breakfast; his stomach was churning too much to bother. In three hours he had to get up and speak on behalf of his team about a man who in the space of months had come to mean more to than anyone knew. How did you put Daniel Jackson into a box?

As he buttoned his Jacket and smoothed out the wrinkles he heard a knock at the door. He opened it find Janet standing in her dress uniform with an Airman standing beside a car out the front,

"What are you doing here?" Jack asked quietly.  
"We're getting a lift in today Colonel."  
"Why?"

Jack winced internally at the word. He seemed to be saying it a lot lately, but it seemed to fit.

"Because I think it's a good idea…and General Hammond insisted."  
"I'll be a few minutes."

Jack walked back inside but seeing as he hadn't shut the door on her, Janet took it as an invitation to follow him in.

"I came by yesterday but you weren't home."  
"Yeah…I was out."  
"I got that. How's your toe?"  
"It's fine."

Jack picked up his keys and hat and the pair walked back out the door. The Airman opened the door and both Jack and Janet got inside.

The trip to the mountain was a quiet one. Jack kept his gaze focused out the window and after a few tries Janet gave up trying to make small talk.

Once they got past security Jack made a beeline for his office leaving Janet alone in the elevator. She sighed and decided to go and inform General Hammond of their arrival. One thing she noted as she walked around the base was how quiet it was. Dying was an occupational hazard of their job but for some reason the death of Dr. Jackson seemed to have hit the personnel hard. She almost wished the whole thing was a joke and that Daniel was hiding somewhere so that he could see the impact his death was having on everyone. She knocked on General Hammond's door and quietly walked inside.

"Good Morning Doctor, I trust you got Colonel O'Neill here okay?"  
"Yes Sir, I think he's in his office."  
"Thank you, how is he doing?"  
"Not well Sir. I think this is going to take longer than we thought. He's not just upset Sir, I'd go as far as to say he is suffering depression."  
"His friend just died doctor, as hard as it is; this kind of thing is nothing new to Jack. He will get through it."  
"I hope you're right Sir, because at this stage I'm not so sure."

General Hammond nodded his dismissal and Janet left to go and make preparations. Hammond put his head in his hands and tried to get a bearing on his thoughts. He had a bit of a soft spot for Daniel Jackson and his sudden death had been felt across the entire base. He knew they would all move on but for his flagship team, the hole left by the young man would be felt for a long time. They needed closure and he wasn't sure how to give it to them.

Hammond got up and made his way to Jack's office. He knocked quietly and when he didn't get a response he opened the door,

"Colonel?"

Jack looked up and the General noticed his red eyes and tired expression,

"It's time."

Jack nodded and Hammond decided to leave him alone again, he would come when he was ready.

He assembled everyone in the gate room who had mentioned they would like to attend the ceremony, there were a fair few.

It took close to thirty minutes for Jack to appear but no one seemed to mind. When he walked into the gate room he was as composed as anyone had ever seen him. He was dressed immaculately in his Dress Blues, calm and strong. No one except his team knew the internal war that was raging inside him,

"Colonel."

Hammond indicated with a look that Jack should take the podium. Jack stood tall as he took the stage,

"Daniel Jackson made this place happen. As a member of SG-1, he was our voice, our conscious. He was a very courageous man. He was a good man. For those of us lucky enough to know him, he was also a friend."

Jack glanced briefly at his team mates, Sam was trying very hard not to lose it, and thankfully she seemed to be winning the battle. Teal'c stared straight ahead, his composure never shifting. Hammond held the same stance whilst Janet just kept staring at him.

_*She thinks I'm going to break. Too bad I'm already broken.*_

Jack watched as the flag was folded and placed into his hands. He knew that was how it worked when the departed had no family; the flag was given to the commanding officer. As Jack took it he knew that he wasn't just taking the flag out of duty, he was Daniel's friend…his family. Daniel was his family.

Jack took the flag and passed it over to Teal'c so he and Sam could place the wreath into the event horizon. Jack stared at the blue wall as he heard Hammond's words,

"We commend Daniel Jackson's spirit, to the Universe he opened up for us. I pledge to continue our journey of discovery in his memory. May he rest in peace."

Jack almost laughed. It sounded ridiculous to hear those words. Daniel couldn't be gone. He had spent two days convincing himself of the fact. He had felt the pain, the heat, then grief…but he still couldn't quite believe that Daniel wasn't going to come running through the door. With Charlie he had held the lifeless body; with Kawalski he had seen the proof. His brain knew Daniel was gone but a small part of him didn't want to accept it without proof. He felt a headache coming on.

Jack stepped back and saluted the Stargate as the wormhole disengaged. He turned back towards the room and once again took the flag from Teal'c grasp. He then led his team down the ramp to where the General was standing. Jack looked at him and gave a strained grin,

"Time to party Sir."  
"Your call Colonel."  
"Everyone is welcome back to my place." Jack spoke loudly.

He walked out of the Gateroom and headed down the hall, Sam and Teal'c followed closely behind.

_One, 21 guns  
__Lay down your arms, give up the fight  
__One, 21 guns  
__Throw up your arms into the sky,  
you and I_

* * *

Jack stood staring at the beer in his hand. As he watched the bubbles his mind flashed back to three days previous,

_#"Help! Jack! Help! Help!"#_

Jack put down the glass and ran outside away from everyone. There were quite a few people at his house yet somehow Jack found peace by the garage. He grabbed his hockey stick and net and set it up so he could take a few shots. He didn't want to keep remembering the moment he had let his friend down but for some reason he couldn't stop the memory from invading his thoughts. It sucked!

Jack swung the stick and the ball hit the side of the net causing it to fall over. Something inside Jack snapped, He raised the hockey stick and swung it at the first solid object he could find. His brain faintly registered the sound of breaking glass.

"Somebody get this damn car outta here!" He yelled.  
"Something on your mind Colonel?" General Hammond walked over to his 2IC, his eyes glancing briefly to the damaged car.  
"Retirement actually."

Jack knew as he said the words he meant them. He wasn't going back through the Stargate. His time was done.

"You don't mean that."  
"I think I do." _*I know I do, never again, not without Danny…I don't want to do anything without Danny…Why?*  
_"Well I can't let you do that. I've got an assignment for SG-1. Dr Jackson's apartment has to be cleaned out by Stargate personnel, National Security has said it, you're probably the closest thing he had to a family. It's not an order, it's a request."

The General looked at Jack and saw how lost he was

_*Maybe Dr Frasier is right. It's almost as if he lost a…they're family. That's all there is to it.*_

"Yes Sir."  
"Why don't you come join the others in the back?"  
"Yes Sir."

Jack followed on quietly,

"You know that's my car?"  
"You should get that window fixed."

Hammond shook his head and put his hand on Jack's shoulder as they headed around the back. He steered them in the direction of Sam and Teal'c who were standing on their own apart from everyone,

"We have a mission."  
"Now Sir?" Sam was surprised at Jack's words.  
"Go tomorrow, one thing at a time.."

General Hammond put a hand on Jack's shoulder and left the three team members on their own.

"What is this mission ColonelONeill?"  
"Cleaning out Daniel's apartment."  
"Does it have to be us Sir…I don't know if…"  
"It's not an order Captain. I'm the last person who would order you to do this. I'm happy to do it myself."

Sam walked away for a few minutes before coming back, her head high.

"I'll come Sir, I can't let you do that on your own."  
"As will I."  
"Okay."

Jack walked away, heading towards his deck. There were plenty of people on it but somehow he managed to get to his usual spot without interruption. There he sat for close to three hours, occasionally someone would come over and Jack would make the appropriate small talk but all in all he was left alone. He heard a few people talking about him and how he was dealing with it. Their words didn't surprise him, he was acting crazy. Like someone who had lost their partner.

Jack let the thought enter his mind and for the first time he didn't push it out. It was true, he couldn't deny it much longer, the way he felt about Daniel went beyond a simple friendship. What it was he couldn't define, he honestly didn't want to; the simple acknowledgement that Daniel meant more was all he could handle

_When you're at the end of the road  
__And you lost all sense of control  
__And your thoughts have taken their toll  
__When your mind breaks the spirit of your soul_

* * *

The next morning Sam and Teal'c met Jack at his home. Sam offered to drive them to Daniel's apartment and Jack was happy to let her, He wasn't in the right frame of mind to get them there safely.

At the apartment the three team mates kind of stood around not sure where to start. There was stuff everywhere and whilst Jack was used to it now that he was looking at it as things to pack up there seemed to be a whole lot more than normal.

This was the second time he'd had to pack up Daniel's apartment, at least the last time he knew the younger man had been alive and happy. This time he couldn't hold the same hope.

Sam picked up the Journal that Jack had left on the couch and she opened it to a random page. Hearing Daniel's words come from Sam's mouth made Jack angry. They weren't her words they were Daniels', no one should be speaking them but him. And Jack had made a promise,

"Come on, that's his diary, I mean what's he going to think if..."

Jack stopped short as the words he was saying registered. He had been telling himself Daniel was dead for three days but the more he spoke the words the crazier it sounded, like a word that seemed mis-spelt the more you looked at it.

"What are they going to do with all this stuff?" Sam queried  
"Maybe give it to a museum…or start one."

It was the first sarcastic comment Jack had made in three days. I just popped out but somehow it made him feel better, it was a normal reaction for him…as if nothing had changed. He heard Teal'c go on about some game he and Daniel had played but Jack was stuck on what he had said. He was beginning to feel that nothing had changed. But everything had changed, Daniel was gone.

_*Proof…where's the proof? There is no proof…I need proof.*_

Jack looked up in time to see Sam almost collapse in front of Daniel's fish tank. He moved the short distance to catch her,

"What?!" Sam was confused,  
"What? What is it? Are you alright?"

Jack was worried about Sam; she'd had a rough couple of days herself. If it was just catching up to her now then who knew what would happen.

"I just had this image in my mind, It's the second time." Sam told him.  
"What was it?"  
"Water, under." She breathed.

The image that had popped into Jack's mind over the past few days resurfaced. He knew what she had seen,

"Bubbles rising?"

Seeing Sam nod he frowned,

_*How can we both be having the same memory?*_  
"That is correct, I've experienced it as well."  
_*YES!*_ Jack's mind screamed, outwardly he was more composed, "I'm telling you something's wrong." He stated  
"Yeah, what's wrong here is that Daniel is dead." Sam spat.

She couldn't quite believe what Jack was inferring to. She was worried he was holding out hope when there was none.

"Is he?" Jack questioned. The thought gave him a headache  
"You were there, we were all there!" Sam motioned towards Teal'c who nodded his affirmation  
"Then why don't I believe it? I mean I keep expecting him to walk through the door! I keep getting these...screw this packing, let's get back to the base"

Sam's face screwed up almost in pain as she watched the hope appear in Jack's eyes. She knew this was a pointless exercise but maybe this would be the kick he needed to move on, maybe they all needed it. Proof.

Jack pretty much ran to the car and hopped from foot to foot impatiently as he waited for Sam and Teal'c to join him. He knew something was off, dream Daniel had been so insistent that he was alive, Jack should have listened then and there. Daniel was almost always right.

The more he thought about going back to the planet the more his head hurt. Infact he realised that his head had been hurting almost constantly since their return to Earth. It just got worse the more he thought about going back.

The drive back to Cheyenne Mountain was a quiet one, each team member was lost in their own thoughts, the only difference was while Jack was focusing on Daniel, Sam and Teal'c were focusing on Jack. They were concerned for his wellbeing

Sam -_*What's going to happen when he realises once and for all that Daniel is dead? How on earth is he going to cope?* _

Teal'c -_*ColonelO'Neill has lost many people in battle as all seasoned warriors do, why is this so much more troublesome for him? _

Jack -_*Please be right please be right please be right.*_

_Your faith walks on broken glass  
and the hangover doesn't pass  
Nothing's ever built to last  
you're in ruins_

* * *

Janet was surprised at Jack's request for a full brain scan to be done, it was no secret he got out of any and all medical tests whenever possible but never one to look a gift horse in the mouth she stopped what she was doing and obliged.

As she was explaining the results of the three scans to SG1 the klaxons blared and all three team members ran from the room. Not knowing what else to do she followed.

They watched as a member of SG6 walk back down the ramp and Janet watched her friends take a collective breath only to see them exhale sadly a moment later

"Colonel? Janet queried.

She wasn't sure what was going on but for a few moments Jack had displayed signs of life, something that had been severely lacking in the past few days.

"Welcome home SG-6, report for debriefing at 1600 hours." Walter spoke over the microphone; his confused expression was turned towards the flagship team. It didn't seem right to find them there without Dr Jackson present. He would have to get used to that.

"What are you looking for?" Janet asked Jack  
"I just, I thought…" Jack trailed off  
"Daniel Jackson was returning." Teal'c finished off for him  
"Oh my God, I thought the same thing. Why? Is he gone or isn't he?" Sam was almost crying in confusion  
"You saw it happen." Janet pointed out  
"Somebody want to tell me what the hell is going on, because I am starting to lose it here." _*Starting to lose it! I lost it four days ago!*_ Jack admitted to himself  
"Doctor?"

Everyone was looking at Janet, who couldn't believe the question they were asking her,

_*It has to be something to do with that spot!* _

She turned to her CO and tried to explain what was going on

"General Hammond, there seems to be some questions in their mind on whether or not Dr Jackson is dead."  
"You three were the only witnesses, if you are denying what you saw…"  
"No sir, I saw him die. We all did. I know he's gone. But I know he's still alive. Sir we have got to go back."

As soon as he said the words Jack's head seemed to split open, at least that's how it felt. The headache he had been experiencing was nothing compared to the hammer currently slamming its way into his skull.

"You're not going anywhere but the infirmary!" General Hammond concluded, "I want to know what's going on, Doctor. One of our people could still be out there."  
"Yes Sir."

Janet was determined to get to the bottom of what was going on, if there was a chance Daniel was still alive she was going to do everything she could to get him back.

As Hammond watched his team head back to the infirmary his spirits were lifted,

"Do you think Dr Jackson is still out there Sir?" Walter questioned.  
"I don't know, but if he is, God help the person who has him."  
"Yes Sir."

_One, 21 guns  
Lay down your arms, give up the fight  
One, 21 guns  
Throw up your arms into the sky,  
you and I_

* * *

Jack watched at Sam was put under hypnosis. He wasn't a big believer in stuff like that but even he had to admit there had been occasions where people had sworn it had worked. Sara had given up smoking the first time by hypnosis.

"He's burning!" Sam cried out

_*No, he's not!*_ Jack was sure now. "No. Go back further, you've just arrived. Now look around, and tell me where you are."

Mackenzie's voice was quite soft, steady and reassuring.

"Water." Sam replied  
"You're standing next to water?"  
"Salt water."

Jack's mind flashed and he remembered the scene Sam was talking about. The ocean had been blue, not as blue as Daniel's eyes but still,

_*Nothing is as blue as his eyes. So bright*_

Daniel had pointed to something out in the water, an alien creature that was coming directly towards them. He seemed friendly enough, not a fan of Teal'c but most weren't,

_*Their loss.*_

Daniel was happy he could translate the writing, but Jack wasn't as happy to see the creature pull a weapon. He vaguely remembered being strapped to a table and then he remembered swimming, but his heart wasn't in it. Teal'c was on the shore coaxing him forward and eventually he crawled onto the sand and they made their way to the Stargate…leaving Daniel behind.

_*Why?*  
_"My God, Colonel, we left him behind!"

Jack nodded, he felt dazed,

"I know."  
"We left him behind!"  
"It's all right. We're going back, we're going back."

Jack didn't wait to hear Hammonds command he got straight up and went to prepare to ship out.

"Colonel?"

Jack stopped as the General called out to him,

"It's been four days. There's a chance he isn't alive."  
"Sir, that sea monster wanted Daniel for a reason. He won't be dead."  
"You can't know that Jack."  
"General, Daniel was alive two nights ago...I'm sure of it."  
"Jack, three hours ago you swore to me he was dead, now you're telling me he was alive two days ago? I don't understand?"  
"I know General, and I do  
n't expect you to believe me. But I know he was alive yesterday, I'm one hundred per cent sure of it, and I will bring him home."  
"I hope you're right jack." "I will be."

Jack was firm in his resolve, He would be coming back with Daniel, there was no other option.

"You ship out in an hour." Hammond relented.

As he watched Jack run off he realised this would be it for him, his make or break moment. Jack had survived Iraq, he had survived The Cold War, he had even survived the death of his son but Hammond had a feeling he may not survive the death of Dr Jackson.

* * *

As Jack was changing he looked over at Daniel's locker. It was still as he had left it four days ago. Ordinarily it would have been cleaned out already but seeing as that job would have fallen to him as CO it hadn't been done. Jack opened the locker with his key (All SG1 had the same locker key) and reached inside for Daniel's Jacket.

It was the same as every other jacket assigned to SG teams, nothing special. Jack fingered the material and let his eyes run over the SG1 patch on the sleeve. The patch was what made this jacket so valuable. There were only three others in the universe and those three were currently being shouldered by his team. It had inadvertently been designed by Daniel and now that logo was being displayed all over the universe.

Jack felt a sense of pride when he looked at the patch. He was convinced now more than ever that Daniel was alive. He just couldn't accept the alternative. Daniel would not let the universe beat him.

Jack knew he would have to face some hard truths in the coming days, he wasn't one to ignore things for too long and he knew he was pushing some things down very very deep inside, mainly for his own good. He wasn't sure he could handle them. But until he could take the time to let everything out he had to be strong. He would bring back his friend and deal with the consequences later.

Sam stuck her head around the corner,

"Ready Colonel?"

Jack looked down at the jacket pushed it back into Daniel's locker.

"Let's go!"

_Did you try to live on your own  
when you burned down the house and home?  
Did you stand too close to the fire  
like a liar looking for forgiveness from a stone?_

* * *

SG1 stepped out on the beach from the Stargate. The first thing they all realised was the distinct lack of any fire, there was no evidence at all!

_*Well that's a start!* _

Jack was annoyed at the false memory that was slowly disappearing from his mind. As soon as he had stepped through the gate he had been able to recall more of what had actually happened instead of what they believed happened.

"Daniel?!" Jack called out *_He must be here somewhere.*_  
"Maybe we're too late?"  
"We're not leaving without him this time captain!"

Jack was holding his ground,

_*Dead or alive, Danny is coming home*_

Jack noticed Teal'c had suddenly tensed and his gun was pointing out to sea. Jack focused his gaze and saw the sea creature coming towards them. Jack raised his gun and was about to engage when a voice stopped him,

"DON'T SHOOT!"

Jack squinted in the glare and saw the behind the creature, coming out of the ocean was a very much alive Daniel. His heart skipped a beat as the Archaeologist swam to shore. Jack kept his gun trained on the alien in front of him but his eyes were sticking to his friend. He gave him a quick glance over and not seeing any obvious injuries he breathed a sigh of relief.

Daniel came up panting,

"Nem, you have your answer, now let us go."

_*That thing has a name! I want to kick his scaly butt!* _

Jack's heart rate was returning to normal but his anger levels were rising the more he looked at the thing that had messed with his mind.

"You may go." Nem responded,

_*Not much choice there bud.*_

"I'm sorry I couldn't give you the answer you wanted." Daniel sounded almost sad as he conversed with Nem,

_*Typical, only Daniel could feel sorry for this guy…creature…thing.*_

"I am sorry also."

_*Not as sorry as you're going to be if we don't get out of here soon.*_

"We could still become friends, your people and mine?"

_*Not a chance in hell Daniel!*_

"That's why we were here, we meant no harm."

_*Not helping Sam, I want him gone so I can make sure Danny is okay. McKenzie could have a field day with me right now!*_

"Perhaps in time." Nem responded,

_*Not my time! We are never coming back here.*_

"Right."

_*Oh, now he sounds defeated. Great, I've spent four days beating myself up and Daniel is unhappy he hasn't made a new friend. I'm going to kill him*_

"And in time Daniel, you will find what fate Sha'ra."

_*This thing knows about Sha'ra? What did they do have a good ol' chat over tea and biscuits?*_

Jack didn't say a word as Nem turned around and walked back into the ocean. When he was gone they walked over to Daniel. Jack noted he was starting to shiver slightly and he wished he had packed the jacket.

"Ahh, this is a long story."

_*Long doesn't quite cover it Daniel. I just want to hug you, maybe not the best time.*_

"Yeah I bet!" Sam was grinning; jack could feel happiness radiating off her.  
"Tell us about it over Sushi!" Jack quipped

Daniel glanced at his friend and shook his head,

"That's funny. I will, after I go get some sleep."

_*You and me both* _

Jack was having mixed emotions as he and Daniel conversed. A part of him was happy and content that he was okay, another part of him was freaking out and never wanted to let Daniel out of his sight again.

"Ah...home...yeah about that apartment…" Jack hesitated, he wanted to get a rise out of his friend, wanted to know that things were okay. He was still feeling bad

"Oh you didn't!" Daniel stopped in unbelief.  
"The day after the memorial service." Sam confirmed with a grin.  
"Memorial service?" Daniel felt faint _*He didn't…*_  
"The Colonel, said some really nice things!" Sam affirmed before walking ahead  
"He, he did. He did?"

Jack slowed back a little and patted him on the back,

"It was beautiful really. The whole SGC came out to say goodbye. But really the wake was my favourite."  
"Okay, now I know you're joking."

Jack stopped walking and Daniel turned back towards him,

"What's wrong? You were joking right?"  
"Don't ever die on me again Danny."

Jack's voice caught but he managed to cough and he pressed on ahead toward the Stargate,

"You're not joking." Daniel was stunned. He was only gone for a day…when did they have time for all of that?

He caught up as Sam started to dial Earth,

"It is good to find you alive DanielJackson. ColonelO'Neill was worried." Teal'c intoned,  
"We all were." Sam agreed.

Daniel looked at Jack who just looked at the ground. As the Stargate engaged the four teammates walked through together. On the other side Daniel found a very full gate room. Most of his staff was there as well as a few Airmen and Marines. Janet and General Hammond were both standing with Walter and Siler. The look of relief on everyone's faces floored him. Hammond broke out into a huge smile when their eyes met and Janet came running down the stairs.

"Well Done SG1. Report to the infirmary as soon as you're changed. We'll de-brief at 1500 hours"

Daniel made his way through the crowd behind Teal'c and Sam. Jack was behind him but he seemed in no real hurry to follow. He watched as Janet came running up and after giving him a quick look over she rushed to Jack's side. In fact quite a few people including the General seemed to be watching him closely.

Once they made it to the infirmary Janet gave him a much more thorough examination including a full brain scan which he wasn't expecting. Sam and Teal'c seemed quite happy to go along with it so he didn't think to question the procedure.

"Well you're doing remarkably well for a dead man Dr Jackson."  
"Thank you, I think. I don't get it, everyone really thought I was dead?"  
"They sure did."  
"I was only gone for a day! That's jumping to conclusions isn't it?"  
"A day? Is that really how long you think you were gone?"  
"Well, yeah. How long…"  
"This is day five Daniel."  
"WHAT!"  
"It's been five days since you disappeared."  
"And no one thought to come and look for me? They just accepted it?"

Daniel was a little upset that not only had five days passed but that everyone had just assumed he was dead,

"That's not what was happening Daniel." Janet knew she was being stern with the young man but she wanted him to know the truth, "SG1 had a false memory implanted in their minds that you had died. With that also came a trigger that would cause them intense pain if they thought about going back to try and find you."

"Oh."

Daniel didn't quite know what to say. It felt strange to be hanging around people who thought he was dead.

_*I knew though, I knew Jack thought I was dead. That dream…*_

"The Colonel has taken it especially hard." Janet told him quietly.  
"I wonder why?"

Janet looked at him sharply but seeing only confusion she was surprised,

"He's your friend Daniel. I've never seen  
him like that before. I've been really worried about him."  
"It's Jack, he can get through anything." "I didn't think he would get through this."

Janet smiled and kissed him on the cheek,

"I'm glad you're back Daniel. Don't go anywhere for a while okay?"  
"Sure."

Janet walked away to check on her other patients. Daniel took some time leaving the infirmary; he was in a bit of shock that he had been 'dead' for five days. He was exhausted and his brain wasn't firing on all cylinders but he knew he just had to make it through the de-briefing and then hopefully the General would let him go home.

He made his way to Jack's office, his mind going over all the facts he had picked up from the various conversations he'd had since his return. By all account everyone seemed more worried about Jack, sure everyone was happy to see him which felt strange in itself but in the next breath people were asking him if Jack was doing okay.

He raised a hand to knock on his door then he decided to get a bit more information. He spun around and took the elevator a few flights down to Sam's lab. He walked in to find Sam in tears, Feeling a little awkward but taking a deep breath he walked over and pulled her into a hug,

"Hey, Sam what's wrong?"  
"Oh krap." Sam pulled back and tried unsuccessfully to dry her tears, "Um, Daniel, hey. Sorry I look like an idiot right now. Damn it!"  
"You look fine Sam, what's wrong?"  
"Nothing." Daniel looked straight at her before getting up and closing the door. "Come on Sam, what's going on?"  
"It's…God, Daniel I'm so glad you're home."  
"Okay, me too I guess. Sorry I really only thought I was gone for a day, maybe two. And I really didn't think I was dead. In fact I was sure I wasn't dead."

Sam laughed but her tears continued to fall,

"I'm very glad you aren't dead Daniel. It's been a very long few days."  
"Want to talk about it?"  
"I don't know if I can." Sam admitted, "I mean I don't think I've cried this much in a long time. You'd think I'd be tapped out by now."  
"I can't believe you all thought I'd died."  
"We didn't just think it Daniel, we believed it. All of us. Teal'c didn't speak for two days; I refused to even see anyone and the Colonel…"  
"Yes, everyone keeps asking me how Jack is. Sam what happened?"  
"I think maybe you should talk to him."  
"Oh I plan to, but he seems to be avoiding me. He hasn't really said anything to me and he made sure to keep his distance. Please Sam, tell me what happened?"

Sam glanced around her trying to find a way out but finding none she took a deep breath and looked into her friends eyes,

"It was bad Daniel. I've seen grief before but this went well beyond that. I heard Janet talk to the General about depression and I have to say she wouldn't be far off. She told me she had to sedate him the first night because she was worried what he would do. He even told the General he would retire. He barely made it to your memorial. Daniel I…I've never seen him like that before."

Daniel took in everything she said and frowned.

"Sam did he…I mean…this is going to sound weird. Was Jack at my place at any time in the last few days?"  
"Yes he was, I mean we all were to pack up your things, we didn't though!" She back peddled when she saw the look on his face, "The Colonel figured it out before we got anywhere."  
"Well that's good. But I mean, was Jack there by himself at any point."  
"Yeah he was." Sam spoke quietly, "I think he was there the day before your memorial service. He was there the night before at any rate. When I couldn't reach him at home I tried your place and he answered. Why?"  
"Oh nothing, just a hunch."

Daniel didn't want to explain the weird dream he'd had with Sam. It wasn't the first time he suspected he and Jack had shared a dream but the idea still seemed insane. He would have to compare notes with Jack. But thinking back he realised a little of what Sam was saying. Jack hadn't been himself that night, and whilst he wasn't a hundred per cent convinced the event had occurred it certainly fit with Sam's timeline.

"Daniel, I know you've just come back from the dead and all, but maybe go easy on the Colonel for a day or two. He really has had a hard few days."  
"Okay, thanks Sam."  
"How are you anyway?"  
"Actually I'm fine. Everyone here seems to have had it worse than me. I just answered a few questions, had a memory re-call device play havoc with my brain, nothing out of the ordinary."  
"Oh well, that's lovely then." Sam grinned, "The de-briefing will be interesting I'm sure."

She got up and gave Daniel a long hug,

"Sorry for the water works, I'm really glad you're home."  
"Thanks Sam, me too."

Sam wiped her eyes one more time and glanced at her watch,

"Come on; let's get this over with so we can go home!"

* * *

It didn't take long for Daniel to go through what had happened. After looking over the logs from SG1's second trip through the gate Sam theorised that time actually moved slower on the planet so an hour on the planet equaled three or more on earth.

"Well I guess that explains how I only thought a day or two had passed but more time passed here." Daniel agreed.

He looked over at Jack who had remained pretty quiet through the meeting. Occasionally he gave some sort of sarcastic remark but all in all he wasn't his usual self.

"Well everyone has had a rough few days, take forty-eight hours and report back here at 0900 Monday morning. Get some rest people. Colonel, can I see you a moment?"

Everyone got up to leave, Daniel looked at Jack but he just headed straight into the General's office. He sighed and decided just to head out.

General Hammond walked in behind Jack and closed the door,

"Have a seat Jack."

Both men sat down and Jack looked expectantly at the man in front of him.

"Jack, I would like you to see Dr McKenzie before returning to active duty."  
"I don't think there's a need for that General."  
"Well you and I think differently Jack. I've let you grieve in your own way, and honestly I'm still concerned with how you dealt with the past few days. We're at war Colonel and I'm concerned that if God forbid the day comes that Dr Jackson does get killed we're going to have a repeat case of what happened this week."  
"Sir, I wasn't prepared for what happened."  
"You can never prepare for it Jack, never! I'm concerned your friendship with Dr Jackson and in fact all of your team will become a danger in the field. As a leader you have to always be prepared and I'm starting to feel that you may not be able to do what's necessary if the time come."

Jack ran his fingers through his hair and shook his head,

"You can't split us up Sir. You know as well as I do that a team becomes your family. Okay, I handled it bad I know that, maybe I'm just sick and tired of everyone I care about dying. It's the type of thing that can mess with a man you know."  
"I don't want to split you up Jack. Contrary to what I have just said I actually think you are the best team we have simply because of your closeness. But Jack, I can't have a repeat of what happened this week."  
"I have no intention of letting Daniel die again Sir."  
"You've said that before Colonel. It's something that may not be in your control." "  
I'm aware of that Sir."

Hammond studied the man in front of him closely. He was fine leader and someone that everyone looked up to. The fact he cared so much was the biggest problem, one that was both a hindrance as well as a help.

"Jack, I know you care about Dr Jackson, just, please don't let it get this bad again."  
"There won't be a reason to Sir."  
"Right. I still want you to see Dr McKenzie, 0830 Monday morning. You won't be cleared until he says so."  
"Yes Sir."

When he had gone the General sat back and opened his diary, in the back was the photo of SG1 taken a few months before. He focused on the two men seated in the center, they were both smiling and even in the picture he could see there was something more than friendship between them. He closed his diary and locked it back in his drawer.

There were only five copies of this picture, the original had been deleted months before.

_*They are family, that's all I need to know. And for now, they're okay.* _

_When it's time to live and let die  
and you can't get another try  
something inside this heart has died  
you're in ruins_

* * *

Jack stopped at the door to his country style home and took a deep breath. He opened the door and walked in,

"Did you want a beer?" Daniel called from the kitchen,  
"That would be great. Thanks."

Daniel walked over and handed him the beverage, their fingers touched briefly and Jack looked into the eyes of the friend who he thought he'd lost.

"Danny?"  
"Later Jack, I have it on very good authority you haven't been yourself the past few days and I'm guessing you've hardly eaten."

Jack just took a gulp of beer in response which had Daniel shaking his head,

"Seriously, you're as bad as me. Dinner will ready in thirty minutes." "Danny?" "Later Jack."

Jack watched as Daniel went back into the kitchen to keep preparing dinner. He went and sat down on the couch keeping Daniel in his sights the whole time.

He hadn't really looked at him since returning to Earth, a fact not lost on either of them. It was strange, all he could think about for five days was that he would never see Daniel again but now that he was back he was avoiding him. Jack knew it was all to do with the conversation he would have to have with himself at some point but now was not the time to start that discussion,

_*Can't put it off much longer Jack. Just deal with the here and now. Daniel is here and now you have no reason to be running away. He's back, go with it!*_

"Rice or pasta?" Daniel called out,  
"Pasta." Jack replied absent mindedly.

Thirty minutes later they were sitting down to a homemade beef stroganoff. Jack dug in, he hadn't realised how hungry he was. Daniel just shook his head and ate his at a much more natural pace. Once Jack was on his second plate Daniel felt it was safe enough to bring up the events of the past week,

"So, want to tell me what's been going on the last few days?"  
"You know what's been going on." Jack replied off handedly,  
"Yeah, creatures from the black lagoon looking for their four thousand year old mate, great story, one for the ages. What's been happening here?"  
"You were in the briefing, we all thought you were dead, it kinda sucked but we figured it out, you're here now and all is good. Good food by the way."  
"Thanks."

Daniel decided to leave it a little longer before trying again. After dinner Jack helped clean up and then he wandered out onto the deck. Daniel followed and together they sat in silence gazing up at the stars above them.

"So, what else happened here the past week?"  
"Hammond had a bit of a car accident."  
"Really! Is he okay? He seemed okay."  
"Oh yeah, he wasn't in the car at the time."  
"What happened?"  
"His car window was broken."  
"A robbery?"  
"Nope, it was just smashed in."  
"Damn, does he know who did it?"  
"We have a fair idea."

Jack sunk back into silence and Daniel had a feeling he knew who the culprate had been. After an hour of basic small talk Daniel got up to leave. Jack wasn't talking and no matter how much he tried he couldn't get him to.

_*He'll talk when he's ready*_

"I'm going to go. I'll talk to you later okay?"  
"Yeah, okay."

Daniel reached out a hand for Jack's shoulder and squeezed it gently in farewell,

_*I understand Jack, if I had thought you were dead I'd be inconsolable, the difference is I'm in love with you. Wonder what your excuse is.*_

Jack let his Daniel walk away, he wanted to get up and stop him, make him stay. He wanted to yell and scream at him for something that wasn't his fault. He wanted to hug him and cry and be thankful that he was alive.

Jack kept staring at the stars he loved so much hoping somewhere out there he would find the answer. A star shot across the sky making him blink, the reaction brought him back down to earth. He knew he needed to sort out what was really going on but in the grand scheme of things; he knew he would be okay.

Daniel wasn't dead. Daniel was very much alive. Daniel hadn't died. Daniel had come back. He had been so focused on his own feelings he hadn't taken the time to let the truth sink in. He would be okay because Daniel was okay.

Jack jumped up and ran into the house; he grabbed his keys and ran out the door.

_*You're an idiot, you could have been spending the night in the company of your best friend having a great time and instead you were sitting at a pity party for one. Idiot!*_

_One, 21 guns  
Lay down your arms, give up the fight  
One, 21 guns  
Throw up your arms into the sky_

* * *

Jack pulled up at Daniel's apartment for the third time in as many days. He jumped out and ran up the stairs not bothering to wait for the elevator. He opened Daniel's door and raced inside. Daniel was standing by his fish tank; he turned around at the abrupt entrance,

"Jack! Wha…"

His words were cut off as Jack pulled him into a tight hug.

_*On any other occasion this would be perfect. Great timing Jack…still feels good though.*_

"Danny I'm so sorry!"  
"What for?"  
"I was an idiot!"  
"Okay, what are we talking about?"

Jack pulled back and Daniel noticed his eyes were a bit glassy,

"Are you about to cry on me?"  
"Probably, got a problem with that?"  
"Nope, go right ahead."

Jack laughed and embraced the younger man again.

_*Damn it's good to hold him. STOP IT JACK! Save that for later!*_

"So, you ready to talk now?"  
"God Danny, the past few days have been a nightmare. I…don't know what happened. I told everyone you were dead and I had some sort of mental snap."  
"Why?"

Daniel was genuinely curious as to what had made his friend go over the edge. Jack laughed again at Daniel's question,

_*HAD a mental snap! He obviously still is.*_

"Sorry, it's just; I have asked myself that question constantly over the last few days. Why? Why did you die? Why you and not someone else? Why did I have to act normal as if nothing had happened, why why why! I honestly don't know. I had the memory of your death that your new friend shoved into my head but a part of me wouldn't accept it. It seemed so un-real but at the same time I knew it had, or I thought I knew it had. Gah, do you get what I'm saying?"

"A part of you believed I was dead but a part of you knew it hadn't happened."

"Exactly! But the part of me that thought you were dead won out and I lost it."  
"What happened?"  
"It doesn't matter."  
"I think it does, at least that's the impression I got from everyone."  
"No, what I mean is that it doesn't matter what happened, what I did or didn't do! What does matter is that you're alive."  
"I am, it's true."  
"That didn't come out right. When I realised you were alive I was so excited but when I saw you, all I felt was guilt."  
"Guilt?"  
"Yeah…I had left you behind."  
"Oh. That wasn't your fault, you didn't know."  
"I know that, but it doesn't matter, you never leave a man behind."

Jack sat down on the couch and Daniel looked at him thoughtfully,

"Daniel, I gave up. I even told Hammond, I wasn't going back through the Stargate again. I was going to retire."  
"That's a bit extreme."  
"Maybe, maybe not. What kind of leader am I if I can't even bring my team home?"  
"One who thinks about everyone, not just the individual? Jack, I have to say I was a bit…upset…to find out you had apparently given up on me but now that I actually know what happened…I'm proud of you."  
"I know I'm sor…What?"  
"Jack, your natural instinct is to look after every person you meet. You're a good guy and a fantastic leader, you put the welfare of your team first by not letting them go back for me. Yes you were wrong but in your head any sort of mission would have ended badly and you didn't let your feelings overwhelm you."  
"But I left you behind."  
"Under the circumstances Jack anyone would have! Fire isn't something you mess with and you thought it was a hell hole. You put Sam and Teal'c first."  
"I thought I had lost you."  
"I know."

Daniel looked around, his eyes falling on the plate left on coffee table,

"You were here."  
"What do you mean?"  
"You were here, I want to say the night before last but I'm not actually sure...you were here."  
"What gave me away?" Jack asked sheepishly,  
"I was here Jack, I don't know how but I was, I know it."  
"What do you mean?" Jack knew exactly what he was saying but he wanted the words to come from someone elses head.  
"I don't know, I was here. We argued, you were in my bed..."  
"Lucky guess?" Jack replied weakly,  
"You were so upset. Jack I don't know how but I know I was here, and I know you know it too."  
"It was just a dream. People don't share dreams."  
"Who knows, my point is that you had let that doubt take a hold so much that even though I tried to convince you I was still alive you werent listening."  
"You were a dream Danny."  
"Yes, but that doesn't mean I wasn't right." Daniel smirked,  
"You're going to be very painful about this arent you."  
"Only for a week or so I promise. Jack, what I guess I'm getting at is that you can't give up so easily, you're stronger than that. My dying, that's nothing compared to losing your son, and you got through that."  
"*You* got me through that remember."  
"I still don't believe that a hundred percent. You only used the mission as an excuse for a way out, again there was a very strong part of you that wanted to live, I just helped you see it. You can't keep letting that part of you win."  
"I know, but Danny when I thought you were dead it really did feel like Charlie all over again. I can't go through that again."  
"But if you have to, promise me you will."  
"Daniel I..."  
"No Jack, I need you to make me a promise. Promise me that you will not do something like this again. Promise me that next time you will fight."  
"Hopefully there wont be a next time."  
"Hopefully, but if there is...please, promise me Jack?"  
"I promise."  
"I hope so Jack, there are a lot of people who care about you, think about that. They will get you through."  
"Make me a promise then."  
"What?"  
"Promise me you aren't going to die again."  
"Oh not for another six months at least." Daniel quipped, seeing Jack's glare he had the grace to look sorry, "Jack no one can promise they aren't going to die, its inevitable for everyone, but I promise to do my best to make it when I'm old and grey."  
"Good enough."

Jack got up and took his plate and cup to the sink, washing them up.

"So you really think we were in each others dream?" He called out,  
"I don't know. Sounds a bit Sci-Fi but hey, most of our life does."  
"True enough, I'm not a huge Sci-Fi fan."  
"Really?  
"Yeah, never really got the genre. I prefer action."  
"That's really stereotypical Jack."  
"Maybe, but so much fun. Give me a good Bond movie any day."  
"I'll give you that."

Jack came back with a glass of wine and a beer,

"Thanks. But the question remains, Connery?" Daniel asked taking his glass  
"Of course! no one better." Jack exclaimed, "What about Brosnan?"  
"I'm a fan. He's my second favorite, anyone beats Dalton." Daniel screwed up his nose at the thought  
"Ever think they'll use an American?"  
"I doubt it. That would be amusing to say the least."  
"Want to watch one?" Jack suggested,  
"I don't even have a TV Jack, why would I have a video."  
"Good point."  
"Plus I really am exhausted. Dieing really takes it out of you."  
"Real cute Daniel."  
"Thankyou."  
"Okay I'll go, get some rest. Tomorrow we can start a Bond marathon."  
"We aren't going to make it through all seventeen films in a weekend."  
"Daniel! I'm impressed you know how many there are!"  
"Dad was a fan. I kept up with them when he died."  
"Nice. We can start now and take our time, the new one comes out in December."  
"Sounds like a plaaaaan." Daniel yawned  
"Okay I'm going." Jack laughed. He finished his beer and went to the door, Daniel followed. "So tomorrow?"  
"Yeah, tomorrow." Daniel agreed.

Jack pulled him into another hug and this time Daniel felt less tension.

_*That's better*_

"I'm glad your home."  
"Me too. Remind me to ask you about Disneyland."  
"Stupid dream sharing, that was ment to be a surprise."  
"Okay, I'll try to forget."

When he had gone Daniel went into his bedroom and lay beneath the sheets. His pillow smelt different; he liked it.

"Tomorrow." He whispered as he fell asleep thinking of all the tomorrows he would have, his best friend by his side.

_One, 21 guns  
Lay down your arms, give up the fight  
One, 21 guns  
Throw up your arms_ i_nto the sky,  
you and I  
_

**_The End - For Now_**

* * *

_Thankyou everyone for the messages and reviews, I'm glad you're enjoying the series so far :)_


	8. Everything

Everything…

**Author:** Midnyteblue  
**Pairing:** Jack/Daniel friendship (Almost Slash)  
**Rating:** PG13  
**Spoilers:** Hathor (Minor)  
**Summery:** After the events of 'Hathor' Jack decides he need to sort through some things  
**Disclaimer:** Not mine, never have been or will be. Fic inspired by Taylor Swift and Ed Sheeran' 'Everything Has Changed'  
**AN:** This fic will be written in two parts. I hope you like them

* * *

Jack was sitting on his deck, a beer in hand and a few lined up ready to go,

_*Damn it's been a long week.*_

Jack thought back to the events of the past seven days,

_*Daniel runs off to Mexico for two days and comes home with a souvenir. And I told him not to get me anything, that man will never listen.*  
_  
Jack took another mouthful of beer,

_*Then he goes and gets himself a new girlfriend. Nice choice there buddy. Next time let's try for a few less snakes in the head.*_

Jack was not in a good mood but his behavior had little to do with anger at the man in question. Jack frowned and walked back into the house, going upstairs. He gently opened the door of his spare room and looked in on the young man currently asleep on the bed.

_*He's okay Jack. He's okay.*_

Jack shut the door and went back outside. It was the fifth time that hour he had checked on his friend. He couldn't help it. Things were so messed up in his head and the only thing that seemed to be settling him was the knowledge that Daniel was okay.

Jack knew he had to sort through some things and he also knew there was no way he was going to accomplish it without a fair amount of alcohol in his system. Jack enjoyed a beer every now and then, he enjoyed the taste but sometimes he was just as happy with the mind numbing side effects that too much of the beverage could bring.

Jack finished his beer, checked on Daniel again and went back outside.

It had been two weeks since Daniel's apparent resurrection and in that time the pair had spent very little time apart, except for Daniel's little sojourn into Mexico. Jack was grateful for their busy work schedule but he knew he couldn't put off his thoughts forever.

Jack had been pushing everything down for weeks, months if he was completely honest with himself. With everything that had happened over the past few days he needed to de-brief, a technique he had developed when he had met Sarah.

So he didn't have to trouble Sarah with his chaotic and often traumatic job, Jack developed the unique ability to suppress all his thoughts, feelings and emotions. But eventually he would have to release everything and sort through his mind. It was how he decided that Sarah really was the woman he wanted to marry.

Every few months he would take off for some time alone sometimes a day often longer and he would figure things out. He could laugh, cry and hit things in his own private world and not have to worry about the effect on those he loved.

He hadn't had a session for quite a while and he knew he had to do something soon. When the General had given his team two days off Jack knew his time had come. What he hadn't counted on was Daniel.

Jack opened another bottle and decided the only way forward was to go backwards.

* * *

_### Flashback ###_

_Jack and Daniel headed out of the locker room with Sam and Janet trailing behind,_

"_I could use a drink." Daniel remarked,  
"What!" Jack turned to his best friend, "Usually I need to force the stuff on you but now you're willingly going to consume alcohol? Remember this day people."_

Janet laughed and glanced at Sam who was smiling but it didn't quite reach her eyes,

"_What are we all doing for dinner?" She asked  
"Not a whole lot, got something in mind Doc?"  
"We I figured now would be a good time for you two to take us girls out for dinner considering we saved your butts and everything."  
"Fair call." Jack agreed, "What do you say Daniel, O'Malley's?"  
"Sure, whatever."_

_Jack frowned at his friends passiveness, it wasn't un-common for Daniel to be less than enthusiastic about social settings but the last time he had seen him like this was a few months ago, around the same time he had broken his arm. Some things had come out around then that Jack hadn't liked about Daniel's past…something had triggered Daniel's self-protection mode and Jack hated to think what it may have been._

"_I'm in, I just have to do something before I leave, shouldn't take too long."  
"You can forget about work for two days Carter. It's called a weekend."  
"I know that Sir. It will take ten minutes; I'll meet you guys there. Daniel, can I grab your help?"  
"Oh, okay sure."_

_As they got into the elevator Sam pressed level eighteen whilst Jack pressed for the surface._

"_Ten minutes Carter!"  
"Yes Sir, order me a beer."_

_As the doors closed Janet made the realisation that they hadn't stopped on Sam's level,_

"_Isn't Daniel's office on eighteen?"  
"Yeah, who knows, I can't understand her at the best of times." Jack waved away the oddness of Sam's behavior. "So Doc, what are we drinking tonight?"_

_### End Flashback ###_

Jack sighed; he now knew that Sam had wanted to talk to Daniel alone. He wished he had picked up on the problem before, it was how he knew he needed to sort things out, he wasn't paying close enough attention.

_### Flashback ###_

_Jack watched as Daniel swallowed the last of his beer, it was so rare to see Daniel drink beer because he was a wine man but tonight he was on his third._

"_Trying to outdo us all Danny?" Jack was concerned,  
"Sure. Why not."  
"So, when are you going to go after Hathor?" Janet tried to change the subject,  
"Teal'c is going to Chulak tonight to get some information and we'll go from there."  
"Good luck with that." Daniel raised his glass in salute and proceeded to order another drink._

_The four of them had finished their meal and were contemplating dessert,_

"_I'm actually quite tired Sir, I might head home." Sam had been very quiet all evening and Jack noticed she had been keeping quite close to Daniel.  
"You sure Carter? I happen to know they have a delicious chocolate pudding here."  
"Maybe next time Sir." Sam smiled and got up to gather her things,  
"I might go too Sir. It's been a long few days."  
"Okay sure. Jack looked at Daniel who was sitting quietly, "I'll walk you out."_

_Janet grabbed her things and Jack walked the pair of them to the door. Once they were out of earshot Sam turned to her CO,_

"_Sir, something is very very wrong with Daniel."  
"I got that Carter, thank you."  
"No Sir, I mean VERY wrong."_

_Jack folded his arms and looked at Janet before frowning at Sam,_

"_What do you know?"  
"Sir, when we found Daniel after Hathor, he had…checked out Sir."  
"Checked out?"  
"Yeah, like…he was in shock. He kind of reminded me of you last week."  
"Trying not to remember that Carter thank you."  
"Sorry Sir, anyway I spoke to him, that's why I wanted to stay behind today."  
"Okay."  
"He wouldn't say much. He kept saying he was fine but I figured it was his fine and not our fine."  
"That sounds like him, did he say anything else?"  
"Not really, he said he was fine and he would be fine, just like always."  
"Theories?"  
"I don't want to __theorise__ anything Sir, but with his past and what happened with Hathor…I don't like it Sir."  
"Thanks for the update Carter. I'll keep an eye out."  
"Goodnight Colonel, Thanks for dinner."_

Sam and Janet walked away whilst Jack turned around and walked back into the restaurant. He sat back down and called over for the _cheque,_

"_So Daniel, plans for the next two days?"  
"Sleep I guess."  
"Well fathering little spawns will take it out of you."  
"Yeah."_

_Jack watched Daniel down the remainder of his drink as he signed the bill,_

"_Come on, you're coming with me."  
"I'm fine Jack."  
"Sure you are…and I'm a monkey."  
"I wasn't going to say anything." Daniel managed a smile,  
"Well your sense of humour is fine at least. Come on, you've had a bit to drink, lets go back to mine."  
"I haven't had enough to drink."  
"Well you've had enough here. Let's go."_

_Jack was quite impressed that Daniel was able to communicate let alone walk straight but they got to Jack's truck without incident and Jack drove them home. They didn't speak the whole way but Jack was keeping an eye out for any signs that might give some indication as to what was going on._

_He had actually wanted to spend the evening by himself to sort through some stuff but there was no way he was leaving Daniel like this._

_### End Flashback ###_

Jack sat back and ran his fingers through his hair, in the end he hadn't actually figured out what was wrong with Daniel…at least not conclusively,

_### Flashback ###_

"_So, want to tell me why you're trying to drink me under the table?" Jack asked his friend,  
"No reason."  
"Now now Daniel, you know that's not how this works. We sit, we share…it's what we do."  
"I don't want to share this."  
"Well maybe you don't but you know I'm not going to give up. I'll make you think of five things again."_

_Daniel smiled a little as he remembered back to a time Jack had made him think of five things he liked doing. It had been hard actually, but Jack had got him through that particularly low point and he knew Jack was right, he wouldn't give up._

"_Has it got to do with that red haired bitch who I refuse to even name?"  
"Sure."  
"Okay so it doesn't."  
"Maybe."  
"Give me something to go on here Danny, I'm not that great with mind reading."  
"I didn't ask you to be."  
"Ooo, someone's snarky today."  
"Jack can't you just leave it alone?"  
"I can…but I won't."_

_Daniel shook his head and lent forward putting his head in his hands,_

"_It's…what happened. What we…did."  
"Did? Oh you mean…Danny I don't think you're the first person to wake up and freak out at the person next to them. Do you remember Argos!"  
"It's not that, it's…Jack I couldn't stop it."  
"What do you mean?"  
"I had no control. I couldn't stop her, couldn't stop…"  
"Oh."_

_Jack hadn't thought about the implications of what had happened to Daniel, He just assumed because of the drug he was okay…_

"_She took what she wanted. I had no choice."  
"No, I guess you didn't."_

Jack looked down at his beer; he didn't know what to say. His friend was obviously traumatised by what had happened, and rightly so. But he still felt that there was something else going on.

"_Daniel, I'm sorry."  
"For what? It's not your fault."  
"And it's not yours either."  
"I should have stopped it, should have fought harder. I mean, damn it Jack. You almost had a snake put in your head, because of me!"  
"No, not because of you. Daniel, you said it yourself, you had no control. Nothing that happened was your fault."  
"I've heard that before."  
"What are you talking about?"  
"Nothing. I'm going to bed."  
"Daniel…"_

_Jack watched as Daniel walked into the house and up the stairs. Jack sat back down, his head spinning._

_### End Flashback ###_

Jack knew his friend was upset by what had occurred with Hathor. Jack would even go as far as to say Daniel had been raped, the thought made him sick.

_*Okay, Daniel is asleep. He's had a lot of alcohol so he will probably stay that way for a while. Let's do this.*_

Jack sat back and looked up at the stars above him. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, pulling all his thoughts and feelings to the surface.

* * *

_*Okay, when was the last time I did this. Let's see…Charlie 2.0. Yeah that was it, I saw Daniel with a gun and freaked. Good thing I'm used to that now, Jeeze. So that was then, I was so upset at the thought of Daniel dying, it hurt so much and it scared me just as bad. Okay Jack you've already dealt with that…I keep bringing it up! Why do I keep re-hashing that? …its Daniel.*_

_*I need to figure out Daniel, my friendship with him. It goes beyond friendship; I know that, but how far. Is that even something I should be asking myself? I can't believe I even have to ask myself that. Daniel is a friend, how could he be anything else? It's just not possible…but it is. I wish someone else could sort this out for me.*_

Jack picked up his bottle and looked at it before putting it back down, untouched.

_*No, you've had enough. Okay so Daniel. Daniel is my friend, my best friend. Not sure how that happened but it did, and it's good. I love having Danny around. I enjoy his company, his sense of humor; he's pretty sarcastic for a geek. Its fun.*_

_*Okay, when did all this start? How far back can I push this? How far back…Keep working backwards.*_

_*Last week he died, that really sucked. I've dealt with death before so why the heck did I flip out like that! Daniel is my best friend and I was upset he was gone. Like it almost killed me that I wouldn't see him again. Why did it hurt so much? The whole idea made me sick – physically. My mind couldn't really process it, which makes sense because it wasn't real. So, the thought that I'd never see him again was painful, but why? Why did it hurt so much?*_

_*I would never hear him laugh, it doesn't happen often but when it does – I swear my heart skips a little. That's a bit strange considering he's just my friend but it's what happens.*_

_*I would never see his eyes; they are so blue and shiny. They sparkle every time we discover something, they are kind, loving and full of trust and hope, I see it every time he looks at me. That trust is rare in anyone but to see it in him – It's flooring.*_

_*I would never feel his touch. I used to be a hugger but after Charlie, I couldn't bare to touch anyone. I could hardly handle being in my own skin let alone touching someone else. But with Daniel, I just want to hug him all the time. I don't know how many hugs he got after his parents were killed but I don't think it was many. Someone needs to make up for that, why not me.*_

Jack realised he was justifying his thoughts but that was the point wasn't it…

_*So that sorts that out, okay before that. What happened before that? Earnest and Catherine I think. Yeah, those two love birds. I'm glad they were able to just pick up where they left off, good on them. Daniel was so excited on that one. His whole theory that he had found the meaning of life…Not sure he appreciated me asking why it didn't just say 42. Oh well. That look of discovery, the wonder. It literally sent him on a high that I didn't want to bring him down from. He was happy, so happy. A wish he was happy all the time, I just don't know how to make it happen.*_

_*Is it my job to make Daniel happy? I mean no one has taken responsibility for it up till now. I don't know if it's my job but I do know I don't want it to be anyone else's. I want to be the reason he smiles. When Daniel smiles, I smile. He makes me happy. I think that's a good enough reason.*_

Jack picked up his abandoned bottle and looked at it again. He knew if he had much more he would just fall asleep and he had to get this stuff out. He had to.

_*So before that was Thors hammer, wow; I wonder if my memory is going to be this good forever, I have a fairly decent memory – I need to keep going before I forget. Okay so Daniel saved Teal'c over Sha'ra. I'm glad he's made a clear decision about Sha'ra, I'd hate for that to be hanging over us. Hang on, what am I saying! What do I care how Daniel feels about Sha'ra; it doesn't affect me in any way. They were married, good on him! At least I know he's had that pleasure. Okay now I'm thinking about Daniel's sex life. This is getting me nowhere.*_

Jack opened another beer and took a sip,

_*Everyone deserves a good Sex life, that's one thing I miss. And the last time I did get some It turned me into an old guy. Fantastic time that was. Daniel didn't seem to see the humor in it, I guess neither did I by the end. I've had a few hairy morning after's but that one takes the cake…I did take the cake. Stupid cake. Why am I thinking about cake! No more beer for me.*_

Jack got up and grabbed a glass of water. It had cooled significantly since he had first sat outside. He drank a full glass and went once again to check on Daniel

Jack went to the bathroom after which he took the familiar route to the spare room. Instead of just looking inside Jack walked into the room and took a seat by the window. Daniel had passed out still in his clothes. Jack didn't want to disturb him but he did look very uncomfortable. Jack got up and managed to remove his shoes but decided against anything else. Daniel stirred slightly at the movement,

"Jack…" he mumbled,

Jack looked up but seeing him still sound asleep he decided to leave him alone. He went back down stairs and decided to walk around a bit. He wandered around his yard, picking up a few branches that were scattered around. His house work had been lacking since taking on the job at the SGC, he would have to figure out a time to work on that.

Jack sat down on the grass and lent back so he was looking up at the sky.

_*Okay, stop thinking about food, back to the problem at hand…what was the problem again? Oh yeah Daniel having sex. Why is that a problem? Oh I don't know, why do I care who he's slept with?! I mean apart from that evil bitch who raped him…I want to ring her neck! How dare she take what isn't hers. Daniel is mine not hers. Hang on a minute, what do I mean he's mine?! He isn't mine, I mean he's my friend but he isn't…mine. Gah, this really isn't working, I keep circling back.*_

_*Okay focus Jack. Time to focus. So my early old age, I was old…not a great experience, I didn't want to see Daniel, I couldn't let him see me like that. I think that was the first time I ever thought about not having Daniel around, I mean I wouldn't be around for him, Oh I don't know what I mean any more. I tried to write him a letter, like I was writing Sara, but I didn't know what to say. He meant so much to me but I couldn't bring myself to say goodbye.*_

Jack lay back on the grass and looked up at the stars he loved so much. Somehow they seemed simpler.

_*I think I only realised how much he meant to me when he was gone…not dead gone but gone from the house gone. He moved and I had a minor freak out, okay you had a major freak out. The look on his face when he saw his things I'd packed up though, he looked surprised and happy. I'm so glad I did that now. I don't even know why I did it! I mean seriously, I barely knew the guy. I'd spent a few days with him on another planet and that was it! But it didn't matter, only Daniel mattered.*_

_*The night we moved him in was great; I think a good steak is so much more satisfying after a hard day's work. That was a hard day, he may only be one man but boy does Daniel have a lot of stuff. That was a hot day, I felt so feral. Still it was worth it and Daniel was more relaxed than I'd seen him in ages. He even took his shirt off! He's such a private person…he took his shirt off, why do I remember that?*_

_*He had a bit of muscle on him, didn't expect that. He always seemed so scrawny but really he's quite fit…why do I care? He looked good I'll give him that. Very good. Damn it!*_

_*Okay, so you appreciated another man, girls appreciate other women all the time! Okay moving on, what about the way you touched him, swept his hair back from his face. Just like Charlie.*_

_*No, not like Charlie. Daniel is not Charlie, he's Daniel. The geek who managed to work his way into my world is not my son. So why did I do that? He reminded me of Charlie, yeah that sounds lame even for me. I wanted to do it. I wanted to reach out and touch him, wanted to hold him. He was resting against me. That's not so uncommon; you never know how you're going to fall when you're asleep. It happened…and I liked it.*_

Jack groaned and rolled over on the grass, burying his face in his arms. He lay that way for a few moments before turning, and sitting up.

_*That's a few months ago now, so where do I stand? I really don't know. I mean maybe I do. I'm so confused. I really want to talk this out with someone, but who? Normally I'd go to Daniel. And that's another thing, when did Daniel become my go to person? When did he become the person I rely on to help me through things? I can't talk this through with him because he's part of the problem! No he isn't a problem, I'm the problem.*_

*_Okay, what about tonight, go through tonight.*_

_*He said my name, in that beautiful voice of his…beautiful! Okay so I guess it is. It's not pretty but it's soft, comforting, and genuine. It's beautiful; I could listen to him all day. I probably wouldn't understand a word he said but I would love to listen to him.*_

*_He has an amazing mind. It's so full of wonder, mystery and love. He has an amazing capacity to love. He sees the good in everyone; he saw the good in me. He found me, he pulled me out and I followed. I would follow him forever.*_

"Okay Jack." He spoke aloud, "Lay it all out. You enjoy being around him, when he's not around you feel alone. Everything about him draws you in, his voice his mind, his eyes…God those eyes…everything you do is for him, his happiness. He says my name in his sleep; I never want him to say another name again. Damn it Jack!"

He got up and started pacing the garden,

"Why can't you say it? Is it so hard to admit you love him?"

Jack stopped suddenly and sunk back to the ground,

"I love him? I do. It's Daniel…and I love him. That long haired, blue eyed very male man…I love him."

Jack realised he had known for weeks. He had almost let himself admit it when he had thought Daniel was dead. But he had managed to keep it in thankfully.

"What am I going to do?"

The reason Jack had put this off for so long was this exact problem. What was he going to do? It wasn't as simple as admitting he loved a girl, that was easy. He could flirt his way around and see if she was interested, eventually asking her out on a date. No one would blink an eye, people would be happy for him…it was considered normal.

Jack was Air Force. Military. He didn't fall in love with other guys. But he had, he had fallen in love with a man. He was as straight as they come, and he had fallen for someone of the same sex.

He didn't really care about other people's sexual orientation; gay, straight or alien, a person was a person and who they loved had no impact on him or anyone else as far as he was concerned. In fact one of his best friends at the academy was gay, not that it was common knowledge. It could never be common knowledge, not with the way the laws were.

Jack glanced at his watch; it was past two in the morning. He cleaned up outside and headed in. He wasn't tired, his mind was racing too fast and until it stopped he wouldn't be able to sleep.

_*Okay, so you're in love with your best friend. How long has that been going on? Does it matter? Guess not. Have you always loved him? No, it takes time to build love; I don't think I even liked him at first. I don't think I've stopped thinking about him since I met him though. He certainly got under my skin. It's those eyes. Big, bright and blue staring at me. They're staring at me now…*_

"Daniel?" Jack was surprised to find Daniel sitting opposite him. His heart started beating a little faster_, *He can't know. I can never tell him. He looks so sad…and hung over…I love him.*_  
"Hey, you're still awake."  
"yeah, I had some stuff to sort out."

Daniel nodded and pulled his legs up so his chin was resting on his knees, not an easy feat considering his height yet an action he had done so many time it was natural.

"How you feeling?"  
"I'm fine."  
"Your fine or my fine?" Jack asked the familiar question which resulted in a small smile from his friend,  
"My fine."

Jack got up and grabbed them both a glass of water,

"Here, drink this. You'll thank me later."

Daniel took the glass and sipped the contents,

"I'm sorry Jack."  
"What for?"  
"Everything."

Jack realised they were continuing their conversation from earlier in the night, the difference was this time Jack knew exactly what he wanted to do. He went over to the younger man and pulled him into a hug. Daniel remained curled in a ball but he lent into Jack's embrace. For the first time Jack savored the feeling of having Daniel in his arms.

"Oh Daniel, I'm the one who should be sorry. I wasn't listening before, I was so tied up in my own problems I didn't even think about what had happened."  
"Why are you sorry? I'm the one who couldn't stop it." Daniel mumbled  
"Daniel, listen to me. You are not at fault! That evil bitch took something from you, hear that? She stole something from you. It is not your fault."  
"I should have stopped it; I never seem to be able to stop it."

Jack pulled back and looked at the man next to him, the man he loved.

"Daniel, what do you mean you never seem to be able to stop it?"  
"Oh, um…I mean I always seem to be getting into trouble."

Daniel kept looking at his hands, avoiding Jack's gaze.

"I don't think that's what you mean Daniel."

Jack heart had started beating so hard and fast he was afraid his chest would explode,

_*Please don't tell me he's saying what I think he's saying. Not him, please.*  
_  
Daniel remained quiet,

_*Don't say anything. He'll run away, he'll kick me out! No, you can't say anything. Don't make me talk Jack please.*_

Jack took Daniel's silence as admission and he closed his eyes tight. He wanted to take Daniel and run away somewhere so the world would never hurt him again,

_*This can't be happening, not Daniel. Evil snake head drugging him is one thing, but a human…when…no, I can't ask, I don't want to know. I will kill the person who did this. Oh Danny, my Danny what has happened to you._*

Jack got up and started to pace the room. The more he thought about Daniel's few words the angrier he got.

_*How dare someone do that to another person? To him! He's such an amazingly wonderful person, so full of trust in the human race. How? How does he have that trust with all that he's been though?*_

Jack stopped his pacing and internal rant. Daniel didn't need it, he just needed someone who wouldn't betray that trust,

"Daniel, I…I can't take away anything that has happened to you. I want to but I can't. What I can do is keep telling you to fight. You have more strength than you realise and it's that strength that has kept you going to where you are now."

Daniel looked at Jack trying to figure out what he was saying,

"Daniel, you are my best friend and I don't throw that term around lightly. Nothing that has happened to you is a result of any weakness you think you have. You have been abused, taken advantage of but I believe you have the strength in you beat anything thrown at you."  
"Obviously not."  
"You're here in front of me, talking, and breathing. Daniel there are a lot of people in this world who have been in similar situations as you who aren't doing those things. You told me last week you want me to keep fighting, that there were plenty of people who care about me and I just need to believe in them to get me through. I'm telling you the same thing."

Daniel looked sad but he took a deep breath and looked up at Jack,

"I still think it's my fault. I mean I keep getting into these situations. Jack If you knew what I'd done…you wouldn't be hanging around. I'm not that strong really, I don't handle these situations well."  
"You handle them as well as you can Daniel. And nothing you have done is going to make me head for the hills. We've been over this."  
"I guess I just have a hard time believing it."  
"I get that. We can keep working on it."  
"I don't understand you Jack."  
"What do you mean?"  
"Well, you're an Air Force Colonel."  
"Really, I hadn't noticed."  
"But you…care."  
"About what?"  
"Me."

It was a simple statement but Jack knew it had been a difficult one for his friend to face. He wasn't used to people caring.

"I do."  
"Why?"

Jack considered the question; it was one he had been wrestling with all night, in fact for months. He was still hesitant with the answer but the more he said the words the more he believed them,

_*Because I love you, and I want to protect you…I love you.*_

"Because crazy as it seems I want to. Daniel you are a very likable person, and I don't know why no one has figured it out before. We hang out and have a good time, at least I do and you've become my best friend. I don't want to lose that."  
"You'll get sick of me eventually. Everyone does."  
"Okay, I'm going to assume it's the alcohol talking because that's just nuts."  
"I had a best friend once. He ended up hating me."  
"Why?"  
"He thought I was wrong and I had no right to impart any of my ideas on the world. I ruined his reputation just by knowing him."  
"Well it's his loss. I assume the things you were supposedly wrong about you were actually right about."

Daniel grinned and for the first time since the conversation began he uncurled from his ball posture and relaxed slightly,

"Too bad I can never rub it in."  
"One day Daniel."  
"Maybe, I don't see it happening any time soon though."  
"You never know, Someday Daniel I swear that the entire academic community will know what you've done."  
"Get kidnapped, turn into a caveman, get taken advantage of…"  
"Okay so we'll gloss over a few details."

Jack refilled their glasses and made sure Daniel drank all of it.

"Turning me into a fish?"  
"You certainly drank like one tonight."

Daniel groaned and Jack laughed,

"Just keep drinking Danny, water is your friend."  
"I think sleep is my friend."

Daniel got up and stretched, he still wasn't too steady on his feet so Jack got up and together they made it back to his room,

"Thanks for letting me crash."  
"Any time, you know that."  
"I do." Daniel agreed climbing into the bed. "Night Jack"  
"Good night Danny."

Jack turned off the light and wandered over to his own room. For the first time all night he felt tired. The next day would be a lazy one for sure. He got into bed and closed he eyes, his mind still with the man who had stolen his heart.

He didn't know how or when Daniel had taken over a place inside that he had once reserved for his wife but he had and he would have to deal with that on a whole new level eventually but for now he was glad he had made the connection.

He loved Daniel and while there was no way he would ever know, Jack would know, the universe would know and together they would make sure Daniel would be okay.

**The End...For Now**


End file.
